Chill Out: Making Friends With Fear

The crane was at the far end of the beach on the island of Rhodes in Greece. Weaving our way through the hundreds of glistening bodies basking on the sand, we could see that it was in fact a bungy jump. 150 feet above us at the waters edge someone was getting ready to take a leap. We watched him dive, then bounce back up and fall again, until finally coming to rest a few feet above the shoreline.

Not for me, I thought, making the excuse that I had just eaten, while simultaneously knowing I was going to do it, that I had to confront my fear in this way.

The Austrian guy in front of me was nervous so I reassured him that all he needed to do was breathe into his heart and he would be fine. He was. He went up and jumped. Then it was my turn and up I went. My knees started shaking, even though inside I was determined to stay steady.

When I stood on the edge of the platform with a large rubber band attached to my ankles, my body simply would not do it. There was no inner programming, nothing in my brain that recognized how to cope with this situation. Every time I tried to jump my body stood still. Nothing connected, I couldn't move. All the fear I had ever known was there in that moment. I was terrified.

I could hear voices on the beach chanting: "Jump! Jump! Jump!" Even the instructor standing beside me was saying, "Now! Edward, jump now!" But I couldn't move. It seemed like an eternity of minutes ticked by. And then something inside me began to soften, loosen and surrender, to let go of resistance, to release the fear, and I dove.

Beneath the fear was an enormous reservoir of joy and I was lifted out of myself. It was awesome! I felt fearless, utterly exhilarated. After that all I wanted to do was jump off bridges and mountain cliffs, to bungy everywhere! I eventually came down to earth but I hold that experience as a special moment of courage.

Sometimes we have to jump into the unknown with our eyes open and without any reference points or familiar signposts. It is daring to step into a new place, to do things we never thought we could do.

Fear has many faces, many disguises. There is fear that is a natural response to physical danger, but there is also fear that is self-created, such as fear of failure, of the dark, of being out of control, of being different, of being lonely, or fear of other people's negativity. We fear being loving for fear we will be rejected, fear giving for we have not forgiven, fear being generous for fear we will not have enough, fear sharing our thoughts or feelings in case we appear wrong or stupid.

Such fears appear real even though they may have no real substance. Look closely and you can see how fear arises when the ego is threatened or undermined, how it makes you cling to the known.

As long as you try to deny or ignore fear it will hold you captive, it will keep you emotionally frozen, unable to move forward. When fear is in control you become fearful of change, of love, of spontaneity, you are unable to appreciate beauty; instead you get angry, defensive, hidden behind self-constructed walls of protection. Fear reinforces separateness and isolation, it creates loneliness and enmity. By identifying with fear you lose touch with who you really are, you forget that beneath the fear is a loving heart.

Trying to run away from or stop fear will simply create resistance and more tension. This is transformed when you have the courage to turn around and face it, get to know it, surrender your defenses, resistances and fixed ideas, to sink into your tender heartedness and vulnerability. By recognizing fear when it arises and just letting it be rather than reacting to it, you reduce its power and enter into fearlessness.

As you feel fear rising, use your breath to keep open: breathe consciously into your heart area while naming fear as fear. Say it softly. Watch what happens to your body as fear tries to take hold. As long as you keep the body open, stay aware and don't forget to breathe, it will be very hard for fear to establish itself.

At the same time, while making friends with fear, let yourself go beneath it to find its source. What is triggering this desire to withdraw, contract, or close down? Keep breathing and being open and naming and watching and going underneath or behind or into the centre of fear to find its source.

There may be sadness, loss, inadequacy, tenderness in your heart. Keep going deeper. And as you do this, fear will begin to move through you without stopping, without landing. You will be able to see it, know it and keep going beyond it.

Remember times you have met fear before and moved through it. So many times when fear arose but you kept going. Fear may close the heart but fearlessness comes out of heartfulness, out of releasing resistance. Fear will stop you from facing your demons and participating fully in life, but fearlessness will give you the courage to jump off the crane into the unknown.

Where fear contracts, love embraces. Love embraces fear, can hold it like the sky holds the rain and wind. Love embraces your weaknesses and in the embracing them they develop into strengths. Love holds fear gently and transforms it into fearlessness. Love is letting go of fear.

