How to Make Your Vulnerability a Strength in Three Steps

05/18/2015 01:40 pm ET | Updated May 18, 2016
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"To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength." -- Criss Jami

First of all congratulations for clicking on this and for being curious about your own vulnerability. For being curious about the paradox that has us all excited and fearful at the same time.

Stepping into vulnerability is scary but allowing yourself to be more vulnerable is hugely powerful and will change your life.

The first step is AWARENESS.

We all have an awesome, inbuilt guidance system, which whispers wisdom from our souls, but many of us have forgotten how or gotten out of the habit of listening. More than that, we live in a society that glorifies and idolises optimism, or feelings of joy and promotes comparison.

The kind of comparison that has us comparing a fish to a bicycle and wondering why we feel different.

Which leaves us feeling vulnerable.

Instead of teaching us that all feelings are equal and moveable and passing - we have been taught that some are less desirable and unwanted. These less desirable feelings like shame, anger, resentment, sadness or vulnerability have become the enemy -- so we numb them out.

We numb them with food, or alcohol, sex, work or TV -- whatever your drug of choice, I know you have one.

The thing is that our feelings including vulnerability are our inner guidance, our hearts and our true selves telling us who we are and what is right for us. The feelings of vulnerability we have are in fact invitations for us to go inside and listen to our own internal wisdom.

When we experience vulnerability we are in fact in tune with and noticing our inner guidance system.

The trick is to listen.

The trick is to become more aware and not to try and control the feelings, but to reframe them not as BAD feelings, but wise, alerts.

I like to think of anger and sadness and shame and feelings of vulnerability as shadow deities; beautiful dark goddesses of the feeling realm, inviting me to go inside and listen for their wisdom.

So how do you make vulnerability a strength?

Listen to it, underneath the helplessness or fear is a whisper of truth talking to you.

The second step is trust.

Once you trust yourself and your feelings you will be acting from a place that is authentic and real. A place that resonates with people because it is your hearts message.

People will hear you on the level from which you connect with them.
When you connect with your heart and trust what it has to say and then speak and act from your truth -- it will have a profound effect -- a rippling butterfly effect.

The truth is that life is one huge oxymoron. The truth is that it is indeed through your vulnerability that you find your strength.

The third step is practice.

Like building anything you must repeat the exercise until you become competent and confident in it.

So start small, learning to trust yourself takes time and patience.

Try not to set yourself up -- pick good people to share your vulnerabilities and your heart with. Slowly you will gain momentum and find that as you trust yourself more you will trust others more and then one day you'll find you are speaking to or acting with the bus driver or a stranger with the same heart and vulnerable realness as you would your bestie.

You've got this.

Ebonie