03/11/2008 01:15 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

It's 3:00am and Somewhere in Washington a Democrat is Sleeping With a Hooker

Oh Eliot.

On a positive note, it's nice to know that there's a big time Democrat out there still having sex. My wife just had a baby so I've forgotten what sex is all together. I'm told I may get some more sex sometime just before my children can drive themselves to school. So, at this point I'm living vicariously through the sexual liaisons of others. Consequentially, for me -- in an admittedly selfish way -- Eliot Spitzer is doing yeoman's work. I'm waiting in anticipation for the next scandal to break. I'm free all week. I'll bring the wine.

And here we Democrats were, riding high with the knowledge that -- for the time being -- we still held the moral high ground when it comes to recent political sex scandals. After all, it's hard as hell (no pun intended) to knock Larry Craig from the top spot. Still, here's how I see the match up between the two of them as it stands today:

• In Governor Spitzer's favor, he did go to the trouble of using an actual hotel room for his dalliance. Public restrooms are so... what's the phrase I'm looking for? Full of poop. One has to give the first point to Spitzer.
• Senator Craig definitely wins the race for the most bizarre incident of the year. After all, there are a lot of folks who've invited an escort to their hotel room. (No, of course not YOU. You're perfect. I'm talking about the other guy reading this post, you know...that odd looking fella from accounting. He sure gives off the hooker enthusiast kind of vibe, no?) Advantage Craig.
• The numbers have got to be thinner when it comes to the ol' tappity tap in an airport men's room. I'm as sexually demented as the next guy and I'd never have thought of that one. It's got nothing to do with being straight either. If the airport bathrooms in Minneapolis were all coed, I'd be too ashamed to pass gas in there much less hit on the woman in the stall next to mine. I'm too insecure to talk to women outside of the bathroom. But in the stall? Are you nuts? I'd rather be a monk. Two points to Senator Craig for bravery.
• Larry Craig is a Senator from Idaho. There are like twelve people that actually live there. Granted this is big news, even in Idaho. But come on, it's Idaho. This too shall pass.
• Eliot Spitzer is the Governor of New York...NEW YORK. The blow back (again, no pun intended) on him will never end. And, with all the friends he's made on Wall Street over the years...good luck waiting for this one to simply fade away. This year on Wall Street, Christmas came early. (Stop that! You have a dirty mind).
• For both men's wives, the shame is the same. They are both innocent victims and I feel for the two of them. There is nothing funny about having to stand by your man while he makes one of those awful statements to the press. Oy. The horror.
• Time will tell if Spitzer actually comes right out and says what he did. Yesterday's brief statement he made from his office wasn't exactly a full disclosure. Still, it seem Client # 9 isn't trying to deny anything either. If you've read those text message transcripts, it's hard to imagine him trying to say it wasn't what it appears to be. He may want to consider calling the police to report a lost cell phone in Washington, DC on February 13th. He could say he's just been really busy running the state of New York and hadn't had time to report the incident until today. Is it too late for that?
• Senator Craig came up with the brilliant "wide stance" defense. I for one feel compelled to give him credit for this if only for the sheer audacity of the argument. To quote Richard Pryor, "Are you going to believe me, or your lying eyes?" Since the Craig scandal broke, no matter what trouble I get into with my wife (eating all the ice cream, forgetting trash day, not helping out with the kids, snoring like an elephant, my overall slothfulness), I try to use the "wide stance" defense. I've got to tell you, it's highly overrated. Use it at your peril. I strongly believe Senator Craig has cornered the market on this one and ruined it for the rest of us. Point to Spitzer.

Overall I'd say it far too early to tell which scandal will end up winning the battle for media dominance. Nonetheless, I wait in anticipation for the Clinton's to tie this whole thing in with Obama's lack of foreign policy experience.

It's 3:00am and somewhere in Washington, DC a Democrat is sleeping with a hooker....