"Attorney General Alberto Gonzales takes on the role of the greatest double talking comedian in history- a blathering smokescreen of a performance!"
"Sid Caesar, famous for his ability to spout jibberish in any dialect and sound as if he is actually speaking that language, is given a tour de force portrayal by Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez. Don't miss it! Must resign soon!"
"The jury is in, and it's a tribunal!! Verdict: Guilty!! Of mayhem and mischief in the first degree! Oh you naughty boy!!!"
FROM THE SHOW: "I don't remember having that conversation which I didn't have or remember having. During the process I can't recall if I remember if I was involved in deliberations I may have been involved in that I was not present at to the best of my recollection. I oversaw it. I had nothing to do with it. But to the best of my remembrance in which I was not really paying attention I wasn't party to the deliberations as to whether U.S. attorneys with excellent performance evaluations should or should not be asked to resign due to poor performance evaluations, at the pleasure of the president".
"I couldn't have asked for better."
"And people say I talk funny!"
"Don't miss the "Kinda Torture is Sorta Okay" bit where the Geneva Conventions are applied to the first three rows of the theater but not the rest - a waterboard, er, watershed moment! Destined to become a classic!"
"No enemy combatant left unturned. It will blow your mind!"
"Habeas corpus is suspended as the bits come fast and furious in this farce! You won't need a warrant to search for laughs!!
--Justice Department Daily
"Not since Hal Holbrook brought us Mark Twain has a character been so embodied by a performer. Legal precedent breaks loose and takes a wild ride right out the door! Be there before it's all gone!
A catchphrase is born! "I don't remember" uttered 71 times will outlive Rodney Dangerfield's "I don't get no respect"!!
"I did not watch the show. But I loved it."
--George W. Bush
Special Appearance in the Senate Hearing Room. Special Pat Robertson Regent University group discounts. Tell your friends (but nobody else!) Ticket prices range from a soul to a pound of flesh. All tax cuts included. Service charge of three extra months. Produced by Rove Entertainment. Written by Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, and Dennis Miller. Choreographed by the RNC. Costumes by Wolf In Sheep's Clothing. Entire production conceived by George W. Bush. Sorry, we can no longer accept orders by email, they seem to keep getting deleted.
Follow Elayne Boosler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ElayneBoosler