Comments

[JacquiDB]

Ed: Your remarks are profoundly comforting in this time of great uncertainty. Keep you wise words coming.

[honestman]

Fear, just the sound of it sends a chill up a spine. The great unknown. It is a very important subject and needs to be discussed and expressed as it can be a meaningful way of releasing a lot of baggage. Thanks HuffPost for presenting articles that touch the pulse of us all. This is one of them. More!

[db1]

thanks for this message. My life is so upside down at the moment its made a big diffeence I really see that behind my fear there is only LOVE
Thank you

[OurLadyofWeightLoss]

Ed, I'm taking in deep, deep breaths and naming my fear. And it dissipates and I move into an ocean of calm. Ahhhhh .. thanks.

[Lizzypie]

Great article and fabulous picture. I am sure this analysis of going through and beyond fear will be very helpful to alot of people. Thanks. Keep it up

[Lizzypie]

Great article (and fabulous picture). Thanks Ed. I am sure your desciption of moving beyond fear will be helpful to many people. Keep it up!

[wm1066]

" Breathing into your heart" I have never heard of that before, I like it, it works.
This morning I had to do something I was afraid to do, and I realized part of it was that it was the first time doing it and that was part of the fear, when I was younger "first time fear" wasn't such a big deal but as I got older it became harder to do things for the first time.
This article was timely for me, thanks.

[JeffBoulder]

Thanks so much for posting such relvant and insigtful material. This article gives me some real support that I can use. I am enjoing Ed's posts, and return to your site daily hoping for more. I thank Ed for his wisdom, and the Huffington Post for the courage to provide such out-of-the-box and inspiring material. Keep more coming. Thanks again.

[JeffBoulder]

After reading this article, I'm so grateful for you including such relevant and expansive material on your site. This article gives me some really practical support that I can use. Please keep more like it coming. I am totally appreciating the perspective that Ed's articles bring and take them to heart. They draw me back to yor site everyday. Thanks so much, to Ed for your wisdom and to the Huffington Post for the courage to post such out-of-the-box perspectives. Thank you again.

[Ruthy]

Loved your blog. I can relate. I had a very deep fear of flying so I didn't.. But, I began to realize that the fear was in my head.. While I was wasting time fearing, everyone around me were busy traveling and having a good time living La Vida Loca. I spokie to myself and overcame my fear and do fly. I still don't really look forward to the fly, just the destination and I do itl..

Too bad I didn't know you then. Keep writing in your humorous, intelligtent and informative way. Would love to see you on T.V..

[yoginilizzi]

I appreciated the wise and gentle support to stay present with fear. I know from my own experience that the gifts on the other side of fear are amazing - Thanks Ed for sharing your experience and insight.

[ken108]

Thanks Ed, continue to be the kind warrior that you are.

[horsewoman]

'feel the fear and do it anyway' a cliche but how right you are when in doing this you find your heart. Taking on abused and difficult horses that frankly I sometimes have been terrified to ride has been a real lesson for me in confronting fear. And in going into the fear and facing it, in particular with an animal that has been abused and mistreated, you can only work with heart. And heart wins every time.

[Geoffrey08]

Breath IS the answer, thank you again for reminding me, no matter how many times I hear it, it still helps to hear it again, our instinct is to hold our breathe when confronted with fear as the body engages its flight or flight reflexes, the muscles are tense and we stop breathing, nothing to fight and nowhere to run we go all squirly inside! Remembering to breathe, magically the tension is gone!

Thank you again Ed - even many thousands of miles away you are right beside me!

[Geoffrey08]

How did you know that I was facing Fear and then publicly writing about it as if it was just for me? Or is that the skill of a great writer? Stepping in to the void with no net, trusting the universe to provide, trusting that the sense of inadequacy is just a trick played by the mind and really has no power!

My instincts have been telling me for sometime to make a radical change in my life, I resisted for such a long time and kept doing what seemed safe, yet it turned out that my instincts were right. But you know its never too late .... so here I sit with your words Ed and look at what has been and what is now and what could be ... a very fertile ground for fear to run in!

The first steps are the most difficult and then isn't it amazing when we look back at the moments when we stood on the precipice gripped with fear, we took the step and then wondered what all the fuss was about!