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Elise Sax

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Becoming My Mother: A Startling Transformation

Posted: 04/16/2012 12:17 pm

My vacation to Hawaii was great, but who is this woman in all the photos?

It can't be me. I'm much younger (and much thinner) than the woman posing in capris and a tank top, so there's no way it can be me. Hell, her face doesn't even look like mine. In fact, it's not my face at all.

It's my mother's face.

When did this happen? The last I looked, I was pretty much my own self with my own eyes and nose. But now, my mom has taken over, and my cheeks, my chin, my whole profile is hers.

My mother has been sneakily taking over for years. It started with a mannerism or two, that thing I do with my hands, the way I move my mouth. And then she started speaking for me. Her voice bellowed from my mouth when I disciplined my children. Her favorite sayings erupted from my throat at every moment.

But now, it seems, she has taken over my whole face.

My mom had her own face until her own mother took over, but that was later in life, way in her 60s. That's when her mother died. I recall a phone call from my mother, her voice filled with panic:

"Elise, I have turned into Grandma. I caught my reflection in the mirror, and I have her face."

She waited for me to deny it, to tell her she still looked the same, but she had been transforming for years, and now she really did look like my grandmother. She accepted her new reality with a grim resignation and went to Macy's to buy new wrinkle cream.

Is this the signal that we have crossed over to aging, that we have left the last vestiges of our youth behind and have moved on to the next generation? To our mothers' generation? Have we transitioned to another stage in our life with our only hint being our mother's reflection staring back at us as we brush our teeth in the morning?

Looking at my vacation photos, I think: "Hi, Mom. I miss you." And I do miss her. She left nearly a year ago, and these photos bring her back so clearly. Her facial expressions, the way she stands, it's all there recorded on my iPhone with the South Pacific in the background.

And, really, is it so bad to evolve? From baby to adolescent to woman to our mothers, these are the transitions to cherish. It's time to embrace who we are as the feminine power, the marks of our brave ancestors on our faces. These are the signs of experience of all that is womanly, and we need to own them and celebrate them.

But I'm off to Macy's for new wrinkle cream because my mother didn't look a damned thing like Angelina Jolie.

 
 
 

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My vacation to Hawaii was great, but who is this woman in all the photos? It can't be me. I'm much younger (and much thinner) than the woman posing in capris and a tank top, so there's no way it can ...
My vacation to Hawaii was great, but who is this woman in all the photos? It can't be me. I'm much younger (and much thinner) than the woman posing in capris and a tank top, so there's no way it can ...
 
 
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08:51 AM on 04/19/2012
LOL - thanks for the morning chuckle!
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Valerie Howard
AUTHOR Making the best with words...
08:29 AM on 04/19/2012
LOL! So damn true!!!!
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08:24 PM on 04/18/2012
I'm having problems seeing the photos that come with the story. Where are they?
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Jillianw
Small Business Owner & Proud Dem
06:53 PM on 04/18/2012
When I look in the mirror, I do see my mother - except she had beautiful skin & nails.
That I inherited from my dad.

In my eyes, my mother was beautiful - so I am proud to look like her.

But men do this too. My soon-to-be-ex is in his early 60s and looks like the male version of his mom.
06:04 PM on 04/18/2012
This story made me call my mom. I told her about the story, because, as of late, I had noticed my mothers face in more and more photos of myself. My kids have noticed as well. My 21 year old daughter and my sons, all tease me that I "look like Oma", our family's name for my mother. Mom told me the story of when she realized that she was looking at her mother's hands poking out of her sleeves at around my age. One day, I will be having the same conversation with my daughter.
04:09 PM on 04/18/2012
Hey//I am a 62 year old woman.
I would not have minded becoming my mother.
I looked in the mirror and realized I was looking like my father (who I could not stand.)
Try living with THAT!!!!
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vlntyn
smile. cats always purr!
02:25 PM on 04/18/2012
well done and well said!

