Nineteen year-old Tyler Clementi recently committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington Bridge after his roommate and a friend secretly videotaped him having gay sex and put it out on the internet. Similarly, two men and a woman videoed themselves enthusiastically laughing as they beat up an old man. We may not always agree with others, but why do we need to cause them suffering? Why do we think it's funny to put down, hurt or even abuse another person?
Children giggle when another child falls down; when the opposition team wins we call them nasty names; when someone is bloodily beat up in a boxing match people shout for more. America's Funniest Home Videos is full of images of people falling, crashing, making mistakes, and the resounding laughter that accompanies them. For instance, the ABC website highlights a bride's veil that catches fire. Why do we find this so amusing?
In the political arena constant put-downs are normal. Rush Limbaugh has repeatedly said he wants President Obama to fail, as well as his administration and its agenda for economic and health care reform: "If Obama fails, America is saved."
We attack others in order to feel good, or at least belittle someone as a way of making ourselves look better; finding fault or putting them down makes us feel superior. This tends to happen more when we are down ourselves, as misery loves company; feel bad yourself and you invariably find fault in others.
You would think that as healthy human beings we would be concerned about another's good fortune and happy to respect their preferences and choices. When we have a genuine regard for ourselves we naturally extend that by wishing others success. Mudita is a Sanskrit term meaning "sympathetic joy," or taking joy in other people's happiness and well-being.
Now, in essence, this sounds very easy and obvious -- feeling joyful for another's joy -- but someone else's good fortune may be at the expense of our own (they got the job but we didn't) so can we still be happy for them? It may highlight our own lack of good fortune, or challenge our self-worth and value. In other words, taking joy in someone you may have a negative feeling toward certainly does not happen overnight!
Mudita confronts us with those places that are wrapped up in our ego, such as jealousy, envy, judgment and greed. Jealousy isn't going to get us anywhere other than into further pain and suffering, but how often do we wish that someone does not succeed because their success highlights our own sense of failure?
We judge others in comparison with our own beliefs and preferences, but we can respect their choices, even if they are different to our own. Greed and self-centeredness take us out of the present and stop us from appreciating what we have right now.
Mudita asks that we let go of envy and comparison by seeing the other as ourselves, that there is no difference: we all experience the human condition, we breathe the same air, and we all want to be happy. Releasing judgment means stepping outside of our limited view and letting go of fixed and predictable patterns of thinking and behaving.
As mudita takes root, so we genuinely wish others well. We actually want them to be happy! It makes us feel good. We want them to be free from suffering and to succeed at whatever they do. We recognize that our happiness and their happiness are no different and so we experience a deep joy in their well-being.
Have you ever put someone down in order to feel better? Can you take joy in someone else's success? Do comment below.
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Bishop Gene Robinson: How Religion Is Killing Our Most Vulnerable Youth
I was bullied horribly as a child. No one believes that now as I've developed a much different, more professional presence. I choose to use those experience in working with future teachers to help them understand how to prevent bullying and react when it occurs. It's sad to say that many schools still haven't a clue.
Thanks for the article. It is certainly timely.
Experience is the best teacher!
I was bullied too and it was awful and left a bad taste
it also opens up my ability to feel and understand others who have been through hard times! Ed
At the end of the day the people praising ignorance and ignoring science are putting me, my family, and my planet at risk. No amount of joking is going to make me feel better.
What you say here is spot on:
"The feelings you get when you belittle others is only temporary, the feelings you get when you give goodness lasts a lifetime."
Blessed Be.
I learned years ago through alanon that in order to attain what you want for yourself, you had to project it to others. If I wanted respect, I had to give respect. If I wanted to be loved, I had to love.
The feeling is so much better then making fun of people. It is a heart felt emotion which lasts as long as I continue to feed the need.
Luv ya comment! & what you say here:
"If I wanted respect, I had to give respect. If I wanted to be loved, I had to love."
it's projection!
Celebrities fulfill the void/emptiness in people!
May all people be happy and free from suffering!
Without knowing the term, I've instinctively been practicing Mudita for a long time, silently blessing people, strangers on the street, people in the grocery store, or in their cars speeding along the freeway. It just feels good to extend love!
Personally, I don't understand wanting to inflict pain on others. It doesn't feel good at all. Perhaps to the ego it does, but the spirit knows better. "What goes around, comes around". The one who inflicts hurt ultimately carries that energy and it ends up coming home to roost.
May all beings be free and happy. Love to you both,
Judith
Your very nature is a blessing!
When our lives are about being a mature grown up human being Mudita is natural.
When we hurt others we are in turn causing ourselves pain.
Happily, I worked through it all and now champion any and all no matter my opinion of them if they are on the receiving end of any type of abuse because I learned that my experiences did not make me a bad person.
Quite the contrary in fact. I'm damn fine exactly as I am!
Plus, for me Mudita is easy in many ways because genuinely feel great when someone else succeeds. I can never be at my expense because - this might sound strange to some - but I have never had an ego where work and success was concerned.
Perhaps it's because a career never interested me in any way. I just always just wanted to be, and love and be loved, nothing fancy. And so, while I acknowledged the need to earn money to take care of my needs and I worked hard for it and succeeded beyond my expectations, it never fulfilled my needs.
So I'm still working at it and championing those who can't stand on their own yet (and I'm certainly not a pushover).
Love this article
thanks for sharing your story!
This a key- when you feel the way you say here:
I'm damn fine exactly as I am!
when we love and honor ourselves we can appreciate an take joy in others!
I've never heard of this mudita of which you speak. I know the feeling, but the word is new to me. Today I went to a meeting and in the office of the ma I met with was a playpen with a bag of tiny diapers inside. That made me simile and also made me feel a connection with him. I remember when my kids were brand new babies and what a wonderful feeling being a father was. I think I felt mudita without even knowing it.
As to your question of whether I've put someone down to feel better about myself. Yes. I'd like to say that it only happened in my childhood but that would be a lie. I don't do that anymore and I also don't chastise myself for having done so in the past. It would be pointless.
Thanks for the wonderful post,
little brother
When you are kind, caring & respectful of others..
when you take joy in others happiness
u can't miss .. life will shower u with blessings! :-)) as u feel joy in u r heart
but all the way to the $$$
Now, I know I can be rather vitriolic in my responses, especially when I see "Stupidity at it's finest." But as I put my two cents in? I remind myself that maybe, through a quick prayer, their hearts might change.
So, I pray for them, for myself--and the world we live in.
--RKJ
I hope viewers read your comment!
u r a favorite
I had the same with my parents
most people everywhere in the world could give a hoot what anyone is. As a NYer it goes with the territory!
It must have been difficult - I grew up in the Bronx and was bullied - it was horrible
I was always watching out so as not to run into the guys who who try to push me around.
Now I say:
May they be well May they be happy!
I really love that you are taking on current topics and adding your own spin. I have always been intensely affected by watching violence, or being able to tolerate blatant mean behavior. It makes no sense to me, and I also do not find these things amusing, and wonder why most do. Is it desensitization, or lack of cultivating compassion? Not much time is spent in school teaching Mudita, and if it was, maybe we would lose fewer of our precious youth to depression and suicide as we have so tragically seen this past month.
-Kari
what you say here is very true:
"Not much time is spent in school teaching Mudita, and if it was, maybe we would lose fewer of our precious youth to depression and suicide as we have so tragically seen this past month."
It would be truly beneficial!