Ask E. Jean: How Do I Get a Celebrity To Marry Me?

Dear E. Jean: Two years ago I fell in love with a legendary superstar when he walked into an exhibition I was having in New York. He's twenty years older, a creative genius, and busier than anyone I've ever known. I see him at best three times a month, at worst once a month.

He has an army of gorgeous, vivacious models/celebrities at his beck and call. This has been the cause of conflict in his past marriages. For me, "The Model Issue" has been obscured because we share the same artistic ambitions and he inspires me in my work. Is this a difficult one, Ms. E. Jean?

When I ventured (once!) to define us, he disappeared for two months. Should I pack it in? I guess my fear is turning on the news and seeing he's engaged to someone more special, and less difficult than I. -- Almost Famous

Almost, My Luv: Unfortunately the great art of boffing a superstar is no longer comme il faut. Lately it's been replaced by begging the superstar for an introduction to his dealer, Larry Gagosian. So imagine my delight at your letter! In the old days (back in the 20th Century) I used to telephone young ladies who wrote to me about their celebrity love affairs and excitedly inquire who the star was. The most famous turned out to be a guitarist in a band whose album did "very well" in Japan in 1987. So I'm praying your dude is Lucian Freud, Jeff Koons, or Damien Hirst.

But no matter. Forcing him see you more often or stopping him from becoming engaged to "someone more special" is impossible. You can't control what he does any more than Frieda Kahlo could control her eyebrow tweezers. Therefore you may do anything you like with the old codger -- love him, leave him, paint his buttocks green -- you're an artist, you're supposed to be "difficult."

And now, my darlings, because "superstars" and the people who want to be ravished by them never take my advice, to heck with it. I offer these stunning astrological predictions: http://askejean.com/dopeastrology/

I now divine that you will click here for more advice: http://elle.com.

Comments

[KentPM]

Scorpio: On your honeymoon, your bridal attire will spark an annulment.

Wow, that's how I feel about marriage and everything!

[JayCole]

I like the new layout. It's easy on the eyes and the picture layout on the right adds to the aesthetic appeal.

[RockinGoldenGirl]

Oh I am just sooo glad my Gemini twin married into the cult and not me!

[susiefitz]

Love E. Jean and so glad she's advising here at Huffington!

[E. Jean Carroll - Huffpost Blogger]

Why thank you, Miss Fitz! I am ecstatic to be here.

[LacyDeane]

How did you know that this libra would today, and only today, crawl out of bed, throw in a ponytail and run out the door. No shower? Gads! Enquiring minds want to know? I applaud you!

[E. Jean Carroll - Huffpost Blogger]

Heeeeee! Those wonderful "predictions" are written by Tiffany Michelle Long and Adrianne Frost.

[Chillin55]

It's nice to see E. Jean on Huffington Post! Clever, clean writing and advice. Were that all of life was this fun and fabulous!

[E. Jean Carroll - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, Miss Chillin! Right back at you!

[AngelsGypsyShoes]

I don't want to marry Ivana, but I do LOVE a good cigar. I think I need to change my birthday!

[E. Jean Carroll - Huffpost Blogger]

A "smoker" are you?

[AngelsGypsyShoes]

If it meant I wouldn't have to marry Ivana, I'd give anything a try.

[gsbouncer]

The column, like my buttocks, are wider, which is so complimenting to the rest of the page. After all, it is the main asset. Ok, I'm done with the butt puns!

But seriously, I like that there is a better focus on the column, and that the slide show is still at the top. I mean, let us be honest, whose eyes don't immediately jump to pictures on a webpage? It forces the reader to work their way down/through the whole page. Yahtzee!

[kimsflower]

as Virgo, i must say facial hair not my tHingy

and WOW~ Capricorn makes even me want to go boating!! whoo Hoo!!

[kimsflower]

Poor Frieda... she couldn't control that husband hers either.

now who was that guitarist?!

[SamanthaChurch]

As a Leo, I'm very humbled that anyone would be willing to stalk me. All I'm saying is, if they're going to hang out in the bushes all day anyway, they may as well do a little yard work for me. Is that so much to ask?

[tigerlyly]

Almost Famous should be even more difficult, artists like to keep things interesting ; )

[Jodelino]

Love the Obama prediction! Those two make marriage look like the coolest partnership of all.

[TMLong]

The coolest partnership since wine and cheese!

[E. Jean Carroll - Huffpost Blogger]

It is a great love affair. Such a joy to see!

[Athena78]

And the Clinton punchline was perfect.

[fayeruz]

Sigh. This advice makes me wistful of a summer evening long ago, when I was pawed at my a drunk Marq Torien, lead singer of The Bullet Boys. My 14 year-old self was blown away by his sexy acid washed jeans and elbow length hair.

LOVE the new look, E. Jean! Easier on the eyes, hence easier to spread the love!

[E. Jean Carroll - Huffpost Blogger]

Indeed,

I once saw Richard Harris (remember him?) at a screening and passed him a note
saying: "YOU ARE A GENIUS!"

He never got over it.

[fayeruz]

Oh, this makes me wistful of a summer evening long ago, when I was pawed at by a drunk Marq Torien, lead singer of the Bullet Boys. My 14 year-old self was in awe of his sexy acid-washed jeans and elbow-length hair. Sigh.

LOVE the new look, E. Jean! Easier on the eyes and easier to spread the love!