AP; VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. (Jan. 3) - In what has become an annual tradition of prognostications, religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Tuesday God has told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in "mass killing" late in 2007.
"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said during his news-and-talk television show "The 700 Club" on the Christian Broadcasting Network. "The Lord didn't say nuclear."
Well you can bet the Lord didn't say nucular either. I always wondered, if God really did decide to actually talk to anybody, why would he choose somebody who's only on cable? Then I realized, if the Virgin Mary and Jesus choose tacos and grilled cheese sandwiches on which to appear, maybe cable makes sense. After all, God seems to be in the "small, everyday life" business again. I get tons of spam for "Christian Refinancing". I am sorely tempted to apply. I have to believe actual Christian Refinancing would mean if I am late on the mortgage payment, instead of foreclosure, I would be forgiven. Unless it's Old Testament Christian Refinancing, in which case my home could come tumbling down, my Jacuzzi waters might part, and no doubt I'd be needing a good exterminator. There is also spam from Christian Real Estate agents (Looking for a Real Estate Agent that answers to a Higher Authority?) Not sure if I'd want to be there for "the closing". I also get spam for "Christian Investing". That one interests me, due to the loaves and the fishes alone.
So, when Pat Roberson talks, it pays to parse his sentences. Here is what I get from his latest prediction: it's hindsight. "A terrorist attack on the United States" (9/11/01) "will result in mass killing late in 2007" (yes, a continuation of the war in Iraq). He's right.
Follow Elayne Boosler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ElayneBoosler