Should I Get New Breasts in 2009?
Dear E. Jean:
Please put me out of my misery. For a year I've been tormented: Should I give in to vanity and get modest-size breast implants, or should I endure my saggy breasts, which are causing me to lose my desire for sex? I'm a 28-year-old mother of two, but my breasts make me feel like 40!
--To Sag or Not to Sag
Sag, sweetheart:
Alack! I can no more talk to you into accepting your breasts as they are, than I can talk you into taking Pam Anderson as your Personal Savior.
It all comes down to one philosophical question: Will you be happier with zippy breasts?
For 16 years I've begged women to discover the "right" answer -- i.e., to glory in their their whammers, whether round, flat, small, large, coned, ballooned, barrel-shaped, or bouncing like two basketballs. And, of course, I realize (at last!) there is no right answer.
A sexy young mother of two, such as yourself, might actually feel 50 times happier with a sprightly breast lift (excess skin is removed and your cups are reconstructed) or with roguish implants.
Ravishing Regards,
E. Jean
P.S. I wish my girls were 40 again! What fun we had!
Dear E. Jean:
I'm still in a quandary about my breasts. The sight of them kills my libido. But should I do the noble thing and "accept my body for the way it is?" I'm deeply conflicted.
--Insanity Over Vanity
Insanity, my crazed rosebud:
Wonderful hearing from you again! But for God's sakes, boobs aren't everything. Do what makes you delight in yourself.
Ravishing Regards,
E. Jean
Dear E. Jean:
I received a reply so quickly, I was worried the advice was not from E. Jean herself, but from an intern, assistant, or adoring kept man, and that E. Jean is out drinking pineapple martinis. On the other hand, if this is REALLY E. Jean, you are much better-looking than Dr. Phil.
--Worrisome
Dear Worrisome, my pineapple:
I raise a martini and toast to you and to all Huffington Post readers! May your umlauts bounce with joy and verve through the coming year!
A slightly different version is appearing this month in Elle Magazine. To see more go to http://www.elle.com/.
To write yourown advice column go to I AM SMARTER THAN DEAR ABBY
To lose 20 pounds TONIGHT go HERE.
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YES YES YESSSSSSSS!!
God, save men from women who overthink, which is pretty much all of them.
To all women out there, if your husband/boyfriend/sex friend is fine with your breasts then stop worrying about them.
And to small breasted women out there, it is all about the shape and not the size. So a pair of A cups can be just fine on a women since there is all kinds of beauty out there, not just what you see in Playboy.
I hate boob jobs on women. I mean, if I was about to do the deed with a woman and she whipped out a pair of Breasts by Monsanto I would immediately lose interest. So stop the craziness, okay?
I believe: What ever makes you happy. But I also believe that you should accept yourself the way you are.
Sometime you realize that is not the imperfection that makes you miserable. Is something more deeper than that.
No breasts are more attractive than fake ones. Implants look like what they are plastic!
It's nice to know what is important in life.
Silly me I thought it was about being healthy, staying within the carrying capacity of the planet, and giving to others so they could do the same.
However I'm a guy what could I possibly know?
I want to know why we don't hear men complaining about their raisins hanging too low? Where are all the ads for things to lift and segregate them? Why not? BECAUSE.. it doesn't really matter once you are lying on your back. Turn off the lights.. take your sensitive fingers and feel how wonderful your soft skin smooths beneath your touch.. Even fat guts feel good!
I dare you to focus on falling in love with every inch and wrinkle of your body.
Then again, I am thinking how can I look smashing for a get together I am planning to have with GF's from high school? I haven't seen them in nearly thirty years. I want to LOOK FABULOUS.. so I guess I can understand.
"Turn off the lights.."
Sweety, at my age, my vision ain't so great anymore, especially my night vision. Besides, there are other elements to women other than her boobs such as her face, legs, intimate area (God, I shouldn't have to use this bs evasion of reality, but that's America for you in all of its religious nut glory), how you communicate with each other and skin. It isn't all about boobs. Learn that, live it, love it. There will be a test on it next week.
There may be occasionally be some good reasons for plastic surgery, but in this country, at this time, the plastic boob phenomena is out of hand. Sick, sick, sick.
I'm sure you are a Boobalicious Goddess no matter what you decide to do:) There are so many tiny sexy bras that could lift you, if that is what is troubling you, and they are so much fun to wear during intimate romps! I wish a bit of sag was my only problem! LOL Bet you didn't think there would be people jealous of your draping beauty!!
We wouldn't think twice of going into a doctor for a sore throat or a persistent cough. Your body has been under great physical duress and now it's causing emotional duress, get it checked out.
If a boob-job will make a woman feel better about herself, I say, go for it! I know a girl who had her boobs done and she bacame a whole new person. Her confidence skyrocketed with each new inch of boobage. It's not just about the the look of bigger, perkier breasts; it's not always a vanity thing...it's about a woman feeling good about herself, and sometimes surgery is the key to unlocking a person's true confident self. I wouldn't recommend rushing into something like this, but for some women, it is the best solution. And I'm not just saying all of this 'cause I'm a guy who likes to see women running around with big, fake boobs. I like to see women running around with confident smiles on their faces.
"I just ruined my gorgeous body for nothing. This must be what it's like to have a baby." --Mr. Burns, The Simpsons
She's 28! How saggy can they possibly be?
Hey. Gravity will work its will. If you are desparate, go do a head stand for an hour a day. Geeze Louise, accept who you are and move on. Why help men objectify you as a sexual object and not a human being who happens to be female. Have some self respect.
Jean:
Do what ever makes you feel best. There might be alternatives to surgery. No guarantees here mind you, but many years ago I met a woman who claimed that her large breasts were due to rubbing them with a mixture of warm vinegar and baby powder daily for years I think. She was thin, and at least a DD. Also there is good reason to believe the brava.com vacuum bra people as claim proof by clinical trials. As a man I appreciate the sight of large breasts, but don't particularly like false ones. To clarify, if they are obviously false then I don't like them.
While I am compassionate for the way this young woman feels, as a doctor I find it totally irresponsible that anyone would advocate or support a person voluntarily going under the knife for a vanity surgery. For decades Harvard Med School and the AMA have rated drugs and surgery as the number three killer of Americans. It is dangerous, that is why malpractice insurance is so high.
I agree that no one can convince this woman to love the body she has over the internet, but for goodness sake, encourage her to work with herself on the mental and emotional levels to appreciate herself rather than encouraging a toxic falsehood as a solution.
Thank you, I feel the same way!
In this day and age, no woman should feel unsexy. So, if the sag is adversely affecting the libido, then I say uplift and liberate the twins!!!
Can you get old ones?
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