Year's end is a time when all aspiring psychics (and psychos) gaze deep into their crystal balls and make ridiculous, desperate guesses as to what the future holds. Here's my stab at predicting what goings-on will occur in the world of politics during the coming year:
I predict Dennis Kucinich will leave his wife for a much younger, hotter, taller, thinner woman.
John Kerry will cause another minor scandal when a YouTube video surfaces of him announcing, "I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for doodie" to a Capitol Hill restroom attendant.
In 2007, pundits predicted Mitt Romney's relatively high poll numbers would fall once voters realized he was a Mormon. They were close; his poll numbers will actually fall when voters realize he's a MORON.
Larry Craig will continue his lifelong pattern of madcap heterosexual hijinks by discretely engaging in steamy vaginal intercourse with a steady stream of willing and attractive feminine women. What a typical straight male!
With Rudy Giuliani already running, Michael Bloomberg joining the race as an independent will spark a new trend. Look for several of the following famous names to appear on the 2008 ballot: David Dinkins, Ed Koch, Gavin Newsome, Marion Barry, "Diamond Joe" Quimby, Mayor McCheese, The Mayor of Simpleton, and John Mayer.
Hillary Clinton will face her defeat at the Democratic National Convention with dignity by agreeing to pose nude for "50 Plus" magazine and donating the proceeds to Barack Obama's campaign.
In an electoral mix-up reminiscent of 2000's butterfly ballot mishap, elderly former NYC resident Republicans now living in Florida will accidentally vote en masse for a Phillipino high school teacher named "Julie Ani."
Newly-elected President Obama's first act in office will be to appoint Al-Qaeda members to every position in his cabinet. Aw, schucks - Fox News was right! He was a gosh darn Muslim all along...
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