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What the Pets In Your Online Dating Photo Mean

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Scientific research about whether you should include a pet in your online dating profile pic is, not surprisingly, rather flimsy. According to some studies, a dog in your profile photograph is guaranteed to get the replies rolling on (even if you admit it's not your dog -- in fact, according to some studies, especially if it's just a borrowed dog)... and then, according to other studies (we're using the word "studies" very loosely here, of course), a dog can actually reduce your chances of finding a date.

So, we decided to put together our own report on featuring pets. And yes, we're using the word "report" very loosely here -- hey, this isn't exactly rocket science. The following guide explains the message conveyed by different kinds of pet in your online dating pic. Note: These are not our judgements on various pets, but rather, the kind of message that these pets convey to complete strangers, when you include them in your online dating profile pic. Depending on the image you want to present, consider posing with your pet, cropping your pet from the pic, or borrowing a pet from a friend.

Man with Dog (Regular Size)
"I'm rugged and manly but can be tender and caring with the right woman. Every woman except the right woman, however, comes second to my dog."

Man with Dog (Miniature)
"I like pink shirts, skincare products, and cunnilingus. And yes, I'm perfectly secure in my manhood, thanks."

Woman with Dog (Regular Size)
"I take five minutes to get ready in the morning and I'll never order a salad (dressing on the side) when we go out to eat. And no players, please: The only games I like are those I play with my dog."

Woman with Dog (Miniature)
"I take more than an hour to get ready in the morning and I'll order a salad (dressing on the side) even when you insist the restaurant serves the best steak in town. Also: be prepared for mind games."

Man with Cat
"I honestly don't give a shit what you think about my cat. Also, go ahead and bring your vibrator to bed -- it's all good. I'll probably write a poem about it, if that's cool with you."

Woman with Cat
"My bed is strewn with my stuffed animal collection. And, ew, please don't put your finger there. Like, gross!"

Man with Horse
"I'm richer than you could possibly imagine. So rich that your mother will be begging me to marry you."

Woman with Horse
"Are you rich enough to be my man?"

Man with Rabbit
"I love to spoon. No, seriously, I love to spoon."

Woman with Rabbit
"Will you hold me?"

Man with Bird
"I'm a control freak with a jealous streak."

Woman with Bird
"I don't like to make too much noise in bed. Would you please keep it down?"

Man with Snake
"I am extremely well-endowed."

Woman with Snake
"I like kinky sex but only with men who are extremely well-endowed. And no, I don't want to look, thanks."

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