How Do You Deal With Burnt Toast?
We were just with Deb's mother, Anne Bancroft, in England. On the third day we were invited for tea at the House of Lord's (more of that below) and were preparing to catch a train to London. In a bit of a rush we were quickly downing breakfast when the toast got burnt. We watched in amusement as Anne took a deep breath and said, "Oh dear, burnt toast," calmly tossed it in the trash and put a fresh slice of bread in the toaster.
Few of us usually have such a reaction to burnt toast, especially when we are in a hurry. But Deb's mom displayed the same attitude of calm acceptance later that day when we were having tea in London. Now, being invited to the House of Lords does not happen every day, but we were there to discuss a meditation project with one of the younger Lords. It is a stunningly beautiful old building, seeped in history and tradition and was a real contrast for Ed, who grew up in the Bronx. We sat in the chambers and listened to the debate; we walked through the Queen's robbing room where her throne sits; and then we went for tea.
Tea in the regal Tea Rooms sounds quintessentially English and we fully expected it to be of good English quality. The room was spectacular, the service was everything we could have wanted, but the cakes were not -- they were dry, commercial and cheap -- not good Brit fare. All we could do was swallow distastefully and continue our conversation. It is not good manners to complain!
Accepting and simply being with what is, is a quality that Deb's mother has perfected. It showed itself as she delicately ate her most boring chocolate éclair. It is a quality that we can continue to learn in every moment that does not go our way. But, instead, we usually spend most of our time wishing that things were different -- whether it is the big things like our partner or job, or the smaller things like the weather, burnt toast, or chocolate éclairs.
When we resist 'what is' then we create more suffering for ourselves, as there is a constant, underlying dissatisfaction, otherwise known as the 'If Only...' syndrome. If only this, that or the other happened, then I could be happy. If only so-and-so would change his or her behavior / lose weight / find a job, then I could be happy. If only I had more money / a bigger house / went traveling / had a good lover, then I could be happy. We were teaching a workshop and a participant, Karen, said she could only be happy when her children were happy. The list is endless. You can fill in the blank spaces for yourself.
Accepting what is, as it is, does not mean that we are like doormats and get passively walked over by all and sundry. Rather, it means recognizing that what happened even just a second ago can never be changed, it is letting the past be where it is so it does not take over the future. We make friends with ourselves and our world.
At the same time we can also make changes wherever necessary, working toward a saner and more caring present. We can either make a song and dance about burnt toast and get even more stressed, or we can take a deep breath and put a fresh slice of bread in the toaster.
How do you deal with burnt toast or other difficult situations? Do you have any interesting stories? Do leave us a comment below. You can receive notice of our blogs every Thursday by checking Become a Fan at the top.
Ed and Deb Shapiro's new book, BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You And The World, forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, with contributors such as Marianne Williamson, astronaut Edgar Mitchell, Michael Beckwith, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jane Fonda, Jack Kornfield, Byron Katie, Gangaji, Ellen Burstyn, Ed Begley, Dean Ornish, Russell Bishop, and others, will be published November 3rd 2009 by Sterling Ethos.
Deb is the author of the award-winning book YOUR BODY SPEAKS YOUR MIND. Ed and Deb are the authors of over 15 books, and lead meditation retreats and workshops. They are corporate consultants, and the creators of Chillout daily inspirational text messages on Sprint cell phones. See: www.EdandDebShapiro.com
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I'm a "scrape it and eat it" kind of guy... burnt Pop Tarts, on the other hand...
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Hi TullyMars- thanks for your comment
I grew up with a scrape it and eat it...the Bronx way...we had toaster that was unpredictable ...so you never knew what would arise...yo
Now-a-days the toasters are more precise so you could chose how you want it...ha
Most important is to have a good sense of humor...if you don't it's just not funny
Ed
Must be an era thing as the toast at home seemed to be either burnt or almost white - what was wheat bread? So i learned early from my Dad, eat the burnt stuff as there was less competition for it and you get your toast faster. Maybe that was how i learned to accept the burnt toast part of life and go with it. More fun that sitting around complaining and waiting for the perfect toast, person, situation, etc to come along. Make what ever happens just right. Besides, peanut butter and jelly helps the burnt stuff be spot on (that's British, isn't it?) : )
I look for the face of Jesus in my burnt toast... Then I offer it for sale on eBay!
