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Welcome Back, My Next Guest is the Supreme Court

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"(The Supreme) Court was once cloistered, now Chief Justice Roberts does "Nightline".. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg invited Mike Wallace in for a chat.. Steven G. Breyer on "Fox News Sunday".. John Paul Stevens on ABC.. Antonin Scalia making public appearances.."

Source - Robert Burns
Washington Post
January 6, 2007

JAY LENO
Okay, welcome back to The Tonight Show! My next guests are a well-known group. You may know some of their early hits: "Brown vs. Board of Education", "Dred Scott vs. Stanford", "Abrams vs. the United States". They can currently be seen in Washington, but seats are limited so get there early. Please welcome the Supreme Court!!!!

THE JUSTICES ENTER AND TAKE SEATS

JAY LENO
Welcome welcome well don't you look pretty. Let's see here, you must be Sandra.

JUSTICE GINSBERG
No, she retired actually. I'm Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

JAY LENO
Ruth!!! Oh sorry sorry that's a pretty name. Do you have a boyfriend?

KEVIN EUBANKS
Aaahhh haaa haa haa.

JAY LENO
What???

KEVIN EUBANKS
Man, you are such a dog.

JAY LENO
Kevin Eubanks ladies and gentlemen!! Calling me a dog, all right, all right..

CHIEF JUSTICE ROBERTS
Jay, the reason we're here is we were hoping to demystify the court for the American public, to let them see how their government works to protect its foundations and their liberties, to perhaps rekindle a spark in young people to get involved in civics and government.

JAY LENO
Now somebody told me you were the newest member in the group? Is that right?

CHIEF JUSTICE ROBERTS
Yes.

JAY LENO
And they're letting you speak for them already? Whoa ho!!!! Watch out you guys!! Hey Kev!! Would you let a new guy take the lead?

KEVIN EUBANKS
Noo man.. maybe they better introduce him to Yoko.

JAY LENO
Kevin Eubanks ladies and gentlemen! Yoko!! You are such.. Yoko..okay.. Now Mr. Alito, somebody told me you're Italian. Is that right?

JUSTICE ALITO
(sigh) Yes.

JAY LENO
And how do the guys in the old neighborhood feel about you wearing a dress, huh?? Ha ha ha.

JUSTICE BREYER
Jay, our nation's commitment to basic principles of democracy, liberty and fairness has depended upon a tradition of commitment to the rule of law, built gradually over time, by millions of ordinary citizens. We must pass that tradition on to our children. Otherwise, our society-however decent and fair in principle-will not work in practice.

JUSTICE SCALIA
Is it true we're only getting paid scale for this?

JUSTICE KENNEDY
Embedded in democracy is the idea of progress. Democracy addresses injustice and corrects it. The progress is not automatic. It requires a sustained exercise of political will; and political will is shaped by public discourse.

JUSTICE THOMAS
Scale?

JAY LENO
Ya hear that Kev?

KEVIN EUBANKS
Ask them why they write everything in 5/4 time.

JAY LENO
What? I have no idea what he's talking about. Back on the old "weed" there are we?

VICKI RANDLE
Ask them why they stopped counting the votes!!!!!

RALPH MOORE
Ask them if they're proud of themselves now!

MARVIN "SMITTY" SMITH
Yeah scale!!! Maybe you should have heard a few of those "minimum wage" cases!

JAY LENO
Okay you guys settle down settle down. Whew, musicians!! So! What do you guys have coming up?

JUSTICE SCALIA
We'll be hearing case numbers 07-133, 07-12, 07-5001, and 07-361.

JAY LENO
Well great sounds like a lot of fun. Come back and see us. Coming up!! Alyssa Milano!!! Be right back.