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El Guapo
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El Guapo received his Ph.D. in Pendejadas through the mail – along with a cool decoder ring. He was also unanimously elected Latino spokesperson (succeeding Edward James Olmos after the Great Chimichanga Fiasco of 2009) and is reader of several New York Times Bestsellers. He is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinverguenza.

Follow this handsome, wise, masked man on Twitter, Facebook and seek more brilliance at The Daily Refried, home of El Guapo.

e-mail: elguapo@thedailyrefried.com

Entries by El Guapo

In Response to Outrage, SNL Hires Three Latina Craft Service Employees

(2) Comments | Posted January 13, 2014 | 6:55 PM

After receiving recent criticism for its historic lack of racial and ethnic diversity, Saturday Night Live added its first black female cast member since 2007. But as is the case with things like this, this has resulted in other underrepresented demographic groups pouting and complaining vociferously about being left out.

...
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In Ultimate Mind Pluck, Obama Pardons One Turkey, Only to Carve Up Friend and Eat Him

(1) Comments | Posted November 27, 2013 | 10:06 PM

It's an American tradition. Every year the standing U.S. president pardons a turkey, saving it from the delicious fate that befalls so many birds on Thanksgiving Day.

Of course, the White House kitchen still cooks up a traditional turkey for the first family. So what gives?

Our resident Daily Refried...

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Barney's Announces It Will Not Participate in Black Friday, Black Monday, or Black Anything for That Matter

(0) Comments | Posted November 27, 2013 | 3:01 PM

Heading into the holiday season, high-end retailer Barney's is still licking its wounds and trying to repair its image after several recent high-profile accusations of racial profiling. On April 29 of this year, a 19-year-old college student was stopped by undercover NYPD officers after having left Barney's. They believed he could...

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After LAX Shooting, Young White Males Fear Racial Profiling

(1) Comments | Posted November 6, 2013 | 10:54 AM

After the tragedy at LAX, Chip Donaldson Jr. fears what may come next. "Look, I'm just saying, I can see how there might be a national knee-jerk reaction considering that a disproportionate number of these senseless mass shootings are committed by young white guys, but I just don't think it's...

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Hispanic Heritage Month Dream: That Lambada No Longer Be The Forbidden Dance

(1) Comments | Posted September 25, 2013 | 6:04 PM

Like Martin Luther King, El Guapo has a dream, one that becomes particularly poignant each year around this time, a time when the jalapenos flow like the wild Rio Grande and the Corona company urges us to drink our way to cultural nirvana. As we each celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month...

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Heavy Is the Head That Wears the Doritos Sombrero

(0) Comments | Posted September 18, 2013 | 8:49 AM

Rejoice, for it is here.

Boxing matches and beer commercials have indeed marked the start of Hispanic Heritage Month. Everywhere chips and guac are sprinkled generously over festivities. Inflatable cactuses dot the American landscape. TV commercials for McDonald's begin to feature ethnically ambiguous families with black hair. Christina Aguilera...

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Syrians, Egyptians Begin Twerking to Get Americans' Attention

(8) Comments | Posted August 29, 2013 | 4:07 PM

The inevitability of a U.S. military strike in Syria continues to gain momentum after allegations that Syria's President Bashar Al-Assad used chemical weapons against civilians.

After a recent military coup, several brutal mass killings of Egyptian civilians have left the country in a terribly fractured and tumultuous...

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Ted Cruz, Go Home, Please, Go Home, Dude, Go Home, Please

(1) Comments | Posted August 26, 2013 | 1:17 PM

Everyone's favorite Canadian cowboy, Ted Cruz, is thinking about renouncing his Canadian citizenship. Cruz was born to an American mother in Canada -- making him a dual U.S./Canadian citizen. He recently released his birth certificate with speculation swirling that this is a calculated move to set the stage for a...

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Chicago Fighting to Use Unmanned Drones To Target Poor Kids

(6) Comments | Posted August 20, 2013 | 4:12 PM

160 schools in Chicago do not have a school library.

The nation's third largest school district has also been in the news lately for the controversial decision to close 50 public schools.

Homicide rates in Chicago -- particularly in certain pockets of the city --...

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El Guapo's 3 Essential, Simple Tips for Having a Successful School Year

(1) Comments | Posted August 15, 2013 | 4:55 PM

Pencils are sharpened.

Notebooks are packed neatly into school bags.

Teachers are adorning walls with welcoming posters.

