It's so important to start each day with a fresh perspective and insight. Don't allow past decisions, past hurts or past mistakes to follow you into the future because they serve no purpose. We all make mistakes and we all have things in our past that we wish we could delete; however, how about we start viewing these things as lessons and stepping stones instead of as mistakes -- which has a negative connotation -- and how about we become grateful for each and every experience because without them -- the good and the bad -- we would never be where we are today.
For example, losing my dad was unquestionably the most devastating experiences in my life. After that, I spent months being angry and feeling sorry for myself. I asked questions like "why did this have to happen to ME" as if I was the only person in the world that this affected, and I convinced myself that life was unfair and terrible. I went as far as to convince myself that it wasn't worth being a good person because bad things continue to happen to me. Every thought that crossed my mind was a negative thought. I saw nothing positive in anything around me. My perspective was blurred and gloomy and therefore, so was my life.
Slowly I started to wake up... literally wake up. I was a walking zombie for far too long. I lived each day in the same manner. Pissed at the world, feeling sorry for myself and convinced that life sucks and then you die. What a terrible existence I had created for myself. YUP... I created this. I had effectively made my life miserable and I was doing a really great job of it. I had failed to see all the great things in my life. I was so busy focusing on the bad -- which so many of us have been programmed to do -- that I was missing the amazingness I was surrounded by. I was missing the smiles on my daughter's faces. I was missing the love in my husbands eyes and I was wasting my days being a victim. I realized that by simply changing my perspective I was able to change my entire life.
Thankfully, one day, I started to consider how lucky my dad was that he didn't suffer. How grateful I was that he was beamingly happy until his very last second of life. I thought about how blessed we were to have all been together dancing, drinking and having one of the greatest nights in a long time on the very night he died. I started to think about how lucky my mom was that she didn't have any financial worries and that she was a healthy capable woman that has a whole life ahead of her. I wondered about how free and happy my dad is -- wherever he is -- and am grateful that I can still feel him in my heart and soul. I realized that waking up everyday and taking a breath is gift enough to be grateful for and that every single day is the first day of the rest of your life if but only if, you choose to make it that way.
I realized with great distinction that I hold they key to my very own happiness and that I have a choice. I have a choice to live a happy life or, the option to play the victim and spend the rest of my days feeling sorry for myself and being miserable. I recognized that I had allowed my circumstance to become the way it was but what was even more profound was the realization that I am also able to transform it into whatever I want it to be. I make the rules and nobody else in my life. I choose who I want around and how much of myself I want to give and guess what... that's the case for each and every one of us.
Once I realized this I started to change. It wasn't easy and even today I have bad days. Days where I cry and days where the pain of missing my daddy is physical pain in my heart and soul but, the wonderful thing about it is that this pain doesn't cripple me anymore because I know with every ounce of me now that my father's death was not the end, it was the beginning... just like birth. It was the beginning of a different era in our lives and for that, I can finally be truly grateful. What do I mean by this? What I mean is that my dad's life on earth will never be forgotten for many reasons. First, because he was the Alpha male of Alpha males! His lessons are carried with us and passed down to our children. I understand now that although my father is not by my side in physical form, he is with me in every way that counts and as long as I am open to that perspective my relationship with him can continue to be whatever I choose it to be. It's easy to say leave the past in the past. It is very difficult to actually do it. I often think of the past and examine the lessons my experiences have yielded in my life. What I don't do anymore is live in the past and worry about it. The past is just that... the past, and leaving it where it belongs has been the greatest and most healing gift I have ever given myself. Accepting that I am not the same person today as I was even last week and acknowledging that I am able to grow and change has been the highest form of love and respect I have ever felt.
So live for today and don't start this gift of a day with the broken pieces of yesterday.
"The Greatest Lesson I Have Learned In Life Is That I Still Have A Lot To Learn!" -- Unknown
Until next time...
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