THE BLOG
02/20/2013 12:05 pm ET Updated Apr 22, 2013

Ring Envy: It's Not The Size That Matters

What do you do when you can't live with your engagement ring?

'With this ring, I thee wed..." If a wedding ring is a reminder of a unbroken circle of love and commitment, then the engagement ring is the one you use to show off with. We kid, we kid. It is a symbol of the optimistic promise of your relationship, that you are your betrothed and your betrothed is yours. But it's also for you to admire and cherish and show off to your girlfriends that your future hubby has such great taste and knows you so well.

And for this reason, newly-engaged women, freshly high from their proposal, start to walk the earth again, wondering what to do if they love their fiancé, but HATE their ring. Maybe it is massive and gaudy and you're all about delicate and balance. Maybe it is modern-chunky when you always imagined vintage. It was as if he got the gnarly toy in that old school arcade game, the one where a claw goes down and picks the most random prize of all.

The best thing to do is wait it out, see if it grows on you, like that sweet man that has always been around and one day you found you could love him as much as he loves you. The ring is something you can always upgrade for an anniversary. You don't want to seem ungrateful. He chose it. He took great pride in it. It might even be from his mother. But if this thing is going to be a part of you the rest of your life, this sparkly growth on your finger, this symbol of Happily Ever After, it might as well be something you love to look at. If you really can't stand the style of your ring, you must find a way to tell him now. Nothing like an outburst in three years of "AND I HATE THIS HIDEOUS RING, YOU HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME!!!" when you get mad at him for forgetting your mother at the airport yet again.

Remember, it's not a competition. We know that it seems every girl in Bar Method has a conflict-free ring finger knuckle that keeps blinding you with ever bicep curl plie. It's not a size game. If your fiancé can't afford the size you want, you can always add another sparkly band next to it. Optical illusions. Pave diamond bands are your affordable best friend.

It's not the size that matters, it's the style that counts. It should be a reflection of your personal style, an extension of yourself. Choose the SETTING you want and keep the diamond he chose.

If you absolutely can't stand it, you can try any of the following and remember that guys are sensitive creatures:

-I was mugged. Nothing like accidentally losing it, or worse, it was TAKEN! Just kidding, there'd be too many questions and police report filing involved. Just keep it simple.

-It's not you, it's the ring. Reassure him the doubt is about the jewelry and not him.

-Your grandmother had such beautiful taste but I'm hoping to re-make it into my own. Be especially sensitive about heirlooms. You can always take original stones and and have them re-set.

-I'm allergic to yellow gold/poky prongs/etc.

-The ring doesn't fit right on my finger/looks funny with my chubby/skinny/knuckly fingers.

Or our favorite "honesty is the best policy" option:

-It's so thoughtful and beautiful, but doesn't fit me personally. What do you think about changing the setting a little? Don't forget I love you.

Sometimes you just can't love what isn't YOU. And you is difficult to define, so we'll give the guy a gentle break, it's not his fault. But speak now or forever hold your peace, some places have a 30 day return policy.

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