In the grade schools, the smells of newly waxed floors and disinfectant in the hall has yet to be fully conquered by the wafting pungent urine-hammer floating out of the 1st grade boys...

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Congress Thrilled: 'We Have an Approval Rating Better Than Ariel Castro'

(2) Comments | Posted August 7, 2013 | 2:43 PM

Early Thursday afternoon, convicted kidnapper, murderer and rapist Ariel Castro was sentenced to life in prison plus 1,000 years for his heinous crimes against three Cleveland women. The judge in the case called Castro a "violent sexual predator" and normal people everywhere again became simultaneously enraged and nauseous as they...

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Rick Perry's Big Announcement: Moving From Velcro to Regular Laces

(0) Comments | Posted July 10, 2013 | 3:53 PM

After teasing everyone for the past week about an upcoming massive announcement, today Texas Governor, Rick Perry, surprised all of Texas when he proclaimed proudly, boyishly that he will be leaving behind his patented, beloved Velcro wingtips and moving on to regular shoes with regular shoelaces.

Sources close...

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Fertile, Plotting, Smirking Latinos Dethrone Whites as California Majority

(0) Comments | Posted July 3, 2013 | 2:08 PM

It may be too late. You knew there was trouble brewing when salsa surpassed ketchup as America's favorite condiment.  When small children everywhere began barking Spanish at the unsupervised brown cartoon girl on TV who wandered around with various ne'er-do-wells and thieves it was unsettling.  But now... we...

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Antonin Scalia: 'I Thought Grindr Was an App for Coffee Aficionados'

(4) Comments | Posted June 30, 2013 | 11:15 AM

Antonin Scalia, conservative Supreme Court justice and vehement opponent of gay rights, recently stumbled into what many are categorizing as an "awkward situation" when he found himself -- unknowingly, according to him -- in the middle of Chicago's Pride Parade.

Scalia told The Daily Refried that he is new...

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Devious Maids Spin-Off, Treacherous Dishwashers, Airing on NBC This Fall

(2) Comments | Posted June 24, 2013 | 2:05 PM

Devious Maids, a new Lifetime series created by Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry and former Housewives star Eva Longoria, centers around a group of Latina maids working in Beverly Hills. Even before it premiered last night, the show had its fair share of critics bemoaning the fact that, in their...

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Fox News Hires Paula Deen to Host Plantation-Themed Morning Show

(9) Comments | Posted June 21, 2013 | 12:37 PM

In a press release yesterday, Fox News confirmed that they will be introducing a new plantation-themed morning show hosted by former Food Network star, NAACP award recipient and plantation enthusiast Paula Deen. While the network is keeping a tight lid on the details, top executives who requested they not be...

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Americans on NSA Surveillance: 'Love it. Makes Me Feel Like a Kardashian'

(1) Comments | Posted June 11, 2013 | 12:40 PM

Depending on whom you ask, the government's surveillance program is either a massive violation of fundamental privacy -- an encroachment on civil liberties echoing the dystopian world forewarned in Orwell's 1984 -- or, as the majority of Americans see it, 'Meh. Whatevs."

The Daily Refried staff hit the...

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After Scandal, Whole Foods Fears It May Lose All 8 Latino Shoppers in the U.S.

(0) Comments | Posted June 10, 2013 | 5:20 AM

Whole Foods is in the middle of a rather significant public relations debacle, after allegations that two employees in an Albuquerque, N.M., store were disciplined for speaking Spanish on the job.

A source close to the health food behemoth says that high ranking individuals within the organization fear...

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Must-Have Cinco de Mayo Accessory: A Real-Life Mexican

(1) Comments | Posted May 2, 2013 | 11:18 AM

URGENT: Please share this with your non-Latino friends before they have a disastrous Cinco de Mayo.

Mexicans and Mexican Americans (and, in desperate times anyone from Central and South America) are a welcome (some would argue necessary) guest/accessory at most Cinco de Mayo festivities. If you manage to cajole a...

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Caucasians Fear Racial Profiling After Boston Bombings, Refuse to Leave Whole Foods

(2) Comments | Posted April 25, 2013 | 2:10 PM

After learning that the two Boston bombers were Caucasian (as in from Russia's actual Caucasus region -- which makes them Caucasian squared), Tanner Cooper, 26, and every other shopper at the North Dayton Whole Foods barricaded themselves in the Organic, Artesian, Gluten-Free Bread department and refused to leave the store....

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