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Ellen Kanner

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Meatless Monday: The Sexy Vegan -- The Vegan Dude Abides

Posted: 03/26/2012 7:19 am

The Sexy Vegan is not Food Network fab, he's not buff, he's a dude. He makes dude food. Jalapeno poppers. Barbecued ribz. Spaghetti and balls. Pizza. It's manly. And it's plant-based.

Not too long ago, the Sexy Vegan (real name Brian Patton) was an overweight, junk food-addicted Trekkie. Now, he's a vegan vid sensation and author of the new cookbook, The Sexy Vegan Cookbook (clever title).

Seven years ago, Patton was a self-taught cook cheffing at a cafe. The cafe wasn't vegan and at the time, neither was he. He was "260 pounds. I was a big, round, blubbery guy. I smoked and drank all the time. Not that I don't drink any more, but back then, it was all the time."

Meanwhile, some friends opened Vegin' Out, a vegan food delivery service. On his day off, Patton would come over with a couple of bags of fast food, chow down, then help prepare "all this awesome, healthy food." These guys were his friends, they cut him some slack. But even in his burger-and-fries haze, Patton realized something was wrong. "I'd look at these people being healthy, but I'm drinking a 32-ounce soda, burger, fries. I thought I could only get better by getting vegan."

His plan: go meatless for a month, get in shape, "then I'll go back to eating steaks and all the stuff I love."

Turns out he liked being vegan. "I started for health," he says. "It was the environmental, social, ethical part that kept me vegan. Aside from feeling awesome, another being didn't have to die this horrible death for me to survive -- this just makes sense."

Patton gave up his addiction to fast food burgers and tacos but indulged in another addiction -- video. Not porn. He was hooked on cooking shows. He watched them, he taped them, he couldn't help himself. "It's all cookie cutter -- every show looks the same. It's like food porn -- people aren't going to make those dishes really," he says. "I wanted to do things people actually make, present it in a way that makes sense and is not intimidating."

So with the Sexy Vegan as a joke alter ego, he posted some vegan cooking vids with modest production values on YouTube. He developed a fan base. They love his recipes. They love his dude 'tude." "I throw in a dick joke -- people like that."

But beneath the naughty patter and the plant-based pizza demos lurks a guy with a serious mission. "I'd wanted to do something of value, something that affects people positively, but I didn't know what that was. Cooking at the restaurant wasn't enough -- it felt frivolous in some ways. When I found veganism, I found the value," says Patton, now Vegin' Out's executive chef. "It's my job, I get paid for it, but I'm promoting a healthy environment, healthy people, I can do good stuff and whatever." And he does it with his balls.

"My Balls" -- the Sexy Vegan's signature meatless meatballs recipe -- "serves the world. It shows the world a better ball, a ball that can have a lot of flavor and also a lot of nutrition, without hurting any animal or doing bad things in the environment," says Patton. "Eat 'em in pairs."

This summer, the Sexy Vegan is marrying the woman he refers to in his book as the Girlfriend, and he's going to look his sexy best. To make wedding weight, he's specializing in eating salad -- not frothy salads that leave you feeling virtuous but famished, but Sexy Vegan salads, like Curry Fried Tofu.

"You need variety," he says. "You should not deny yourself stuff -- you'll get bored. Have a piece of chicken fried seitan but surround it with broccoli or kale or something that compliments it. Have balance on your plate. "

Patton is still a Trekkie, a pizza fan and a dude, but he's something more, too. "I feel better now. I'm more of a complete person. When I became vegan, this puzzle came together -- that contributes to anyone's sexiness. When they understand themselves, feel good in their body, they put good feelings out into the world," says Patton. "That's what makes someone sexy."

My Balls

from The Sexy Vegan Cookbook by Brian Patton

Here they are! For the whole planet to behold ... My Balls! You can place them atop a pile of spaghetti or line them up in a hoagie roll, smother them with tomato sauce and your favorite vegan cheese, and bake for a killer ball-parm sando.


4 ounces tempeh
1/2 cup raw walnuts
1 tablespoon nutritional yeast
1 teaspoon minced fresh Italian parsley
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
2 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
1/4 cup diced yellow onion
1/2 teaspoon vegan Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon low-sodium tamari or soy sauce
1 tablespoon water
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, plus more to lube the 
baking sheet and coat the balls
Salt and pepper

Preheat the oven to 350°F.

Using a steamer basket, steam the tempeh for 25 minutes to soften it. Then let it cool.

