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Emily V. Gordon

Entries by Emily V. Gordon

You've Decided To Leave Your Spouse -- Now What?

(128) Comments | Posted May 31, 2012 | 2:30 AM

You've hemmed and hawed. Maybe you've been in counseling for months; maybe you've just been quietly observing -- unable to believe it -- as your marriage disintegrated into ignored conversations and diverging lives. No matter the situation, you've decided that you want a separation. (I'm assuming, by the way, that...

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The Most Popular Offenses in Wedding Planning, and How to Deal With Them

(71) Comments | Posted December 9, 2011 | 3:06 AM

Your wedding day is supposed to be your big day, and yet a lot of engaged couples find that instead of creating an event that will be important to them, they're dodging through a minefield of modern etiquette traps. It's hard to know how to handle a life event with...

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What Marriage Will And Won't Change

(15) Comments | Posted October 24, 2011 | 10:04 AM

People get married for a wide array of reasons, and have all sorts of expectations of how marriage will change the relationship. And while it's true that turning the person you're dating into a legal partner does affect certain things, those who expect marriage to be a cure-all for all...

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What Should You Do With Your Marriage Stuff, Post-Marriage?

(6) Comments | Posted September 28, 2011 | 12:30 PM

I visited a friend recently whose divorce was finalized about four months ago. Her new apartment was gleaming, and like herself, a work in progress. She said she felt like she had everything sorted out, finally, except one thing: wedding stuff. She opened a closet to reveal a wedding dress,...

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You're Divorced, Not Broken

(17) Comments | Posted August 24, 2011 | 12:24 PM

Dear Recent/Non-Recent Divorcees,

Divorce is one of the most destructive, emotionally traumatic experiences a human being can go through, no matter if you're the instigator or the recipient. It's hard, and it hurts, and it takes a long time to feel normal again.

But if no one's told you...

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Eight Tips on Keeping Work From Being the Death of Your Relationship

(47) Comments | Posted August 8, 2011 | 12:48 PM

I know at least three couples who have split up recently because of work. No cheating, no fighting, but rather one or both parties in the relationship burying themselves in their careers to the point of letting everything else around them slip away. It's been a sad thing to observe....

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Weinergate and the Issue of Infidelity in a New Marriage

(13) Comments | Posted June 7, 2011 | 2:45 PM

In July of 2010, Congressman Anthony Weiner married Huma Abedin, close friend and aide to Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton. In May of 2011, Weiner accidentally tweeted a picture of his crotch--rather than sending it privately to a woman as a direct message--sparking Weinergate, a scandal that Weiner finally...

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Communication, Expectations, and the Key to Avoiding Divorce

(7) Comments | Posted May 26, 2011 | 11:27 AM

What do you expect from a spouse? I don't mean lofty things like "unconditional love" or "to honor me above all", but rather, what concrete behaviors do you expect your spouse to perform on a daily basis? What do you think your spouse should do if you're angry, and maybe...

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Taming the Post-Split Sexuality

(41) Comments | Posted May 2, 2011 | 12:41 PM

Nothing makes a girl feel as unsexy as divorce.

As my marriage was slowly dissolving into silent meals and awkward nights of avoiding conversation, I started pondering an unmarried future, and wondered if I'd ever be able to hack being single again. I'd gone up and down in attractiveness...

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Did You Know, Deep Down, That You'd Get Divorced One Day?

(491) Comments | Posted April 4, 2011 | 9:25 AM

While at a recent fun dinner, some acquaintances and I were surprised to discover that three out of seven of us had been divorced. Some of us were remarried, some were freshly uncoupled, some were dating, and as the night got more and more dishy, one of the non-divorcees asked...

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Ghosts of Marriages Past

(5) Comments | Posted March 2, 2011 | 10:45 AM

Recently an issue came up between my husband and I that probably would have looked mundane to an outsider--basically, we were both under a lot of stress and we found ourselves decompressing separately. We weren't upset with each other at all, we just had a few long days and we...

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How Do You Regain Trust After Being Betrayed?

(27) Comments | Posted February 11, 2011 | 12:56 AM

If you've had a marriage that ended because of a betrayal in trust on your spouse's behalf, the idea of trusting another person with your heart can seem completely ridiculous. You may feel hurt, embarrassed, angry, and miserable, and it may be hard to comprehend ever getting over it.


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Is Post-Ex Sex Ever Okay?

(81) Comments | Posted February 7, 2011 | 3:36 AM

I once counseled a married couple who came in to therapy in the middle of their divorce process. They didn't have any children but wanted to remain friends, and they wanted me to facilitate an amicable divorce, which was hard given how completely they seemed to hate each other. These...

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Quick Remarriages, Gender, and How We Treat Our Divorcées

(95) Comments | Posted January 20, 2011 | 2:55 PM

In Hollywood, it seems that the people least successful at being married are the ones most eager to tie the knot, over and over again.

On the heels of today's news that Jesse James is planning on marrying Kat Von D, an announcement that comes less than...

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5 Things Every Newly Single Woman Must Do and 5 Things Every Newly Single Woman Must Not Do

(22) Comments | Posted January 14, 2011 | 2:56 AM

The period that directly follows the dissolution of a long term relationship is extremely volatile, with emotions running the gamut from misery to elation to relief to terror. Part of the process is reconfiguring yourself as a newly single person after years of being half of a twosome. It's a...

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Marriage, Remarriage, and Feminism

(17) Comments | Posted January 3, 2011 | 11:03 AM

When I was young and less wise, I thought that being a feminist meant being independent. It meant not sacrificing your needs for anyone else's, and not relying on anyone else for even a smidgen of your happiness or well being. This is not what classes in women's studies taught...

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When Do You Bring Up Being Divorced on Dates?

(1) Comments | Posted December 15, 2010 | 11:15 AM

First dates should be for flirty banter and amusing stories while being bathed in candlelight, but what do you do when divulging the very basics about yourself involves rehashing an intense story of recent heartbreak and separation?

Welcome to the treacherous waters of the divorcee who is back in...

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One Woman's Story of How She Dropped the D-Word

(16) Comments | Posted December 9, 2010 | 9:42 AM

Things had been not great for a while when I started thinking about leaving him. We weren't fighting, we weren't at each others' throats, we both just seemed to be getting casual with our marriage. So it didn't surprise me that when I said "I'm just not happy with this...

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Is It Your Weekend with the Kids? Here Are Some Tips

(2) Comments | Posted November 30, 2010 | 8:16 AM

For parents who share custody of their children, here are a few thoughts on how to make visiting weekends with your kids as enjoyable and comfortable as possible.

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Lessons I learned From My Divorce

(8) Comments | Posted November 18, 2010 | 2:02 PM

Divorces, like snowflakes, are each one unique in the havoc they wreak on our lives. I am somewhat grateful to the disintegration of my marriage for teaching me a lot about myself and about relationships, and though I wish it hadn't been such a taxing lesson, I wouldn't change a...

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