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RedWhitean
If you don't have a sense of humor it's just not funny
Thanks for your great comment
Joyfully,
Ed
Hi Ed and Deb,
One part of my patchwork quilt of a life was being part of the Jet Set.
I remember my boyfriend telling me to bring a good frock from New York to Londong because we were having dinner at The House.
That conversation was much like an Abbot and Costello routine.
"The House."
"Whose house?" I asked
"THE House." he said.
"Whose house?" I asked
"The House of Commons."
I don't remember the meal, but the service was indeed terrific.
Our friend, John Brown MP, had recently taken office, He regaled us with stories of stepping on the Queen's foot while dancing with her. Then he and his wife gossiped about Charles affair with Camilla. The conversation was far more memorable than the fare. We all drank waaaaay too much. His wife and I decided to roller skate in the House of Lords. (Mercifully we did not follow through with that drunken plan.)
What a wise and wonderful post. Thank you for always reminding us to not sweat the small stuff!
Have A Scone with Clotted Cream For Me!
Eli
I am a Brit too and I love your story-
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hello my soul sistah Eli
I just love ya story- it is really a hoot-
I enjoyed The House of Lords as the splendor was beyond - so regal
While we were walking around I ran into Lord David Puttnam
- he did "Chariots of Fire" and "The Killing Fields." - also seeing so many faces you see on the news and in that setting was so cool. being in the Chambers during debate was awesome. --and eating a crummy eclairs in the most posh Tea Room was kind of hilarious.
Big Love,
Ed
I love burnt toast especially with butter and sugar on it .Its the way my mother made it in England we had a long fork and held the bread in front of the fire to toast . I guess I am aging my self. What wonderful memories,those were the day's.
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Hi yoyo22 - great story- wow what a great visual- it sounds so good and wonderful-
It's like being at a baon fire and toasting marsh mellows -
You ar enot aging yourself cause you sound like you are eternally young
Jolly good,
Ed
I make my husband crazy because when he breaks a dish or a glass or anything, he shouts & swears, and then berates himself for being so clumsy.
In contrast, when I break a dish (including a valueable piece of inherited china), I say, oh well, we have so many dishes anyway, and throw it away without another thought.
When my kids were toddlers and would break something or do something he didn't like, my ex-husband would want to punish them "so they will learn". I would say why does it bother you, because it doesn't bother me.
It's funny, but being calm sometimes upsets other people! Why is that?
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bmermaid - Great comment thanks for sharing-
When something happens that is disturbing the ego mind comes into play- the tendency of the ego mind is to be right -- when it enters into that mode and is challenged it becomes outraged -- and when threatened becomes defensive etc.
when you are calm and cool it emphasizes the opposite in them and they can't bear it.
Sometimes to keep the peace it helps to acknowledge the way they feel and say, "I understand how you feel but I feel differently. We all have a right to our own point of view."
We can only do our best and leave the rest.
Be happy,
Ed
I'm reminded of the wonderful words of wisdom "God grant me the serinity to accept the things I cannot change...t
yes when that "burnt toast of life pops up", I pray I have the wisdom to just pop it in the basket!
Thanks again for a great blog!
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AndiG - How great to hear from you-
I love your comment so much I want to repeat it:
"God grant me the serinity to accept the things I cannot change...t
yes when that "burnt toast of life pops up", I pray I have the wisdom to just pop it in the basket!
Enjoy the journey,
Ed
Pt.2
Investing into our future.
Without compassion what are we humans?
Without being humane what is humanity?
If we need to obliterate others to protect ourselves then what is our purpose of existence?
To practice compassion, be humane to others and being unselfish is what make us humans. The opposites of these qualities also what make us humans. Only humans are capable of destroying this earth. No other living creatures can do that. We are the only ones that are capable of destroying the very earth we stand on.
So what will it be? A future of greed, hatred and delusion or one of sharing, compassion and awakening?
Good qualities need to be taught and practiced. Cultivated from an early age. To choose caring leaders for the future then we ourselves must cultivate and invest upon our children these positive traits. After all we are responsible for our own destiny especially on choosing what kind of person we want to lead us. It is time we stop chasing our dreams and start taking care of our future. Do continue to practice universal unselfish compassion. It is like our loving kindness we have for our children but to extend this love to all beings and creatures. When our good intention and action become one with our heart then will truly be happy .
