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Edward Murray

Edward Murray

Posted: April 20, 2010 12:58 PM

July 4, 1776: The Birth of Socialism in America

What's Your Reaction:

America, let's cut through the crap; The Declaration of Independence is a socialist document that makes a mockery of the values of our forefathers. The men and other men who discovered the United States of America would be absolutely disgusted with the state of our country today, and The Declaration of Independence is to blame.

Let's take a small peek at this socialist manifesto, shall we? On page 2 of this seditious document, right next to the pop-up diorama of Crispus Attacks crumpling to the ground, it states that "...all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Well, you don't have to be a Palin to realize that "all men are created equal" sure sounds a lot like 'people deserve equal treatment in the eyes of the government.' And if THAT isn't socialism, my friends, then I don't know what socialism is (nor could I give you an accurate definition of it.)

Take a look at the facts: Our country has had a long history of waging war against socialism. In the Native American times, socialism was known as 'indigenous peoples.' Sadly, we lost that fight, and had to cede much of our land for casinos with exorbitant parking fees. During the Industrial Revolution, socialism came in the form of working "children" who prematurely terminated an era of innovation pioneered by some of America's most talented labor exploiters all over the loss of a few limbs. And now, we face the demon of socialism yet again in the form of health care and a black President.

The only way to finish this conflict once and for all is by going straight to the source, and exercising our second amendment right to take up arms against The Declaration of Independence.

Let's keep cutting through the crap. Crap was meant to be cut through, not just with words, but also with your mouth. Here's the deal: Our national values are being ruined, our economy is moving from capitalism to socialism, our government is moving from a privileged oligarchy to a socialism czardom, and our President is absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, socialastic.

The liberals are trying to distract the American public with myths like global warming and affordable health care because they're trying to divert the focus away from their secret little document that has been fueling the rise of socialflazm since the day this country escaped being aborted.

We need to make it known that this time we will not lose the fight against socialism. Liberals may have successfully forced OSHA compliance and women's suffrage down our throats, but in the name of our founding fathers, The United States of America will win this battle against The Declaration of Independence!

We must stop this socialjism steamroller from spewing its utopian seed all over our American faces. Quite simply, my friends, if we don't act now and come together to defeat this threat to our way of life, then The Declaration of Independence has already won.

 

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EndRacismNow
Vielfalt Uber Alles
01:10 PM on 04/22/2010
Equal rights is not exclusive to socialism. This is a ridiculous article. So the founding principles of limited government and individual liberties is socialism? Please stop pouring this communist nonsense into people's heads. Socialism is about more authority to the state and collective rights. Those basic principles are the opposite of what the founders envisioned.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Edward Murray
McSweeney's, Daily Kos, The 4-Hour Workweek
06:33 PM on 04/22/2010
Yes, you would say that, EndRacismNow, because you are taking on the daunting task of eradicating racism at this exact moment... Which we all know is socialist. (Two quick points, next time you leave a comment, you might want to actually READ the piece, and secondly... oh, nevermind, you probably bailed out by now...)
08:15 PM on 04/22/2010
Dear ERN,

Equal rights is wholly exclusive to socialism. My professor at Harvard (sorry to drop the "H-bomb" but I had to do it) clearly outlined the philosophies of government structures and socialism was the only one with "equal rights in the "pro" column.

I don't know what school you went to, but I went to Harvard, so. boom, end of debate!
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Edward Murray
McSweeney's, Daily Kos, The 4-Hour Workweek
12:40 PM on 04/23/2010
@GBS If everyone used EQUAL, then we would clearly be socialist and less obese. While studying Pre-Byzantine Film Theory at Tampa Community College, I learned that the Constitution guarantees the right to consume all kinds of sweeteners, and although I may not agree with your choice of artificial sweeteners, I will fight to defend your choice... well, I'll think about it, at least. I'm not much when it comes to fisticuffs.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
DevonTexas
Eternal Optimism
10:45 AM on 04/22/2010
Well done!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
David Durham
Just a guy who tries to stay informed and stand fo
09:02 AM on 04/22/2010
According to a Texas text book I recently read the operative words here are 'all men', which at the time meant 'white men' since black men were not men in a strict sense. The Supreme Court would clear this up in a few years ruling that black men were only 3/5 man, 2/5 . . . well, they never really said what the other 2/5 was. Anyway, this clearly indicates that Socialism should only be applied to white male landowners with a nice plausible deniability clause in the form of voicing hatred for Socialism while enjoying all its benefits. So we don't really need to chuck the Declaration of Independence, we just need to selectively apply it.
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LMPE
I connect the most dissimilar things
09:15 PM on 04/21/2010
Mwah ha ha ha ha!
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Edward Murray
McSweeney's, Daily Kos, The 4-Hour Workweek
06:35 PM on 04/22/2010
As for DT, DD, and LMPE, I love you all. Very, very deeply.