Learning that Iceland is trying to ban internet porn, TV host Stephen Colbert recently joked that there is now nothing to do in Iceland. Well, for the sex-starved residents of the wind-scarred island located in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean, here are 10 alternatives to Internet porn once wanking in front of your computer screen is forbidden.
- Step out into the Reykjavik nightlife and get your buzz on at Kaffibarinn. After a few beers, vodka & Red Bulls and shots of Brennivín you'll have the requisite liquid courage to chat up the Nordic beauties frequenting Reykjavik's hippest pub.
- Eat rams' testicles. It's not the same thing, but with enough vodka they taste like chicken.
- Just about every Icelander is also a filmmaker. So enroll at The Reykjavik Film Academy, and after the six-week session you can make your own porno.
- Head to a strip bar. Wait. Iceland's Prime Minister Jóhanna Sigurdardóttir already banned gentlemen's clubs.
- Listen to the cult band Sigur Rós. Halfway through one of the melodic band's glacially slow albums, your sex-drive will cease, and you'll fall asleep like a baby.
- Read all 13 crime novels by Arnaldur Indridason.
- Attempt to learn Icelandic. After 20 minutes of studying Icelandic grammar you'll have a headache and no longer be in the mood for sex.
- Sign up to sail with Kristján Loftsson on his whaling fleet Hvalur. A day spent at sea hunting minke whales for "scientific purposes" will so gross you out you'll never want to have intercourse again.
- Eat out at Thrir Frakkar where you can dine on minke whale served by the popular fish restaurant for "scientific purposes."
- Become a sheep farmer. In Iceland, sheep outnumber people. You do the math.
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