As A WASP And A Jew, What's A Girl To Do?

I was born a WASP and a Jew which means I'm both at the same time yet neither fully one nor the other. A cultural epicene. Complex, contradictory and conflicted, I carry with me all the baggage of someone who's had to ponder the existential question: If I had been living in Berlin, in 1939, would I have turned myself into the Gestapo?

My mother is the Jew. She raised us with a healthy understanding that our heritage includes eating your way through guilt, using Yiddish expressions laced with a hint of Brooklynese (even though we never lived near Brooklyn), expressing your emotions ("geshtalting") whenever and wherever possible, and blowing things out of proportion so that anything that wasn't a big deal (like a fever) became a huge deal (needs medical attention) and anything that was a huge deal (getting your first period) became a monumental deal (let's throw a getting-your-first-period party and inviting everyone the neighborhood to celebrate).

My father is the WASP. He raised us with a healthy understanding that our heritage includes drinking your way through guilt, avoiding any topic of conversation that could lead a person to accidentally express an emotion of any sort, and wearing whale or lobster-embossed corduroy pants without a whiff of sartorial irony.

With all their differences, my parents were somehow attracted to each other rather than repelled. I chalk it up to the late 60's when idealism was in vogue and tradition, once the backbone of civilization, was treated more like a passing fad and considered less whimsical than pet rocks but taken not quite so seriously as EST.

As a byproduct of my parents' youthful rebellion/religio-cultural experiment, I've had to learn to synergize their Old and New Testament identities into a more mutually dependent relationship - much like olive oil and balsamic vinegar, relativity and string theory, or Van Halen and David Lee Roth. But considering the way Van Halen broke up, I can't be sure if this pairing is a recipe for disaster or success.

The confounding complementary incongruities of my nature have lead me to compile a list of WASPy Jewish (or Jewy WASPish) traits in the hope that if you recognize these qualities in another, you'll sidle them up to the bar and buy them a shot of Manishevitz - for life as a cultural epicene, while interesting, is not without its challenges.

WASPy Jews:
- Feel ashamed about sex and guilty about everything else.
- Are neurotic that they're not neurotic enough.
- Drink a lot of Virgin Marys.
- Think money is a taboo subject, unless we're talking rent control.
- Think the greatest character of all time is "Welcome Back Kotter's" Juan Epstein.
- Eat a lot of roast beef, but only on white bread with mayonnaise.
- Belong to country clubs where the bar is small and the buffet is huge.
- Monogram initials on button-down shirts in Hebrew.
- Are reserved about being over-bearing.
- Will sleep with someone even though they're not in love, but when they do fall in love, stop sleeping with them altogether.
- Put a Star of David on top of their Christmas trees.
- Play sports well, but only tennis, squash or golf.
- Have a lot of sex, but only missionary style with the lights off.

Comments

[Theda]

People with mixed ancestry are beautiful. But let's do away with the personality stereotypes!

[Theda]

My ex-husband is Jewish....­..I'm not......a­nd HE'S the one who would "avoid any topic of conversation that could lead a person to accidentally express an emotion of any sort."
Not me.
So this isn't always a WASP type of personality trait.

[Octoberluna]

Might I just add that as a Canadian I am priveledged to be decended from people of just about every nation and as a result have not one culture to call my own - talk about your lost people, we mutts are all so very confused!

[LMPE]

I'm of Jewish-Sco­ttish-Iris­h descent, raised in Portland. While I know quite a bit about my ancestry, I mostly stick to the "Keep Portland Weird!" mentality.

[Chrysta Weingart]

I can relate to this article so well. I think my name says it all. Chrysta Weingart?

[mredder4]

Individuals from mixed ancestry like this should begin to feel proud to own and define their own existences. I understand that there's a level of humor to this post, but studies have shown that mixed couples (mixed race, religion, etc) will produce the biggest demographic gains going into the future. But "mixed" still references the old labels of the past, the ones that are becoming obsolete. I think it's up to society to come up with a more positive phrase for this growing population.