In a food processor, combine the walnuts, nutritional yeast, parsley, oregano, basil, thyme, garlic, onion, Worcestershire, tomato paste, tamari, water, and oil, and process until you have a semi-moist meal.

In a bowl, crumble the steamed tempeh with your hands until there are no big chunks left. Then add the mixture from the food processor to the bowl, plus a pinch of salt and a grind of pepper, and mash it all together with your hands. You will now be able to form this mass into little balls. Make them just a bit smaller than beer-pong balls (depending on when and where you went to college, you may know them as Ping-Pong balls), about 12 inches in diameter.

Lube up a baking sheet with the oil, lay the balls on it, coat them with a little more oil, and bake for 30 minutes. My balls are now ready for consumption.

Makes 10 to 12 balls.

 

Follow Ellen Kanner on Twitter: www.twitter.com/edgyveggie1

The Sexy Vegan is not Food Network fab, he's not buff, he's a dude. He makes dude food. Jalapeno poppers. Barbecued ribz. Spaghetti and balls. Pizza. It's manly. And it's plant-based. Not too ...
The Sexy Vegan is not Food Network fab, he's not buff, he's a dude. He makes dude food. Jalapeno poppers. Barbecued ribz. Spaghetti and balls. Pizza. It's manly. And it's plant-based. Not too ...
 
 
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bikefolder32
My micro bio is an honor student.
07:41 PM on 04/09/2012
I've seen reviews for the cookbook, may have to add it to my collection. I also agree with the poster who mentioned they're not a fan of mock-meat, most serious vegans/vegetarians aren't. It's just easier and tastes better to use plant proteins flavored for what they are, it involves less sodium.
10:06 PM on 04/03/2012
It is truly frightening that so many vegans are so completely removed from the realities of food production, that they perpetuate such utter nonsense, such as the claim in the above article that the ingredients in those tempeh balls are produced "without hurting any animal or doing bad things in the environment."

Nothing could be farther from the truth. To grow every one of the shallow-rooted annuals in that recipe, animal habitat is obliterated, and countless animals die horrific deaths, being plowed under, crushed, and ripped apart at the seams in the process. If you talk to an organic nut farmer about all of the small creatures killed in the process of nut cultivation, you will wuickly be disabused of the notion that animals don't die in that process. In fact, a recent study by world renowned environmental scientist Mike Archer found that per kilo of protein, more than 25 times more sentient creatures are killed for plant ag than there are in pasturing ruminants:
http://theconversation.edu.au/ordering-the-vegetarian-meal-theres-more-animal-blood-on-your-hands-4659?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=tweetbutton&utm_campaign=article-top
I-US
Beware the monsters lurking in word swamps.
02:20 PM on 04/03/2012
Regardless of how one feels about eating meat, there doesn't seem to be any reason to dismiss the idea that B12 exists in ecosystems. It turns out, scientists have known about varying concentrations of B12 in bodies of water since the 1950s synthesized by bacteria, which, in turn, is then fed upon by algae.

Below is an interesting example of how scientists are looking at the requirements of vitamin B12 by algae, for instance.

"The scientists realised that the amount of vitamin B12 required to grow the types of algae that do need the vitamin in the laboratory is much higher than natural levels in the seas and rivers. They discovered that in the natural environment were bacteria that could supply the necessary vitamin B12 the algae needed. However, the relationship between the bacteria and algae was not one-way. The scientists found that the algae supported the bacteria by providing them with carbon from their own photosynthesis."

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/01/060114152028.htm
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elcerritan
My bio is not micro
07:07 PM on 04/03/2012
This doesn't change the fact that the "traditional" source of B12 for humans wasn't drinking water, but rather animal foods. The lengths to which some vegans will go to in order to avoid admitting that simple fact are pretty funny. They'd rather claim that eating poop, or drinking poop-contaminated or bacteria-laden water, was the "real" way people got B12 in "ye olden dayes" than admit that the real source was animal tissue. This is particularly amusing in light of how completely unhinged so many of them become over how "dangerous" meat or other animal foods are because of the possibility of fecal contamination - the very fecal/bacterial contamination they laud as a source for B12.
I-US
Beware the monsters lurking in word swamps.
07:26 PM on 04/03/2012
And the following below, which was observed after experiments in the Ross Sea in Antarctica, suggests that the presence of cobalt and B12 for the bacteria reflects a complicated and little-understood process of B12 uptake by marine bacteria, which are then consumed by algae. The authors of the study here and above are less interested in B12's role in human nutrition (they mention it only in passing to say that land animals also require it) and more in its role in the web of marine ecosystems, algal nutrition, and the processing of carbon dioxide.

