Why Do Little Girls Skip (And Little Boys Run)?

Just the other morning we were going to the gym when we passed a little girl holding hands with her mother. The girl was happily skipping along. It immediately made Deb ask: Why do little girls skip? And why, as young William says, do little boys walk when they can run?

Obviously, it is because these are expressions of happiness. But it made us stop and think about how we express our happiness once we get to be adults.

Deb: The little girl skipping made me remember that when I was little I used to sing to myself. No particular tune or song, but I would often find myself humming or singing without even realizing I was doing it. Ed says I still do that. The interesting thing is that, even though I didn't have the happiest of childhoods--mother divorced father for cruelty, I was in boarding school from age eight, and so on--there was a happiness inside me that was all mine, untouched by drama or trauma.

Ed: I used to dance with my sister and brother from when I was about 5 years old; we had a whole routine the three of us would do together. I lived in a one-bedroom apartment in the Bronx with a strict and irritated stepmother, yet I was always able to find a place to dance. When I danced I was at my happiest, it took me out of my daily reality and was the way I could really express myself. I was even a dancing teenager on television and won the NYC dance championships when I was 19.

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. -- Helen Keller

It would seem that regardless of emotional and physical hardships there is a place inside each of us that is essentially happy and free--but we have a tendency to ignore this place, to deny our happiness, or to think that being happy is dependent on circumstances or fortune, something outside ourselves.

One night we were walking through Pondicherry, a city in Southern India, stepping carefully to avoid rats and dog poop, when we saw two boys preparing for bed, which was on the hard concrete of the sidewalk. What really struck us was, in spite of their clear hardships, they were laughing loudly and happily. Having more is not always better, especially when your happiness is greater than your material wealth.

In the West we correlate our happiness with economic prosperity. But in Bhutan, a small but beautiful country in the Himalayan mountains squeezed between Northern India and China, they determine their country's wealth by the quantity of Gross National Happiness (or GNH). People's level of happiness serves as a unifying vision for the economic and development plans of the country.

Yet Bhutan is not a materially rich country and life for most people is hard--there were no roads before 1960, they till the high mountain fields with oxen, and certainly most do not have central heating or air conditioning. But their happiness is that deep sense of appreciation and inner contentment. This is seen in their sense of community and caring for one another, and their radiant smiles.

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy--because we will always want to have something else or something more. -- Brother David Steindl-Rast

Given the current economic difficulties many of us are now facing, perhaps this is the perfect time to reassess what gives us happiness and how we express it--to reconnect with the inner joy that made us either skip or run when we were younger--for it is easy to forget to be happy.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. -- M. Scott Peck

So how do you express your happiness? Do write a comment below. You can receive notice of our blogs every Thursday by checking Become a Fan at the top.

***

Ed and Deb Shapiro's new book, BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You And The World, forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, with contributors such as Marianne Williamson, Michael Beckwith, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jane Fonda, Jack Kornfield, Byron Katie, John Gray, Ellen Burstyn, astronaut Edgar Mitchell, Sylvia Boorstein, Dean Ornish, Ed Begley, Seane Corn, Jack Kornfield, Ram Dass, Russell Bishop, and others, will be published 3 November 2009 by Sterling Ethos. Deb is the author of the award-winning book YOUR BODY SPEAKS YOUR MIND. Ed and Deb are the authors of over 15 books, and lead meditation retreats and workshops. They are corporate consultants, and the creators of Chillout daily inspirational text messages on Sprint cell phones. See: www.EdandDebShapiro.com.

Comments

[justamom71]

I love to play in the rain, barefoot. And when it rains enough to make mudpuddles, I will walk and squish the mud between my toes. My husband thinks I'm nuts, but my kids...well, let's just say that Momma's the favorite parent.:>)

[CaveatMagnusFrater]

I love to play blocks with my 3-year old grandson. I thought i knew how to arrange blocks just fine but apparently Poppy doesn't quite understand the complexities of make believe trains. I'm learning, he's a good teacher.

Love you guys,
Peace

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

CaveatMagnusFrater- Thanks for your love and sharing your lovely story - we love you too!

Sounds like you are having the time of your life.

Children + grandparents = Happiness

Treasure yourself,

Ed

[ken108]

excellent.. keep going dear ones.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

ken108- appreciate your comment

Happiness is our birthright and who could define it more than little girls and little boys.

