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Elayne Boosler Headshot

Costco Protects Palin From Tomatoes by Taking Them Off Shelves

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LOVE IT!! She and the NRA insist guns be sold, though they're murderous, even when the president is visiting. But they're fine with tomato disarmament for a book signing. Tomatoes don't kill people, smart readers kill people. Well you can pull my ripe juicy produce out of my cold dead dishpan hands. You'll never get my tomatoes. I'm forming the National Tomato Association. And if tomatoes are sold as unregulated as guns are, soon they'll be killing more people than guns. Coward. If we have to walk the world knowing she and her kind have insured that we can be shot at any moment, then this hypocrite can face tomatoes.

Mike Moore: I didn't think her set was that bad.

Elayne Boosler: You were drunk. The constitution gives the people the right to have a well- regulated vegetable garden.

Ken Volok: Freedom of Vegetation.

Mike Moore: I'm warming up in the bullpen.

Ken Volok: In lieu of tomatoes, shoppers would have to throw heavier items.

Beth Ferris: And yet they left the mousse completely unprotected.

Craig Noorlun: What about the coconuts?

Beth Ferris: They should throw Baked Alaska.

Alan McClintock: HEY! It's liberal commies like you who want to take away our tomatoes! Sure, now it's no big deal, you just walk into a supermarket & by some. Next, there will be restrictions on buying tomatoes. Over 18...Then over 21...Then they'll be doing background checks! Just because I pie-d Anita Bryant in the '70's, THAT little incident is back to haunt me? Is that what you're saying? Huh? Then what? Kumquats? Endive? Macaroni salad? I'm going to need a commie passport just to pink up some bolonga? Baloney! I don't think so, fascist socialist Marxist freedom taking democrat gay married college boy!

You'll only take my Teabag when it's dried on a saucer, next to a spoon! These colors don't run! God bless America! Fuck the rest!

Victor Del Mar: 3 words...Hines Ketchup Balloons!

Paul Seaburn: No raw tomatoes? I've got three words: Yes we "can"!

James Tall Who knew hiding the tomotoes would produce such an outcry?

Elayne Boosler: She's more averse to hiding the pickle. Well, not hiding it. Just knowing how it works.

Suze Allen Brown: Tomato, tomahto. Let's call the whole thing off.

Sherman Alpert: Ironic. They protected her from being in a red state.

Jan Fouroneone: Most people sign their books in a BOOK store, not a grocery store... read much?

Elayne Boosler: Next they'll be demanding tomato marriage.

Hue Ha: Throw baby throw. Costco stocked the tomato shelves with cartons of eggs

Mike Sims: Tomatoes kill people I saw it an old movie.

Elayne Boosler: If Charlton Heston were alive today we'd be marching down Pennsylvania Avenue behind the great man himself, produce held proudly above our heads, yelling "Slippery slope!!! Slippery slope!!" "Happiness is a Warm Tomato!!" And what about trying to regulate unlicensed tomato shows? Leave the Farmer's Markets alone!!

You yuppie yankee posers think tomatoes are a dangerous vegetable. Well I've got news for you. It's a FRUIT. THAT'S how little you know about the Military Industrial Complex. And when the throwing starts, who do you think is going to ride up and protect you? The Burpee Seed Men, that's who! Drive-by tomato splats are a small price to pay for keeping America free.