Power lists, as we all know, are pure tripe. Forbes, Vanity Fair, and Entertainment Weekly have been doing lists for years; and it's always the same old dingbats riding at the top.
So Flaab.com is releasing its first annual Enemies List. It is an unusual list because it's compiled and ranked strictly on how much people weigh. On Flaab, dieters bet money on how many pounds they will lose; and if they don't lose the weight, the money goes to their Worst Enemy. (If they do lose the weight, they get their money back.)
So which enemies caused dieters to shed the most?
The site launched a mere 26 days ago, but because it's designed by recent Stanford economics grad Kenneth Shaw for maximum humiliation, nauseating enemies quickly emerged:
Enemy #1 Paris Hilton
Gripped by the fear that Miss Hilton would use his bet money for "anal bleaching," Jason Epstein lost 16.5 pounds in an astonishing 23 days.
Epstein's Wager: $1000 on dropping 10 pounds by 1/16/09
Enemy #2 Husband's' Ex-Girlfriend
Tiffany Michelle Long's loathing caused by the "scum-sucking, manipulative, severely unstable" but flirtatious Rebekah resulted in 12.1 pounds melting from Long's body in time to make her deadline on Christmas day.
Long's Bet: $300 to lose 10 pounds by 12/25/08
Enemy #3 Keith Smart(Basketball star whose shot won the 1987 NCAA Championship for Indiana)
10.5 pounds have been technically fouled-off Hunt Ethridge since the site launched.
Ethridge's Bet: $300 on dribbling off 10 pounds by 1/8/09 (Bobby Knight will be proud!)
Enemy #4 Bernard Madoff
Madoff has "absolutely wiped out" Keren Abina-Sotomayer's 8.5 pounds in a tense 25 days.
Abina-Sotomayer's Wager: $300 to lose 10 pounds by 1/8/09
Enemy #5 Bill O'Reilly
Whenever college student, Alek Mackie, lacks motivation, he clicks Flip Out. Needless to say, Mackie has lost nearly twice the pounds of his wager.
Mackie's Bet: $100 on dropping 5 pounds by 1/6/09
Enemy #6 George W. Bush
Several people have chosen the 43rd President as their Worst Enemy, but Donna McNeely who swears she will "drink Drano" before "the boob" gets "a penny" from her, has bravely left parties so as to impeach 6.2 pounds off in 22 days.
McNeely's bet: $200 to lose 16 pounds by 3/1/2009
Enemy #7 J.K. Rowling
Mack Rawden "hates J.K. Rowling for not having the guts, conviction or balls to out Dumbledore when it actually mattered;" and has cursed off 6 pounds in three weeks.
Rawden's bet: $250 on shedding 20 pounds by 1/25/2009
Enemy #8 Monsieur Haagen Dazs
Enemy #9 Pope Benedict XVI
The wrath of "The Poop" has excommunicated 6 pounds off the devastatingly beautiful Deanna Director and confined her to the bath tub.
Director's Bet: $500 to lose 10 pounds by 1/5/09
Enemy #10 The Irksome Co-Worker
Tom, Irene Shih's co-worker, has annoyed 3 pounds off the unruffled Irene to keep her on track.
Shih's Bet: $100 on dropping 5 pounds by 1/2/09
We all know it's been reported in The Journal of the American Medical Association that cash works better than carbs; but if you had more enemies, you'd be absolutely perfect!