Last week, my daughter's middle school hosted a pot luck for new parents--assembling a panel of NYC teachers, assistant principals and guidance counselors who gave presentations on everything from extreme behavorial issues to what to expect during the high school vetting process. As most in the room were parents of relatively well-behaved 11-year-olds, much of the information was beyond what we needed at the moment. We were more interested in how they were functioning in this challenging environment, what their days were actually like, wanting to get a sense of how this exceedingly diverse fortress of a NYC public school was treating our newly independent, relatively sheltered kids.
And then someone mentioned sex. More specifically, when, and how, is sex education dealt with in sixth grade. The answer? It's not. There's no set curriculum. If a question comes up in, say advisory--a weekly forum 6th graders have with their guidance counselors meant to address time management, bullying, homework pressure--it's dealt with in as perfunctory a manner as possible, quietly and quickly. Apparently, the NYC Department of Education doesn't feel it necessary to educate our kids about reproduction, contraception, or sexual health. Wait, I have to modify that last one, there's a mandatory curriculum about AIDS, but parents are informed well in advance so they can keep their kids home if they don't feel comfortable about them getting that information.
I'm sorry, but what?!
Last year, I waited and waited for the notice letting me know that fifth graders would be seeing the rite-of-passage menstruation film just about everyone I know lived through. Smack in the middle of writing FLOW: the Cultural Story of Menstruation (with Susan Kim), my daughter knew far more than most nine-year-olds did, but I found, talking to her friends, misinformation ran rampant. But, I learned, there was no film. No lecture. No talk with the nurse, the science teacher. No booklets to take home. While I have mixed feeling about femcare companies coming into schools, providing what amounts to an infomercial about their products, providing a forum for education and discussion should be mandatory. But, apparently, the DOE doesn't feel the same way.
I wonder if anyone from the Department of Education has strolled down 14th Street in Manhattan on a Saturday afternoon, sidewalks packed with girls who barely look old enough to be responsible babysitters, with babies on their hips, toddlers in strollers. I wonder, if kids learned about sex in school, whether they'd make different choices. Maybe, maybe not. They're teenagers after all. But, as a parent, I'd much rather my kids learn in classrooms, from teachers who can provide factual information, than by watching birth control and menstrual suppression ads on TV, gleaning information from misinformed friends, or tragically, developing sexually with no information at all. At the tail end of 2009, living in Greenwich Village, in New York City, it's shocking to realize we're moving backwards. This reticence to talk sex in school is nothing but a disservice to our children.
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My understanding is that here in California, the decision to provide health or sex education in an age-appropriate manner is a decision made by each school. Some ten and eleven-year-old girls (and boys) will be provided with extensive education by their school nurse; others will receive cursory information, and others, none at all.
It is my hope that we can use this as an opportunity to provide our tweens and teens with age-appropriate health and sex education that also empowers them in their relationships. This is such an incredible opportunity to do it right (pun intended), and keep our young people safe and healthy and empowered!
www.rebeccaelia.com
Like Elissa, I saw the Kotex film- after the boys were taken to another classroom. (I'm still in the dark about what THEY were told.)
In 11th grade (or was it 12th?) we sat, shifting in our seats, cheeks flushed with embarrassment as our teacher, a man, drew pictures of the female and male reproductive system on the blackboard. But you know what, I learned a lot in that class.
Until then, I'd believed that you had to be married to have a baby. And I grew up in a house where we talked about sex. Now I understood (and just when I needed to) that if I had sex, no matter how young I was, I could get pregnant. And knowing that, I was more careful.
Anecdotally, I talked to my own kids about sex, and they had a sex ed class in their Waldorf school. But even though they knew all the... ahem... ins and outs of the thing, they showed great reserve. My son is in his second two-year relationship, and he's just 21. My daughter, 19, is waiting until she finds someone special.
To me, knowing about sexuality only makes it safer. It's the nature and character of the chid--and the culture of the school--that determines whether or not they will experiment early, not sex ed.
I'm sorry to say it, but we have no one to blame but ourselves for allowing a vocal minority's religious views to set our children's curriculum.
I've always believed that we should teach classes about happiness and love... heck, and finances... but maybe, that's just me. ;-)
If people even believed this, they would obviously be wrong. But the fact is that (apparently), the most "instruction" kids get at home regarding sex is an uncomfortable, metaphor-filled, very brief discussion, followed by "any questions? no? good."
The schools are pressured by a very few yet very vocal conservatives. The few lucky kids who have involved parents get things explained to them, and all the other kids get diddly.
And yes, I am still scarred by having to attend that "very special" film with my father in seventh grade.