it happens to all of us, let us be glad we do not start looking like our father! unless, of coourse, he was attractive and age defiant.
04:11 PM on 04/18/2012
Not even funny.
I am a 62 year old woman.
I would not have minded looking like my mother at this age.
I realized I am looking more like my father (who I could not stand).
Try living with that every day.
02:22 PM on 04/18/2012
This is so true and probably even more noticeable for those of us who, unfortunately, lost their mothers at a relatively early age. My mom passed away almost 30 years ago at age 56. I was 23 at the time and now, at 53, I'm definitely looking more and more like the image of her that stays forever in my mind and heart. As another poster commented, I too have also noticed "my mother's hands" at the ends of my own arms...sort of eerie but comforting at the same time, I agree. I've missed having my mother for so long now. My parting advice -- Love your moms (and dads) and be good to them for as long as you have them!
03:58 PM on 04/19/2012
Well said. I miss them both but I miss my Mom so very much!
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TERPMOM
02:12 PM on 04/18/2012
You should really CALM down. How do you think I feel? I'm seeing my FATHER'S face as I age .... I've developed quite a sense of humor over it. I used to be the women men would turn to look at (told I resembled Jackie O when I was younger) Now, even scarier are the things that I say that made me say, "Oh, Pop" when I was younger! Egads!
01:17 PM on 04/18/2012
I think women can be beautiful at any age, just take care of yourself like when you were younger.
It also has to do with self confidence and acceptance,you may not be 20 forever but, can look good at any age, also confident women are the most attractive.
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owltattoo
01:16 PM on 04/18/2012
You know, it could be worse. For instance, you couldn't have lived long enough to see the resemblance. So stop griping and be grateful.
I look younger than my age but I can definitely see that I've aged a lot in the last five years. The best I can do is take care of myself, keep fit and enjoy life. I have a neighbor who has had plastic surgery and only posts profile pictures of herself from twenty or thirty years ago. She says she used to be beautiful and now feels "invisible," but if you've defined yourself by your looks all your life, when that fades what do you expect? Being an intelligent, well-read person who can carry a conversation makes you far more memorable than just being a pretty face with nothing behind it.
This article was just silly. Aging is natural. Keep yourself up and be glad you're healthy enough to go on vacation.
01:14 PM on 04/18/2012
I think that happens to all of us. I see my Mother in myself at various times, and I hope and pray it continues. My Mother was an incredible lady, and we were all blessed that God allowed her to stay for 95 years. If I can be even one-half the person I loved and admired, I'll be grateful - wrinkles and all!
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02:03 PM on 04/18/2012
Oh yeah, I am my mother's looks. She died in 2001 and I miss her so much. When I was a baby Mom realized I was left-handed. She tied my arm down but I always got out of it...hence, my two sisters(one older, one younger) told me (Betsy, given name Elizabeth)...they knew I was different. I am a left-handed dyslexic to this day...and to this day my sisters have always said, "Betsy, Mom always like you best."
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Truth Only
12:57 PM on 04/18/2012
You'd still look different than you mom if you had taken care of yourself.
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wildzfan
Adopt not shop. Say "no" to puppymills.
01:15 PM on 04/18/2012
No matter how good you take care of yourself, the hands of time move on; unless, of course, you get plastic surgery like Joan Rivers and company. My mother is gorgeous at 62 and I hope to look as good as she does at that age. How do you know this person is not healthy and not taking care of herself?
04:12 PM on 04/18/2012
What part of age and GRAVITY do you not understand????
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Jillianw
Small Business Owner & Proud Dem
06:54 PM on 04/18/2012
Or genetics! ;)
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Truth Only
07:03 PM on 04/18/2012
The part where gravity causes poor diet and lack of exercise.
12:55 PM on 04/18/2012
While aging is no fun, as a former cancer patient that under went chemo and radiation, I am really glad to be alive and able to function independently. When I see people smoking or read about people that abuse their bodies with drugs, I always think they should visit a cancer floor at a local hospital to appreciate their health. We never know what life has in store for us, but we can at least appreciate our bodies and not abuse them.
12:46 PM on 04/18/2012
I am a man in my 70's. When I look at photos of my father's mother and her father, taken when they were seniors, the family resemblance to me, which was not so apparent when I was young, is now amazing.

I think it's wonderful to feel such a connection to family members like my great grandfather, who died more than 80 years ago, before I was born. He was born in the 1840's and fought in the Civil War. To me, this gives history a very personal meaning.