THE BLOG
07/14/2014 05:48 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

Marriage Equality, But What About Divorce?

Adolfo Lopez Perez via Getty Images

I have been an out lesbian for more than 40 years and have been married twice to the same person, once in 2004 when the then-San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom allowed for same-sex marriages which were later voided; and again in 2008 before Prop 8 was passed abolishing same-sex marriages.

The United States Supreme Court tossed out Prop 8 and upheld the marriages, mine included.

I was with my wife for nearly 10 years before we were married the first time, we had two kids, and I never considered a prenuptial agreement, because I thought it would be forever.

A straight friend opined that LGBT relationships should have a greater success rate because of the fight for marriage equality. But a political battle does not ensure a greater marriage success rate than straight folks which is hovering around 50 percent.

I knew little about marriage before I got married, not having even contemplating it until the day of when my then partner asked me to meet her at city hall in San Francisco to get married. I knew a little more at our second marriage which was at a local community center.

I know very little about divorce, but here are a few things to know that other LGBT folks should know:

1. Divorce laws very from state to state (currently 13 states allow for same sex marriages and 31 states have an outright ban.

2. If you get married and move to a state that does not allow for same sex marriages, one of you will have to move back to the state you got married in and establish residency for 6 months to a year to dissolve the marriage.

3. Bigamy is illegal is most states.

4. There are often conflicts with state and federal laws which could have an impact on parental rights and custody issues.

But the third time will be a charm for me.

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