Eat The Press

birkhead.jpg

TMZ

Because of the sinking feeling that none of them might ever have the chance to report on the virgin birth of an actual Messiah, the media continues to cover the logistics of Dannielyn Smith-Birkhead as if her every move augured the downfall of Western civilization. Click here if you want to see video of MSNBC wasting time they will never--not ever!--get back, no matter how much they might beg and plead on their deathbed.

It's times like this that one realizes that if the moon landing were covered with this sort of rapaciousness, there wouldn't be scads of tin-foil clad shut-ins who have based their Life and Work around the theory that it happened on a Downey, California soundstage in between porno shoots.

Anyway, here's hoping that Dannielyn finds a way to harness the power of the Earth's yellow sun to develop super-strength and heat vision so she can go on to defeat terrorists and Magneto. Otherwise, the alien race that picks through our ruins might conclude that we wasted huge, yawning chunks of our lives.

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