A Mother Plays Monday Morning Quarterback

Last week, my ten-year-old son, Mikey, suffered a concussion in third game of his first season of tackle football. I'm in a quandary: do I end tackle football now and forever, or let him play? Should he at least finish this season with his team, then fade out, or am I crazy to even risk it? Do I cross my fingers, knowing that he may never have another concussion in his life--be it from tackle football, or from roughhousing with his brothers, or from an innocent slip on ice--or take every precaution and force him to play non-contact sports from here on in? What's a parent of a ten-year-old athletic kid to do?
I heeded the warnings of parents and professionals before I said yes to Mikey's constant pleas to play tackle football. First, I tried distracting him. I reminded him that he is a good baseball player. Basketball is good too, I said. (Full disclosure: my oldest son suffered a concussion playing basketball this year, so no guarantees there either!)
But my efforts to distract Mikey into another sport failed - Mikey's pleas to play tackle football only continued and got louder. I owed it to him to get to the bottom of the conflicting reactions, many of which related to what other parents allowed decades ago. I was told that soccer players get more injuries because there are no helmets and pads. I was also told that tackle football "at this age" is safer than high school football. I trusted the pro-tackle information. I know Mikey is a good athlete, so finally, I said yes.
During summer training camp and for the first month of the season, I basked in the rightness of my decision to say yes. Mikey grew up dramatically. He was tired and sore from practice, but in a good way. He ate like a horse and slept like a rock. Most notably, Mikey matured by about a year in the span of that first month playing. He was no longer afraid to walk to school alone. He learned how to care for his teammates and to sacrifice for the team. He hoped he'd be a running back, but became the quarterback because he can throw and that is what the team wanted. He withstood the pressure of everyone yelling his name on the sidelines, of having to learn every offensive player's routes, and the play calls.
He made mistakes, learned from them and kept going. He also plays defense: cornerback and special teams. He doesn't complain about any of it. Even after the big 5-kid tackle which caused the concussion, all he said was "the line broke down" and "I held the ball too long." Quite simply, he loves football.
Mikey's favorite receiver is a fellow ten-year-old boy who was in chemotherapy six months ago. This boy's story puts yet another perspective on the sport and this team. (His Dad told me that during his treatment, he wanted to be sure he could still play football, and here is, playing football, and there is no one you want to succeed more than this kid.)
The doctors say Mikey may never get another concussion, but he plays a position where he is the target. My friends tell me to tune in to the TV shows on kids and concussions. Last weekend, I saw the Sixty Minutes piece on head trauma and NFL players with early dementia. I talked to Mikey about concussions. When I used the word "dementia" and defined it as "what Grandpa has" Mikey told me I was "freaking him out."
So now I have a child who is probably nervous about playing, maybe even feeling guilty about having gotten the concussion because he did not "get rid of the ball fast enough." I've gone from kvelling over his play and buying a shirt that says "I love my football player" to confessing it might have been the wrong decision.
Mikey will play next Sunday in a new air-padded helmet with harder plastic. It is their homecoming game. I don't know what to wish for: their first win of the season, or simply, no hard hits. I want him to have fun and to experience the love of playing a sport he is good at. Some of parenting is knowing when to let your kid go and knowing when to draw the line. In this case, I simply do not know.

Comments

[LCDTV]

i played flag football in elementary school and was knocked out cold during practice. i woke up and wondered why my team members were looking down at me. i've had 4 head traumas in my life; all under the age of 16. i do believe those concussions, after all these years, have had a negative affect on my brain. once you get one concussion it is easier to suffer from another concussion.

[Linda Bergthold - Huffpost Blogger]

Do your best to redirect your son's interest in football to another sport, and do it as fast as you can. The newest research on the sub-concussive injuries to the brain from football are really quite alarming. Read this article from the October 19th New Yorker - http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/10/19/091019fa_fact_gladwell -- I don't think you will feel the same after you read it. I realize that your son maybe very upset if you pull him out, but if you can find another sport he can get into, like soccer even, perhaps that will help some.

[Sportswoman]

Having raised two sons who both ploayed football, although one was a far better basketball player, I would offer some advice given to me by a dad who was a former All Pro safety:
Forget Pop Warner until they are in 7th or 8th grade. Flag football well-coached teaches them the proper footwork necessary to play the game well. Footwork in the game of football is 65% of it. Tackle football in middle school teaches them routes, defensive and offensive schemes. I would also recommend that in the summertime your son signs up with a local Div 1 summer football camp program at a university with a decent football program. They are coached by college coaches and thus learn more than what parks and recreation level coaches can provide.
All sports carry an element of danger. My son hyperextended his knee in basketball. A line drive killed a local Catholic school player not wearing a batting helmet. A skateboarder was hit and killed by an SUV. If your son tackles properly and wears the proper helmet (Fit) and pads, he should be ok. Our pediatrician said soccer injuries he treats are far more dangerous than football.

[Elizabeth Donoghue - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks for the helpful suggestions!! Tthe opportunities to play tackle in NYC, where we live, are really limited (no middle school teams, for example). Flag football is big here, though Mikey thinks he's grown out of it. We are primarily a basketball family. Too bad my boys don't swim!

[Citizen54]

If he has his heart set on tackle football, not sure you can talk him out of that wish, but you might want to also mention that big kids play flag football. I went to high school in Richmond VA and we played in a city-wide league.

Many years later, I got my concussion slipping on the ice. As you probably know, the effects can linger forever, so you are not being wussy by being especially concerned.

(I was lucky: My kids didn't like football.)