May all beings be well and happy.
Hence Jonahson born and dies in The Huffington Post.
…….silence
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Dharma brother- spiritual friend, you are a rare jewel many tashi delegs!
Om mane padme hum- You are a jewel in the heart of the lotus,
Ed- Jygme powa- fearless friend
Pt.1
Hi Ed and Dep, the short period both of you have been in "Living" certainly brought a lot of warmth and compassion here. You have also brought a lot of joy to people. I hope both of you will continue your good work not just in HuffPo but also elsewhere. May both of you have good health and may compassion be your guide, strength and vehicle. Remember where there is suffering there will be Buddha. Be patient.
Towards the end of this year I will go on a long retreat. I too need to practice what I have realized. If I do not look for the soluttions then who else will? There is a an ancient saying that it is easy to understand the Buddha's teachings but it is difficult to practice. We often look for an exotic answer to a simply question yet beating around the bush we finally find the answer is right in front of us all this while. The ancient call that,"Big eyes do not see mountain in front." Simple question like where is my hatred hidden when the conditions for it to arise is not there(?) will help us develop truth, realization and accept reality.
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Jonahson- You are special to me in the relative- I will miss you but I am aware the greatest gift we can give to this world is our peace our freedom- so your retreat will benefit others-- I love your statement:
We often look for an exotic answer to a simply question yet beating around the bush we finally find the answer is right in front of us all this while. The ancient call that,"Big eyes do not see mountain in front."
At least you will be around when our book is published Nov 3rd
In the dharma,
Ed
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Hi Ed & Deb, I'm just returning from the most glorious week at Omega Holistic Institute, teaching a workshop entitled "Our Lady of Weight Loss enLIGHTens
FYI ... Toast is an anagram of "stoat".
Much love and jelly,
Janny
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Hi Janny,
I love your comments- sounds like you had fun at Omega- great
I love your: FYI ... Toast is an anagram of "stoat".
what does that mean- I'm guessing it means "stout"
Big Love,
Ed
Burnt toast is excellent with butter peanut butter and bacon in sandwich form. Being present while cooking the bread will keep one balaced and away from the Cardiologist.
Thoughts and Prayers
I take my burnt toast, scrape the charred parts into the sink and force myself to eat it, that way I will be more careful and not burn it next time.
I eat it hating each and every bite.
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Hi denisew- thanks for your comment
Learn fom mistakes is a great teaching
May all things go well for you,
Ed
Hi Ed & Deb - I love your post especially since I am a Brit
You did capture the English way and I am sure Ed must find it a bit different than the Bronx.
being with what is --certaining is where it is at. Your mum sounds quite interesting.
Cheers,
Lizzypie
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Hi Lizzypie- Glad to hear from you- As they say England and America are separated by a common language- It is fun when you expect that because we both speak English that we would have so much in common but there is so many words and sayings that are so very different-
like the name randy in England means horny- and I'll give you a bell in the smoke means I'll call you in London- the hood of a cr is a bonnet - and the trunk is the boot.....
Deb's mum is terrific she is a wise lady and I adore her
Jolly be,
Ed
I love burnt toast especially the kind my mother used to make. I think it's important to live your life without any preconditions that way you will never be disappointed or feel the need to get angry. I try to let every moment of my life blossom on its own.
It's nice to see you back
Superfrog
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Hey superfrog that is so true I find this very helpful - you may too -
"No appointments no disappointments!"
May your heart be as big as the Universe-
Joyfully,
Ed
Hi Guys,
As I posted once before....
Hope you folks are well.
Take care,
SOF
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Hi SOF I smilw when I haer drom you- How are things going?
I do love you mNTRA- "don't trip over whats behind you." it says it so well!
Big Love,
Ed
What some people call "burnt" toast is actually bread that has been deeply browned and is crunchy. That's the way I like it. When I say "toast," I don't mean just warm bread (fresh-baked being the exception).
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Aesthete Thanks for your comment - i like the way you put it
your dexscription is spot on
Joyfully,
Ed
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