It's Time for Some Loving Kindness

In the last week we have been witnessing a huge amount of hateful and vicious language and behavior in the election. Despite promising to run a positive campaign, it has spiraled into a deeply divided and negative war. Thankfully it will all be over very soon, but in the meantime, what can we learn from it?

The story goes that, at the time of the Buddha, a group of monks wanted to do a quiet retreat away from the crowds of followers, so the Buddha sent them to a glade in the forest where he said they would be undisturbed. The monks found their way there and settled down to meditate. But what they didn't know was that the glade was inhabited by a gang of tree spirits who were really upset that the monks had come. And when tree spirits get upset they can be extremely scary, ugly, very smelly and unbelievably noisy, ferociously shrieking all over the place.

They did everything they could to spook the hermits and make them leave. And it worked. The monks couldn't possibly meditate with so much disturbance, so they went back to the Buddha and begged him to let them go somewhere else. But no. Instead, he taught them a meditation practice of loving kindness, or metta in Sanskrit, which develops loving kindness towards everyone, including yourself and your enemies. And then he sent the monks back to the forest. His famous words were, This is the only protection you will need.

Thinking the Buddha must be mad, the monks reluctantly went back to the glade, sat down and began practicing metta. And the tree spirits, who at first were not at all pleased to see them returning, no longer had any affect on them. For all their antics, the monks just kept sitting there and beaming out loving kindness. Eventually the spirits were won over by the waves of love and compassion emanating from these robed ones and, far from than chasing them away, the same nasties that had been so ferocious now became disciples.

The question is, who are the tree spirits? They are everything that goes on in our own minds--all the dark places, doubts, insecurities, fears, anger, negative thoughts-- that constantly undermine our balance and positivity. And the point the Buddha was making is that loving kindness has the capacity to overcome all manner of inner monsters and ghouls and lead us to a true heart opening. Metta is the act of extending our love, kindness and friendship equally towards all beings, proving that love is more powerful than any negative force. Rather than trying to deal with negativity, we cultivate the opposite; seeing and knowing pain, we bring loving kindness.

We know this sounds so easy: just be kind and loving, how great, what a cool idea. But in practice it is not always so easy, such as when someone says or does something that is personally critical, derogatory or hurtful. Can metta still flow when the ego is upset? By focusing on loving kindness as a way of living, it shows us all those places that are bound in ego and selfishness; it brings us up against our limitations and means confronting our boundaries. Where do we meet our edge? Where is our capacity to step over the edge into greater kindness? How genuine is our ability to bring kindness to a difficult situation?

We remember talking with our friend, the spiritual teacher Ram Dass, at the time of the Clinton/Dole election, and he told us how he had a picture of Bob Dole on his meditation altar as "Dole needs the most love and compassion as he is the one being so vilified."

In that act, he was practicing true metta. It was an important reminder not to cast anyone out of our hearts, for in the process we are casting out ourselves. If we feel affected by someone being hostile, dismissive, critical or hurtful it is invariably because there is a hook in us for that negativity to grab hold of, a place where it can land and trigger all our hidden feelings of unworthiness, insecurity, doubt, even self-hate. However, when we extend metta towards someone we are having a hard time with, an extraordinary thing happens: the landing place, or the hook within, begins to dissolve. In opening to loving kindness our positivity is strengthened. When there is no place for the negativity to land, it dissolves.

Metta asks that we stay caring, that we keep the heart open in the face of the person or situation we are struggling with and all the accompanying anger, annoyance and conflict, and to hold that with gentle tenderness. Then amazing change is possible.
May all beings be happy and free from suffering.

***

Ed and Deb Shapiro are bestselling authors, corporate consultants, meditation teachers, and the creators of Chillout daily text messages on Sprint cell phones.
See their website: www.EdandDebShapiro.com.

Comments

[Muse11]

Ed and Deb,
Thank you for your wonderful words and thoughts! I think it's so important to remain still in the face of chaos (referring to your last paragraph)....to remain caring ...it's the greatest teacher and example to LIVE that.
peace and love,
Nikki (from LA!)

[Muse11]

Thank you for your wonderful words and thoughts!

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

What a beautiful post.
Thank you for reminding us what life is really about! Praying for McCain and Palin is a magnificent way to raise one's spiritual temperature. Thank you for making our world a more warm and loving place.

[Russell Bishop - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Ed and Deb: thanks for another meaningful post. The practice reminds me of advice from a friend years ago in a seminar we were teaching: he counseled that if we really understood the old story asking of the ends justify the means, we would focus on the ends and wind up discovering that the ends actually are the means! At the end of the day, most of us are seeking great love, caring and peace in our lives. If those are the ends, then metta makes abundant sense. By being more loving, caring and peaceful in our daily choices, we will buld a great supply of love, care and peace. It may be a slow process to change the world, but a relatively quick one to change mysefl. Blessings to you for your warm and mindful post.

[Ed Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Russell you are an inspiration to me. I am happy to know you and a joy that there is so much wisdom in the HuffPost. May we all keep having fun and create blogs that are meaningful. Happy days are here again.

[Baggaratz]

Sorry if I'm the zillionth person to ask this, but where's the photo?

