"Look, you're not ready to have a baby."
This is the message that blogger (and fairly-new mom) Tracy Moore spells out for readers in her recent piece on Jezebel -- specifically those thinking about having children in the not-too-distant future:
Ready!? Pshaw! Anyone who thinks they are actually ready to stare this beast directly in the eyes isn't wearing her cervical thinkin' cap. It's like, can you be "ready" for a cyclone? Can you be "ready" for the moon? Can you be "ready" for a dinosaur eating a cupcake?
Moore goes on to suggest a list of drills that future parents should undertake to test their own preparedness for the rigors of child-rearing. These include:
--Wake up every two hours at night, punch yourself in the face, walk around for 28 minutes pleading in jibberish. Go back to "sleep." Repeat.
--Socialize with friends in 18-second increments.
--Practice asking for the check, boxing up your food and exiting a restaurant in under sixty seconds -- two bites into the meal.
--Watch 38% of any film or television show; never see the ending or resolution.
--Hire a makeup artist to make you up to look 10 years older. Look at yourself in the mirror, then laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry. Do not go get a drink.
--Imagine a mental written list of your responsibilities for each day, tear it in half, burn one piece, take a (literal) sh*t on the other one. (Sorry.)
Reading this tongue-in-cheek (sort of) "you'll never really be prepared to have kids" blog got the me thinking about all the reasons that it's awesome to NOT have kids. I personally would like to have children at some point down the line (at least I'm pretty sure), but right now I'm content to live a life that just wouldn't be possible if I was financially and emotionally responsible for another human being.
Here's a (totally not exhaustive) list of reasons that I don't have kids right now:
1. I love being able to grab a drink( or two) with my co-workers after leaving the office -- and not feeling guilty if I get back to my apartment a little tipsy at a slightly inappropriate hour for a weekday.
2. I love living in New York City. I live in Manhattan in a lovely but small space. Where would I even put a crib? On the fire escape?
3. I never need to think about hiring a babysitter or worrying about whether said 16-year-old babysitter is a sane/responsible human being.
4. The ability to make last minute plans. On Saturday mornings I can sleep in as late as I want. When I do leave the house, I can pop over to a museum or Central Park or see a movie or have brunch, and I can decide on one -- or none -- of those things at the drop of a hat.
5. Provided I have the funds, and give my bosses a reasonable amount of heads up, I can go on vacation whenever and wherever I want.
6. I can have a spontaneous dance party at 1 a.m. in my apartment and not worry about waking anyone up.
7. My money is my own. Period.
Now let's hear from you. If you're a woman without children -- regardless of whether you see yourself having them at some point or never want them -- tell us why. What do you love most about not having kids? Tweet @HuffPostWomen using the hashtag #NotNowBaby. We'll compile your responses in a slideshow here!
LOOK: Why You're Saying #NotNowBaby
Follow Emma Gray on Twitter: www.twitter.com/emmaladyrose