“Phaeocystis effectively monopolize the B12 supply by forming colonies cemented by sticky mucous that attracts B12-making bacteria, Bertrand and Saito theorize. In a symbiotic relationship, the algae get their required vitamin and the bacteria get a steady supply of carbon made by the plants. When Phaeocystis dies off and the bacteria are eaten or decomposed, B12 is released once again to the ocean and is available to be used by diatoms.”

“B12 Is Also an Essential Vitamin for Marine Life”
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/05/070518125629.htm

We have a great deal to learn about the sources of and processes involved in the nutrients our bodies require. Fascinating stuff.
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sabelmouse
i love to tumble , ask me why .
06:35 AM on 04/03/2012
B12 is, in fact, readily available from meat. B12 deficiency
in the U.S. population has nothing to do meat not being an
adequate source, but rather is because of characteristics of in
the U.S. population that result in inadequate absorption, most
notably the heavy use of antactids and acid blockers like
Prilosec, which interfere with B12 absorption. B12 in meat is
plenty "bioavailable" to people who don't have a malabsorption
condition. And it's news to me that the "traditional source"
for B12 was drinking water. Uh, I think you're confusing B12
with cholera. If people got any B12 from drinking water
instead of the more plausible "traditional source," i.e.,
animal foods, it was only because of fecal contamination of the
water. Moreover, beef cattle (and other kinds of cattle) don't
get B12 "from a supplement." Gut bacteria in cattle produce
B12, and because of the structure of the ruminant digestive
system, which recirculates the contents of the digestive tract
through several different stomachs, cattle are able to absorb
the B12 produced by their own intestinal bacteria. Human gut
bacteria also produce B12, but they do it too far down the
digestive tract (past the ileum, where B12 is absorbed) so
humans can't use the B12 produced in their own bodies but have
to obtain it exogenously. Non-ruminant herbivores that also
don't have a caecum, like rabbits, get B12 by eating their own
fecal pellets."
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elcerritan
My bio is not micro
06:51 PM on 04/03/2012
Thank you.
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sabelmouse
i love to tumble , ask me why .
07:05 AM on 04/04/2012
i was going to say something but there was no space. i'm still waiting on the first part of my comment on the milk thread to appear. i guess it won't.
and yesterday i was replying to something about uk children's geography knowledge, also never appeared
really, seriously, i never, i'm fuming. .
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elcerritan
My bio is not micro
12:24 AM on 04/03/2012
So this is what passed for a "sexy dude" in the vegan world? Uh ... okay ...
09:28 PM on 03/28/2012
I definitely want to buy this cookbook. His recipes sound really delicious... and he's super cute as well!
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sabelmouse
i love to tumble , ask me why .
07:46 AM on 04/05/2012
i can't help but make a connection between your username and your comment.
12:49 PM on 04/05/2012
If that's an insult, then it's not a very good one. I made it as a joke because I have slight agoraphobia. But thanks for trying.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
lele23
09:11 PM on 03/28/2012
I just watched six or seven of the videos and I have to say...this guy's great! The food looks pretty good too.
06:15 AM on 03/28/2012
Thirty years Vegetarian. Great article!
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homer winslow
Truth in Beauty, Beauty in Truth
06:01 PM on 03/28/2012
You have me by ten years. I always say that if you truly give vegetarianism a chance, that you will see no reason to go back to meat.
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sabelmouse
i love to tumble , ask me why .
07:47 AM on 04/05/2012
i was veg for over 30 years and i went back,
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elcerritan
My bio is not micro
02:05 PM on 04/05/2012
Plenty of people have done so, however, and concluded that the move back to an omnivorous diet was the best move they ever made.
11:37 PM on 03/27/2012
"...but I'm drinking a 32-ounce soda, burger, fries." Most of the food he names here is carbs, fat -- oil, sugar, starch, flour, plant-based junk... How in the world did he decide that meat was the villain in this awful diet? He could have kept the burger and had the same result with ditching the soda, greasy fries and burger bun.
09:04 AM on 04/02/2012
Because Meat is just as unhealthy as the soda and fries. It is full of Fat and Cholesterol and adds nothing to a diet which can not be better obtained from a plant based diet. B12 it turns out is not readily available from meat either. Two studies done recently show that 40% of the US population have sub normal levels of B12. Interestingly the studies showed no correlation between B12 levels and the amount of meat consumed. This would suggest that B12 is not bio-available to the body from meat. The traditional source for this water soluble vitamin is drinking water, however modern sanitation has eliminated this source for most Americans. Therefore it is best to get your B12 from a supplement just like most of the beef cattle do these days. Then you can leave the cow corpse alone and get your nutrition from plants like nature intended.
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sabelmouse
i love to tumble , ask me why .
06:25 AM on 04/03/2012
water ? interesting. tell me more .
09:53 PM on 04/03/2012
AllVegan, where do you come up with such blatant disinformation? Meat absolutely, positively is readily available in meat. That is not an opinion, it's a fact.

