Denis Leary, Neither Stupid nor Lazy

Dear Mr. Leary,

I will not read your book. Nor will I excuse your rude, insulting, belittling comments about autism. As the founder of The Miracle Project, portrayed in the Emmy Award winning documentary, Autism: The Musical, and as the mother of a child with autism, I am appalled by the insensitivity of your comments. There are so many children whose families deal with school systems, legal systems not to mention family members who ignorantly blame bad parenting for reasons kids "can't compete academically."

Mr. Leary, autism is a neurological disorder that impacts the brain's ability to process information the same way that you or I may do. The outward appearance may be "stupid" or "lazy," but I wonder how would you appear if your brain was constantly overwhelmed with sensory stimulus and people were calling YOU stupid and lazy!!

The fact that you actually have dear friends who have a child with autism to me only deepens the wounds that you have inflicted. Surely you have witnessed their struggles, their worries for their child's future, and their pain. Surely as a friend, you can empathize with what they are going through. You are such a gifted, talented actor, why would you find the need to accost the most vulnerable of our society to sell books?

I truly do not understand. Not because I am stupid or lazy, but because I chose to live with an open head and heart. I can't imagine choosing to judge a child or a parent in such a fashion. I chose to live my life in Miracle Minded fashion, thereby asking only how my life and work can be of benefit to my friends, neighbors, and others whose life I can affect.

Today, when I read the following that the "bulk of your chapter deals with men who are either self diagnosing themselves to explain their failed careers and troublesome progeny..." is equally as offensive.

In touring the country in film festivals showing Autism: The Musical, I met many many adults who in their 40's and 50's were finally diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a form of High Functioning Autism. Many of these adults had been previously diagnosed with psychosis, depression, could not maintain jobs or relationships and some who had been suicidal, Upon learning about their diagnoses, many from reading the excellent books written by autism expert Stephen Shore their entire lives were changed. By understanding and "self diagnosing" and viewing themselves through the prism of autism, they were able to finally feel part of this world.

I implore you, Mr. Leary. to watch the film, Autism:the Musical. I Especially the scene when, my student, Wyatt Isaacs parents visit an attorney who informs them that their son (who is a brilliant, sensitive, extraordinary soul) is deemed to have low cognitive ability -- or in your words to be "moronic." As a parent yourself, Denis, please feel that moment.

If you wish to sell books, Mr. Leary, please find humorous ways to enjoy people who are different ... like you... like me... like all of us.

There is enough criticism, negativity, and insensitivity in this world than to add one more item to our book shelves. The choice to be Miracle Minded is just that... a choice, and one that would increase the quality of your life and those whose lives you can affect by means of your celebrity.

Respectfully written by

Elaine Hall
Coach E
Founder/Director The Miracle Project
www.themiracleproject.com

 

 

 

Follow Elaine Hall on Twitter: www.twitter.com/COACHE

Comments

[SAjones]

02:23 PM on 10/21/2008

Thanks for your letter, Elaine,

I have so many times watched my nephew Dov in a group, where he is not included, with my heart aching. I have seen how Dov appears on the outside --remote and detached, knowing inside how desperatel­y he wants to connect with others. I have experience­d firsthand how socially 'inappropr­iate' his behaviors are, knowing the bright, sensitive boy hidden inside. I cried myself, and witnessed the desperatio­n and sorrow of my sister and brother-in­-law, hoping against hope that their son did NOT have autism. What friend, what family, what parent would welcome such a diagnosis, knowing what autism, especially profound autism entails?

Anyone blaming a child's behavior on autism, would only have to spend a day with Dov or your son Neal, to see that it is a profound disorder, not something to handily excuse misbehavio­r on the part of a child --or an adult.

Maybe we could invite Mr. Leary to spend a day with Dov and Neal. Who knows, besides opening his mind, it might also open his heart...

Sarah Armstrong Jones
(Dov's Aunt)

[DebraClark]

08:35 PM on 10/18/2008

"Stupid is as stupid does." Forrest Gump could not have said it better. One should always consider the source of such comments like Denis Leary's. I had always loved his comedy routines..­. he had genuinely seemed like a loving parent when he shared his stories about his hyperactiv­e children..­. (he compared his kids to rodeo clowns jumping out of a miniature car).... it was funny, and he said it with love. Humor is fine, but it must be done with love and not in a derogatory fashion. So when he lashed out with obscene comments at our innocent little children, I was shocked. I agree with Elaine. She did a great job in speaking from the heart of so many parents with autistic kids. As a mom with 2 autistic sons, Denis literally pierced my heart and soul with his words. They hurt. We go through such hell for our kids to get them services at school and through the Regional Center. God has chosen us to be the best advocates for our kids. And it's not an easy journey. I wish Denis could spend an hour or a day with us parents and tell us these remarks to our faces. Would he be so inclined to say such horrible things? I think Denis needs a serious education about autism.... and it scares me too... that celebritie­s of his calibre who are well adversed in the headlines of today does not know that much about autism. God help him.

[carpediemgal7]

12:27 PM on 10/17/2008

Mr. Leary' s insensitiv­ity is hard to excuse, even as he excuses himself. Comedy is born of pain, but must it cause pain? As the parent of an Autistic child, I have often found refuge in gallow's humor, but never at the expense of my child, or his suffering. I do hope that Mr. Leary will watch AUTISM: THE MUSICAL, and the scene Elaine recommends­. It might not only grow his heart, but help to heal it.

[dagdavid]

03:49 PM on 10/16/2008

How can you be so offended if you have not even read the book? Denis Leary clearly explained both his feelings about autism and his humor that fairly represents a number of parents out there. My wife teaches daycare and whenever a child misbehaves or throws a tantrum the parents cry Asperger's Syndrome, even thought their child may not have been officially diagnosed. Many times these children, (NOT THE AUTISTIC CHILDREN BUT THE BRATS!) are victims of absentee parents. If you want people to be understand­ing concerning autism, then shouldn't you look before you leap concerning other issues.

[Naomisalamon]

01:15 PM on 10/17/2008

Of course people are offended! Denis Leary has built his career as a great talent for which I have immense respect however there is no room here for tolerance for what his book states. The language and subsequent message in the contravers­ial chapter is incredibly irresponsi­ble, damaging and in a nutshell completely false..not matter the context.

And to Dagdavid, please don't judge a child. Until you are a doctor yourself who has examined the child, do not diagnose. Autism and other special needs are sometimes difficult to diagnose and recognize. What message are we sending our children if we are quick to judge something we know nothing about.

It's such a shame that Mr. Leary is choosing to ridicule such an amazing group of people. I applaud Elaine's response. I am sending hopeful good vibes to Mr. Leary in hopes that his heart opens up to what he has done and take responsibi­lity. If not, it is truly his loss.

I have experience working with children with autism and they continue to move and inspire me everyday. Not to mention their parents. I am so grateful to be in a place where I can be open and honored and be moved by such an amazing people.

And lastly, I'd love to invite Mr. Leary to one of the Miracle classes and let him really experience the gifts these children give...tho­ugh he's not worthy of it right now....

[dagdavid]

06:46 PM on 10/18/2008

It is not me diagnosing the children I speak of. It is not doctors diagnosing the children I speak of. It is parents diagnosing the children I speak of. Just as Elaine Hall responded to Leary without reading his book, you have responded to me without reading my posting.