Treasure yourself,

Ed

[peachesmahoney]

I played school with my three year old niece yesterday. I was the teacher and she did little assignments by scribbling on paper. It was the best moment of my week! For just a short period of time, I wasn't worried about money or relationships or politics. I was just playing. And it felt like a revelation!
It's odd that simply taking a minute to have fun and be childlike is a better cure for worry or the blues than any drug on the market.

So today, I plan on eating an ice cream cone and playing catch with my dog. It's a pretty simple plan but then again I guess that's the point!

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

peachesmahoney- you are so dear- what a lucky niece to have you in her life- thanks for sharing

In India the highest Yogis called Paramahamsa's Parma - highest -- hamsa swan

highest swan - would have children around them so they can learn to be childlike and natural

Those moments of playing = revelation - are as it gave you so very much!

Treasure yourself and your niece,

Ed

[NWBrunette]

I'll never give up skipping, or twirling in my skirt, of playing on the swing, or feeling the grass on my bare feet. Thank you.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

NWBrunette- Love your comment and your wonderful attitude

Life is a gift

enjoy the journey

Treasure yourself,

Ed

[IndependentInColorado]

I don't know what warmed my heart more- your lovely article or your thoughtful responses to each and every post here.
It is snowing very hard here in Colorado today, but my heart is full of a wealth of sunshine and flowers now. Thank you.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

IndependentInColorado- You warm my heart -
I love skiing in the Rockies so snow is a blessing for us ski bums-
Tomorrow the sun will shine and bring spring flowers

I am so happy when I hear someone feels as you do about our blogs- Thank you!

- I love the Bhutanese way of life- if we could even get one taste here in the US of -

Gross National Happiness - GNH - that would be my wish-

Enjoy the journey,

Ed

[carolinecantoo]

good article. I am really blessed to have a son with Autism. He is twenty years old and pretty happy most of the time. Joey is my #1 teacher of happiness. I love the looks we get when we take a twenty year old 6 foot plus guy out for walks on the beach or pier. He loves to skip!!!! I tried it and it does feel pretty good. He lives in the moment in his body. What a lesson. You can tell he really enjoys being.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

carolinecantoo- Wow - thansk for your heart warming wonderful comment and for sharing your story

Joey #1 Mr. Happiness sounds very special- I can just see him skipping

Love is the healer- let us keep loving and be a friend- you sound like a sweet mother

Treasure yourself, Joey and the world

Life is a gift an adventure- enjoy,

Ed

Ed

[Promise]

What a wonderful article! Thanks for reminding me of skipping...I'd forgotten about it...don't think I've seen anyone skip in a long time. I remember skipping on my way to school every day--it was just how I got there. I'm on a walking program now---count the steps on a pedometer and have to record it every week in the computer.. Tomorrow I'm going to skip instead...I wonder what the pedometer will do??!

I LOVE the Bhutan idea of measuring Gross National Happiness! I have thought a lot about how our country measures its success or well-being by how much money we spend. We need to change that...maybe ask Obama to appoint a Secretary of Happiness....Hey, one of you guys would be good for the job!

Your story of the two Indian boys laughing as they prepared for "bed" on the concrete sidewalk is amazing. I've been in poor areas of Mexico where the children radiated happiness, too.

I never thought about how I express happiness but now that you've mentioned it, I have noticed recently that I'm singing when I enter the post office to pick up my mail. Usually I tone it down but now I think I'll tone it up!

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Promise- This is one of the lovliest comments- you have a heart as big as the Universe!

The Bhutanese story is wonderful and the Indian boys were heart arming

Skip and be happy - you are a jewel

Treasure yourself,

Keep skipping

Ed

[Lizzypie]

This weeks posting makes me think of the new global sensation, Susan Boyle. She was asked during one of the many interviews what kept her going in the face of being jeered (& judges rolling eyes!) when she walked out on stage. She said "you just have to keep going on" - which I interpret as that she aroused her own Inner "thingie" - is in touch with her own "Basic Goodness", or sense of well-being about herself that comes from within - and is therefore unconditional.
As for skipping/running etc - I took that as symbolic of describing that unconditional inner joy - boy, girl no matter which.
I have a picture of myself as a 3 year old, clasping my hands in utter joyous glee. I sometimes used to say that was me before my parents "shamed the glee out of me". They didn't mean to do it, but that was how most parents raised children back then - bad little girl, you ought to be ashamed of yourself!

