Poof! The younger man disappeared just as my inner threshold guardian had predicted. These powerful guardians of both fiction and life are said to be stationed at strategic points of essential journeys. Mine had warned me of being too old to drive on the Road to Romance. Currently, she seemed to be doing her best to thwart my interest in this new man.
These archetypes of the hero/ine's journey appear to test us; seeing if we are worthy of the challenge of change. I've been having many electronic challenges recently that have the quality of a trickster. Texts were evidenced as being sent from a friend's phone but, were never delivered to mine. Smart phones crashed and came back to life seconds before important calls including the one from the younger man.
Having only communicated through lively emails, the younger man and I were having an engaging phone conversation. When he asked what I deeply desired in a relationship. I had allowed myself to express fully, feeling the authenticity of my words. Learning to value my own needs was new to me. Expressing them to men was even more recent. I liked how it felt to do so. Also felt was the withdrawal of his energy. I stayed present, listening to him, really hearing what he was saying. And not saying.
As our phone call drew to a close, he voiced being eager to continue our conversation. While he advocated keeping up of our momentum, I was neither surprised nor particularly disappointed when it didn't continue beyond that day. It was only my ease at letting go of this very attractive and seemingly well-matched man that surprised me.
I had interpreted not being met by him as data, rather than taking it personally. Hallelujah! My life partner will be inspired by who I am, this man clearly wasn't. Our disconnection was simply evidence of a mismatch. I realized that I did not need a particular response from another, speaking my truth was enough. I sensed the safe place within me, to be me. I have finally come to value myself and what I bring to a relationship.
With no new prospects on the love horizon, I nurtured myself listening to other speakers on International Coach Jeanne Byrd's Reignite Your Life. It was here that I first encountered Jill Jepson and the term threshold guardians. I had referenced these guardians who appear on the brink of something new in my post here.
I laughed aloud remembering a funny occurrence while attempting to post that blog on Facebook. Despite copying the link correctly, instead of my familiar image of a computer keyboard with the prominent LOVE key, what appeared was a traffic signal with a caution light.
While initially startling, it was pre-dawn and could be dismissed as a hynopompic image. As my second attempt to post was successful, the incident drifted away like other dream-like images that occur when moving from sleep to awakening.
Later that day while cooking with an old friend, her mentioning the brief appearance of the caution signal refreshed my memory. She thought I might be covertly commenting on the conversation with the younger man. While not intentional, it was applicable. Where did this image come from? Who had turned my LOVE key into a caution signal?
With curiosity, I googled my article. Instinctively, I clicked on one of the links within to Jill Jepson's blog,here. Poof! The traffic signal, yellow light illuminated, reappeared.
Once again, my mind tried to wrap itself around this mystery and the many strange electronic oddities of late. While friends are certain it's the impact of Mercury in retrograde, I am now convinced it's my inner threshold guardian. Simultaneously, I knew that she was not an adversary but, an ally trying to get my attention. Was she trying to warn me? Caution me of potential danger?
I almost dismissed her signal; being so used to doing it all myself. My well-earned independence often negated the assistance others offered. Here was an opportunity to practice welcoming help, even from an archetype. I paused, took the first of many deep breaths and released control, choosing to accept her gift.
What are you trying to tell me, I asked. Then I listened, paying close attention as the caution light flashed brilliantly in my mind's eye. This time I saw it not as a warning but as advice: Slow Down. I've been a hard worker all my life. With so much inner work yet to do in preparation for welcoming my beloved, I was relentless in my efforts. I don't know how to do slow. Any advice, I silently asked?
Intuitively I sensed her timely message: BE, my VALENTINE. Simply BE.