[Ed Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Baggaratz if you look on the LIVING page --- HuffingtonPost.com/living and look on the right side down a bit you will see a puppy and a fawn---I hope that helps

[avraamjack]

.
A nice story. It brings to mind the story of Jesus saying that the most important thing is to love thy neighbor as yourself.
.
Can you suggest a way to practice metta to a person who just spent the last dozen years being tortured with poison and radiation by gang stalkers while his worthless government just watched. i understand that is becoming common.
.

[Ed Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Yes this is our world. It can really be difficult. Yet we have to live with the ignorance and greed that surrounds us. But we need not add to it, nor let it make us bitter or angry, or we are playing the same game.

Instead we can develop compassion for their ignorance, and kindness for both ourselves and others. It is the only way real change can happen, just as Nelson Mandela forgave his jailers.

[avraamjack]

.
Thank you.
.

[Happyexpat]

I came here because of the photo, but boy did I need to read these words today! I have allowed myself to become unhinged by this nasty campaign. About on a par with Palin herself. Good thing I'm not running for office. Thank you Ed & Deb!!

[Ed Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Your comment is heartwarming. It is painful to see people treating each other poorly but loving kindness is a great healing gift. I am happy we were able to share with you something that guides our lives.

May all beings be happy!

[dadw5boys]

I have to agree with the two girls in that video. Puppies are the best cure troubled times. Puppoes just bring joy into your life.
Of course I also have the greatest joy machines in my sons and my daughter. They have been anything but boring dince their birth. They bring the whole roller coaster of life with them every where they go.

[Ed Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Animals bring out the good in us all! Puppies are so pure and innocent. Joy to you!

[maryhaze]

respectfully disagreeing, not just puppies, dogs in general are the best. puppies might be pure & innocent & have (sigh) puppy breath, but any dog can take away cares & pains. i run a dog rescue & i see more lovely, breathtaking, inspiring, & just pain goofy things in any single day. these dogs saved my life & i repay them by taking them when no one else will. i've seen very abused dogs come around & start to foster other dogs. crippled dogs leaning on the more able. hell, more than once i've used their strong bodies to pull my butt out of bed when i've had cracked ribs from pneumonia. & these are all abused dogs. they would give their lives for me, just as i would for them. in return, i never use a bathroom by myself, taking a shower is a group effort & a bath is out of the question:~)))))

[JacquiDB]

We can't be reminded often enough of your wise words, Ed and Deb! Another great adage comes to mind: Be the change you want to see.

[AndiG]

LET'S HEAR IT FOR LOVING KINDNESS!!!!
May we all be filled with loving kindness today....what a beautiful concept! I shall put it into practice right now in this very moment . Thanks again Ed & Deb for another uplifting moment in my day!

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Ed and Deb,

You are true "spiritual warriors!" What a beautiful and meaningful post! Indeed, there are too many "tree spirits" associated with this election and not nearly enough "loving kindness" (metta). And, unfortunately, the roots of these tree spirits seem to have extended beyond the campaigns of the various candidates. I've observed the antithesis of loving kindness even in HuffPo's Living Section, which is unfortunate. Frankly, I can't wait for the campaign to be over, although after November 4th I suspect that we're going to need even more metta than we do now!

My mentor, Viktor Frankl, wrote the following in his classic bestseller, MAN"S SEARCH FOR MEANING: "The truth is that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire." I know that Dr. Frankl would love to have been able to read your post. Thank you for the inspiration!

Your friend, colleague, and kindred spirit,
Alex

[Ed Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Alex,

You bring me joy--and Deb as well. What a great Soul you are! I know Victor Frankl would be thrilled you are continuing his message.

Your brilliance shines shines shines. May you keep bringing Light to the HuffPost Living. I look forward tocontinue drinking from your cup.

Love you mate,

Joyfully, Ed

[SBrooksB]

For what it's worth, I downloaded the Bambi/spaniel photo accompanying this article, and the downloaded photo triggered my antivirus alarm. It may have been a false positive, but proceed with caution.

[johnnyblank]

Wow. Thank you Ed & Deb for sharing the words that speak to the insanity that sometimes plagues me and steers my ego in the wrong direction. Definitely, love and compasion are the right choices.

[Ed Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Love an compassion are spot on but do include skillful means. This is helpful to be aware of how to deal with whatever arises with deep understanding

[Jonahson]

Great story should include metta meditation.

[lindseywolf]

I loved the description of the hook, or landing place inside for negativity to hit. I'm an incredibly sensitive person which has its advantages at times, but this was a helpful description for me to understand why at times, I am so deeply affected by others and any negativity around me. Living in New York City, anytime I'd see some sort of act of ugliness, violence or sadness walking down the street, I'd be affected and practically think about it all day. It's time to think about projecting loving kindness outward in those types of situations instead of focusing on what's coming in. And yeah, the campaign ads just make me sad, so a similar strategy there would be helpful...thanks for the great post!

[Ed Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for your comment --When things going on outside you are negative it may help to say:

May i be well May i be peaceful

May others be well May others be peaceful.

Transform all things with Loving Kindness

Do your best and leave the rest