Anyways, I am thrilled to report that now, much later in life, I have fully restored that sense of inner glee and joy that almost got squelched. Life is good.
Thanks Deb & Ed

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Lizzypie- Great to read your enjoyable comment-

I cried each time I saw Susan Boyle her singing was unbelievable -her English village manner just touched my heart-

Yes it was symbolic and related to Deb and i walking to the gym and seeing a little girl skipping and happy- it's good that you were able to understand

Thanks for sharing your story- I wonder if you are still skipping?

Ed

[freedomisabsolute]

Happiness most certainly comes from within. That's why I always find that romantic comedy notion of I'm going to try to make you happy to be so destructive. I say that instead of trying to be being happy, I am going to be happiness and the embodiment of. All I have to do is get out the way ( all my fears, judgments, value placements, anger, attachments). Happiness is indestructible, whatever comes across it's path cannot change it.

I have since changed inside and all of those petty grievances have gone and don't really arise anymore. I'm not resistant anymore to what is, I have taken responsibility and control for my feelings and my reactions to those feelings, traffic is a time to enjoy the view or just sit back, I'm not in a rush anymore, cause I realized that I'm always exactly where I need to be. This is happiness. Not a state of mind but a state of being.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

freedomisabsolute - hey you are absolutely spot on & wonderful - whew! your story is so good to hear

glad that you got it - and your name says it all-
Happiness is our birthright-- it is just the ego mind that gets in the way of most people

E-GO --the monkey mind that for some is running and skipping out of control keeps us from the precious jewel that is within our hearts- the ego mind is a great servant but a terrible master!

Treasure yourself,

Ed

[SneathLane]

Little boys skip frequently. It's a VERY entertaining form of locomotion.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

SneathLane- Absolutely

we use to have skipping races - The point of our blog is HAPPINESS

Sharing, giving and the works!

what gives you happiness?

Enjoy- oh now I skip down the ski slopes!

Ed

[chaya]

A terrible title for your article. Lots of little boys skip--and lots of little girls run. I knew a little boy who skipped, and he grew up to be a wonderful man. Likewise, little girls who run grow up to be terrific women. Don't contribute to sexist stereotypes--and childrens' problems--by spreading this stuff around.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Chaya- It was never our intention to be sexist!

I hope you read blog as we were merely discussing ways of expressing HAPPINESS!

Of course girls run and boys skip- I was the best skipper on my block and my sister could run faster than me.

Joyfully skipping happily,

Ed

[carolinecantoo]

I am wondering if you read the article.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

carolinecantoo

Thank you for your support

Have a happy life,

Ed

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi chaya- you may want to read carolinecantoo and freedomisabsolutes comments

they are so heartwarming

Joey's skipping story brought tears of joy to my eyes!

Life is a joy,

Ed

[NoSandwiches]

I love to sing, but my husband does not hear tones correctly, so when he sings, he is always "off." If I try to match his tone, he just switches, trying to match mine and again is "off."
He confessed to me that he was kicked out of music class many times as a littleboy because the music teacher thought he did that on purpose, and he lost the joy of singing.

I told him that he should sing because it makes him feel happy, and don't worry about what everyone else hears. Now we sing together all the time, and he sings with our little son as well.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

NoSanwiches- How kind of you to share you great story-
My music teacher in the Bronx- Mr. McCormick said I couldn't sing- it hurt and made me self conscious. I became involved with Yoga and trained in India and lo and behold started chanting.

I was/am really good and have recorded a chanting album!

Good for your husband and how wonderful he sings with your little son.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmm

Ed

[research]

What are you talking about? I loved to skip!

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi research- who doesn't love to skip!

But boys are always running after girls who are skipping

Enjoy the journey,

Skipping will get you everywhere-

Happiness is your birthright,

Ed

[Micky]

I thought you were going to explain why little boys don't skip. Bummer

I liked to skip.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Micky- of course they skip- they just like to run!

I skipped all over the Bronx

Enjoy the journey,

Ed