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Edward Murray
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Entries by Edward Murray

When Video Games Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Funs

(1) Comments | Posted February 7, 2013 | 2:48 PM

In the wake of the Sandy Hook massacre, the National Rifle Association was quick to point a cold, dead finger at "a callous corrupt and disgusting shadow industry... vicious violent video games" as the driver behind this horrific act. A few politicians then joined the chorus of simplifying dunces, thus...

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Dear Employees, Don't Vote for Obama... I Mean It

(3) Comments | Posted October 31, 2012 | 2:15 PM

Dear Employees,

In light of the upcoming election, I would like to take this opportunity as your employer to inform you, my beloved workers, what will happen if you vote for Barack Obama:

You will die.

Of course, as your employer, I can't tell you who to vote for, but...

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Obama Creating Unemployment Creators

(51) Comments | Posted October 11, 2012 | 6:29 PM

Timeshare magnate David Siegel recently sent a letter to his 7,000 Westgate Resorts employees telling them that if Obama is elected, he will have to fire some of them. Apparently, the munificent Siegel would have no choice but to lay off his workers while he continues...

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My Rejected NPR Memoir

(0) Comments | Posted June 11, 2012 | 12:11 PM

My younger brother Denny and I fought constantly growing up. Denny was smart, athletic and always got what he wanted... At least that's how it seemed. I guess it's normal to feel that way about your own brother; especially if he's a total ass hat.

The summer before we started...

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Virginia Foxx: First Woman to Ever Pay for College

(34) Comments | Posted April 19, 2012 | 4:23 PM

Congresswoman Virginia Foxx is the chairwoman of the Higher Education & Workforce Training Subcommittee. So she's well-versed on the complicated issue of the current student loan bubble, correct? Actually, no. It turns out that Virginia Foxx knows about as much about the specifics behind the student loan crisis as Red...

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Mitt Romney Is People

(6) Comments | Posted January 15, 2012 | 5:13 PM

Hey, Mitt Romney here. I recently spoke with some residents from the publicly-owned state of Iowa and explained to these individual corporations of voters that "corporations make money... everything corporations earn ultimately goes to people," which therefore means that "corporations are people." Now I'll be the first to...

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The GOPs Must Be Crazy

(52) Comments | Posted January 13, 2012 | 11:31 AM

There are crazy people in the world, and many of them are in politics. In the past few weeks, we have had the opportunity to view the traveling insane asylum that is the clash of blundering campaigns for the next GOP Presidential nomination. It's imperative to draw attention to the...

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Nobody Hates the Rich... But Everyone Hates the Bad

(49) Comments | Posted January 4, 2012 | 11:44 AM

It seems that those nestled snugly in the crack of our nation's ultra-wealthy are confused about why they seem to be unpopular in the media. Many are now publicly expressing their support of the financial-legislative complex, but still wondering why thousands of people all across the country are identifying with...

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Occupy Vancouver Picks Up the Tab

(8) Comments | Posted December 22, 2011 | 10:38 AM

The media's latest attempt to undercut the message of Occupy movements all across the globe is by touting the "cost" of these protests. Many sources are reporting that Occupy movements are costing cities hundreds of thousands of dollars in police overtime because apparently it takes an entire precinct...

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5 Ways You Can Occupy Wall Street

(15) Comments | Posted December 15, 2011 | 11:49 AM

Thousands of people across the world are actively maintaining the front line of the Occupy movement; this article is not for those people. Those protestors are currently engrossed in alchemizing pepper spray salves out of Maalox and moxie. This article is for those who don't consider themselves to be politically...

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Why We Are the 53% Fits Into We Are the 99%... Besides the Math

(20) Comments | Posted October 17, 2011 | 7:04 PM

Erick Erickson, a man who would have you believe that he is just your typical, fed-up American, put together a website called We Are the 53% in response to the We Are the 99% and Occupy Wall Street movements. We Are the 53% refers to the 47% of American entities...

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Occupy Wall Street May Be Too Big to Fail

(47) Comments | Posted October 11, 2011 | 4:07 PM

It's not just Occupy Wall Street anymore.

According to occupytogether.org, there are Occupy events currently running or planned for the month of October in over 1400 cities across the globe, and in approximately 400 cities in 48 states across America. This is proof that Occupy Wall...

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The Hidden Power of Occupy Wall Street

(235) Comments | Posted October 3, 2011 | 4:09 PM

The thousands of individuals currently inhabiting Liberty Square for the Occupy Wall Street protest have succeeded in garnering enough attention to force the following question upon our nation: "What exactly are they doing?" Those protesting would probably have a tough time agreeing on a well-made, media-friendly, singular objective; and therein,...

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NFL Lockout to Be Decided by Billion-Dollar Coin Flip

(0) Comments | Posted July 20, 2011 | 12:07 PM

The NFL lockout continues as the season approaches, and it appears that agreeing to the labor deal will come down to a billion-dollar coin toss. The owners call "Heads."

Under intense security, the commemorative coin will be tossed by Judge Arthur J. Boylan. Boylan stated that he is excited to...

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Dear Republicans, Your Media Is Making You Crazy

(14) Comments | Posted February 23, 2011 | 11:21 AM

Republicans, we need you to come back from the brink of insanity. If the political divisions in this country continue to deepen throughout the 21st century, external forces are going to, quite simply, hand us our butts on a stick. And the one thing all Americans can agree on is...

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Iowa GOP Members Think That -- Actually, No They Don't

(1) Comments | Posted February 22, 2011 | 11:03 AM

Republican caucus voters from Iowa were recently given the opportunity to respond to Bill O'Reilly's recent interview with President Obama. Frank Luntz of Fox News mediated a forum that offered these GOP members the perfect chance to show the world that they are open-minded, informed voters who use...

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A Grammy Award Finally Speaks Out Against Musicians

(7) Comments | Posted February 18, 2011 | 2:13 PM

Let me say this: I do not appreciate all of this musician crap.

Look, I know that a lot of you don't consider me to be a legitimate industry award, but the Grammys are about music, not legitimate art, OK? If you're some sort of high-brow elitist who only listens...

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The $200 Million Hive Mind of Bachmann, Beck, Rush, and Imus

(42) Comments | Posted November 10, 2010 | 5:30 PM

President Obama's recent visit to India was a symbolic gesture to cultivate an atmosphere of goodwill as well as to celebrate the announcement of business deals that will create over 50,000 American jobs. However, Obama's tour to solidify quality relations with what could become America's closest financial and industrial ally...

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Hey Keith, I'm Hiring

(27) Comments | Posted November 7, 2010 | 1:05 AM

Keith Olbermann was recently suspended from his position at MSNBC when network president Phil Griffin discovered that Olbermann made donations to three campaigns in last week's mid-term bloodbath.

It's truly stunning how ineffectual MSNBC is as a poster child for the manufactured boogeyman that conservatives call The Liberal Media...

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Other Things That Glenn Beck Has Never Seen

(246) Comments | Posted October 22, 2010 | 2:39 PM

Glenn Beck recently said that Darwin's theory of evolution is "ridiculous." He backed-up his statement with the evidentiary claim, "I haven't seen a half-monkey, half-person yet."

Let's pretend that Beck has actually read On the Origin of Species and that he still doesn't understand that evolution of...

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