40% of society, eating the SAD, do indeed suffer from mild B12 deficiency. But studies have repeatedly shown that 52% of all vegans suffer from severe B12 deficiency, compared to less than 1% of omnivores.

Your claims about drinking water are complete and utter nonsense. B12 comes from eating animal foods. As far as what nature intended, there is absolutely, positively no question that we are naturally adapted to eat a combination of meat and vegetables, because we are omnivores. Our pancreas produces a wide range of enzymes for digesting both meat and vegetables, because we are omnivores. Unlike herbivores, we do not have multiple stomachs or a caecum, so we cannot digest cellulose. Our colons are longer than a carnivore's, and much shorter than an herbivore's, because we are omnivores. Our stomach produces hydrochloric acid for digesting meat, because we are omnivores. Evidence for eating meat goes back more than 3.5 million years, so you have no argument. Tools for catching and eating meat date back more than 2.5 million years! We are omnivores. Any claim to the contrary is nonsense.
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Tom S Cedar Mill
This ain't no party, this ain't no disco.
10:58 PM on 03/27/2012
My daughter's Vegan. She's taught me the error of my whey.
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MotherLodeBeth
Awesome California Lifestyle
08:07 PM on 03/26/2012
While I often joke that I am old enough to be this young mans mother, I own and love his cookbook and for a variety of reasons. As the only female in a house with males, his cookbook has made vegan doubters into vegan lovers. It's not a wimpy cookbook and it has humor. South Park, Monty Python style humor.

The recipes are actually great, easy to make and all the ingredients are found in most grocery stores. His Seitan recipe which uses potatoes is one of our favorites. It is an excellent meat substitute, and his soup and pizza sections are fantastic.

Vegan doesn't mean odd or weird. For centuries folks with sensitivities to eggs, dairy have used vegan recipes. During the Great Depression and WW2 many people were vegan, yet vegan wasn't a movement. Back then it was called common sense frugality. And many high tech companies up here in Silicon Valley, have excellent vegan chefs.

Also like that this young man Sexy Vegan Brian Pattonas as well as Chloe Coscarelli author of Chloes Kitchen are two young vegan authors I highly recommend. What is so sad is that while more and more young adults are open to veganism, its the over fifty crowd who could use the health benefits of veganism, yet are often so stuck in their ways. Hopefully the young will enlighten their elders. As the back of his cookbook notes 'Not Yo Mama's vegan cookbook'
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Karl Wilder
Chef Stirring The Pot Harlem
02:04 PM on 03/26/2012
I like recipes like this. They are tempeh and nut and not pretend meat. Pretend meat is gross.
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homer winslow
Truth in Beauty, Beauty in Truth
06:07 PM on 03/28/2012
I like what Michael Pollan says in food rules. Never eat anything your great grandparents wouldn't recognize as food. I have eaten a few of the Tofurkey sausages in the past, but tend to stick with real veggies. My wife makes Lentil and quinoa patties that are delicious.
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01:45 PM on 03/26/2012
"Sexy Vegan" indeed. It's time somebody tackled the myth of the pasty white, skinny vegan. May I suggest Melissa Schwartz new project http://vgirlsvguys.net/
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plantbasedpunk
live from the PHX
01:24 PM on 03/26/2012
Great to a see a meatless ball recipe that doesn't call for wheat or bread crumbs. Shall have to stuff these in a hoagie with some spinach, mushrooms, cashew ricotta and tomato sauce.
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mamahappy
not free, until we all are
12:23 PM on 03/26/2012
I'm not vegan, but these balls sound good. We will have them for dinner tonight. I know my kids will love them.