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Feminism, Futility and Other F-Words: A Satire

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Feminism is futile, unnecessary in an age that has ushered in equal pay for women, gender parity in politics and a string quartet of misogyny in popular culture (staccato and subordinate, of course).

It's refreshing to live within a society that champions the values of misogyny, a form of perpetual equality, 77 cents of a man's dollar. After all, women can't do math anyway. Our emotional deference and childbearing responsibilities are what truly hinders us: women are their own worst enemy. Let's get out of the workplace and make more room for men, extending a manicured hand, perhaps our physique and biological makeup are distracting, amidst the easily distracted: Rape and sexual harassment are the byproducts of biology, and biology, and above all, science, a career only belonging to men, shall trace that the cause of all social disaster lies within the female race (a science far too advanced for the delicate female brain).

How refreshing to bare political parity, a woman's presidency. If a woman is seen as being equal in intellect and is valued for her appearance, then perhaps our emotions have barred us from presidency? Our emotions influence all political actions, the weak and unfit tears we cry are unmatched to the manly tears of justice, spelling out "America-freedom and equality for all."

The whole is not greater than the sum of your parts. Women are equivalent to a part, a fraction or one third of a part of their visage, only on their best days, adorned with skin and makeup that has defied the course of aging. Empowered by objectification, women endeavor the broad confines of popular culture with a razor sharp tongue, words that trump their actions and appearance.

The latter tenets express the full-fledged triviality of women's rights amidst the dwindling patriarchy. Complacency in issues concerning women's rights and gender parity are the true undertakings of our generation, we must have gratitude for present affairs. How dare we ask for more, when the fruits men have given us shall be abundant, thus curbing our "nagging" tongues.