After reading the horrifying reports from eyewitnesses about the so-called "New Age Guru," James Arthur Ray, forcing people to stay inside a sweat lodge while his "followers" vomited, lost consciousness and died, I have the following observations:

Anyone who charges you $9,695 dollars to make you so ill you must...

DEAR E. JEAN: I'm a twenty-one-year-old virgin fishing for a sugar daddy who'll launch me into a life of caviar and beautiful clothes. I've recently heard about the American grad student auctioning off her virginity. She's currently considering bids up to $3.7 million. I want to attempt the same. It...

Dear E. Jean: How do I stop procrastinating? Please give me real concrete methods.
--I Even Put Off Writing This Question!

Dear Miss I Put Off Writing This Question: And I put off answering it. Now, if everybody will simply put off reading it, we will...

DEAR E. JEAN: I've successfully faked it for years with every man I've been with. In fact, I've NEVER had an orgasm with anyone but myself. (I mean never! This includes missionary position, me on top, from behind, the side, standing up, in the shower, etc.)
I'm...

The greatest book about the battle of the sexes is not Ovid's The Art of Love -- though that is a seriously huge kick. No, the greatest book about love is the Art of War by the Chinese general Sun Tzu. So gather round, my rogues. Lift your martinis and...

The dingbats who write the newspaper horoscopes have once again ruined everything by publishing their nincompoop predictions for 2009. I ask you, dear Huffington Post readers, should old ladies who believe in astrology be allowed to forecast anything?

The ominously beautiful Dope Astrologers -- Jilly Gagnon, Adrianne Frost and...

Dear E. Jean:

Please put me out of my misery. For a year I've been tormented: Should I give in to vanity and get modest-size breast implants, or should I endure my saggy breasts, which are causing me to lose my desire for sex? I'm a 28-year-old mother of two,...

Power lists, as we all know, are pure tripe. Forbes, Vanity Fair, and Entertainment Weekly have been doing lists for years; and it's always the same old dingbats riding at the top.

So Flaab.com is releasing its first annual Enemies List. It is an unusual list because it's...

My Dear Oprah: I've seen you on the cover of your magazine saying that you are "mad at yourself" because you've gained forty pounds. My Queen! I have a solution for you! Indeed, I'd like to see you try to keep the weight on after you have a whirl...

Dear E. Jean: Two years ago I fell in love with a legendary superstar when he walked into an exhibition I was having in New York. He's twenty years older, a creative genius, and busier than anyone I've ever known. I see him at best three times a month, at...

Alas, I have discovered that old timey, stodgy "advice" to movie stars and politicians doesn't work. What they need are "predictions."