OH, CANADA! The Great White North is where our fair Bachelor and his nine remaining underdressed love interests headed during Part 2 of this week's episode -- that's right, we got treated to four hours of "The Bachelor" this week. (You can read the recap of Part 1 here.) "I love Canada," says Sean, when we first see him staring into the distant wild at Banff National Park. And as Chris Harrison helpfully informs us (and the ladies) it's "one of the most beautiful, most romantic places in the Canadian Rockies"! Oh boy!
As the women wax poetic about Lake Louise and how "it screams romance," a date card arrives, and Catherine gets the first one-on-one.
Nothing Says Love Like A Puffy Onesie
Catherine gets dropped off in the middle of what looks like a small blizzard, dressed only in an anorak. Unsurprisingly, she doesn't look thrilled. Catherine, girl, it's time for some tough love. I know you're from Seattle, but as someone who lived in Canada for four years, you need a down coat. Run, do not walk, to your nearest Canada Goose retailer and pick one up.
Luckily, before she can freeze, Sean arrives in a Canadian flag-adorned snow bus and provides her with a red down onesie. Catherine thinks he looks "rugged." They drive the bus around for awhile, awkwardly bounce up and down, attempt to sled and make some adorable snow angels. "I never get cold when I'm with him," Catherine says. (Sorry C, but that's not him -- that's the snowsuit you're now wearing.) All in all they seem to have a great time, although Sean's super red face makes it very clear that he belongs in Texas, not Alberta.
They finally change out of their onesies, and Catherine again forgets to put on a coat. Then in true "we think our show is a modern fairy tale" fashion, the couple rides in a carriage to a real-life ice castle complete with champagne, a non-ice couch and a fire. (OK, I'll give this one to you "Bachelor" producers, it was pretty cool.) "It just clicks with you," says Sean, who is obviously smitten. Cue the "opening up" sesh. Catherine tells Sean about her "serious side" which includes seeing a girl get crushed by a tree when she was 12 at summer camp. Apparently, this traumatizing experience taught her that her biggest goal in life was to "be in love and have a family." Sean wants to make sure Catherine feels special, like REALLY special ... so he gives her a rose. "Catherine has melted my heart," says Sean. (Ding ding ding! First awful cold-weather=romance metaphor of the night!)
Getting Hypothermia Is Pretty Tierrable
Tierra, Sarah, AshLee, Lindsay, Selma, Lesley and Daniella get the group date and are invited to "bare [their] souls." Daniella is really confused because she hasn't gotten a one-on-one and everyone else has. (It's not that confusing, D. Read "He's Just Not That Into You" and let's talk after.) Sean hopes that he left all the "drama" behind last week, proving yet again that he's never watched the show he's on.
The group jumps into canoes (Lesley snags the spot in Sean's boat) and take a leisurely ride across the lake. Sarah still has only one arm, and that still doesn't stop her, Sean wants Lesley to let him "be the man," and Selma hopes a lake shark eats Lesley's boat. Once they get to their destination, Tierra thinks they deserve a fire and s'mores, but Sean wants them to "embrace Canada" and do the Polar Bear Plunge -- a.k.a. submerge themselves in almost-freezing water in their bikinis. Lindsay is excited, but Selma is less-than-thrilled about risking hypothermia for a rose. Sean tries to convince her otherwise, but she stays strong and promises to cheer him on. "He was like 'this is a once in a lifetime opportunity,'" Selma says. "No it's not! I can come back and do this anytime. I don't want to this." +5, Selma. Everyone else tears off their white robes (the return of #ShirtlessSean!) and jumps in and out. While most of the girls are warming up and feeling really awesome, Tierra starts looking loopy and buckles over with possible hypothermia. Sean feels "helpless" and the standby-EMTs take over. Welcome to medical emergency #3! Maybe you should consider putting a moratorium on the "Fear Factor" dates, Sean.
Tierra's first hypothermia-ridden words are "I missed time with him." While she gets hooked up to an oxygen machine and has medical personnel giving her food and drying her hair and wiping the mascara off her face, the other women are cheering and talking about what an incredible day they had. Sean goes to visit Tierra in bed, and she jokes about how he "better marry her" now. (Sean, if that's not a red flag, I don't know what is.) They decide that Tierra should skip out on the nighttime part of the date so that she can recuperate.
The other women are understandably thrilled that Tierra isn't at their post-plunge soiree. Specifically:
--Lesley is really glad she got to jump in the lake with Sean. She also "loves love." Sean "appreciates" her. Oy.
--Sarah makes the fatal mistake of faux-introducing Sean to her family through photos. He says she's "sweet" and thinks its potentially "scary" to meet her fam. That doesn't bode well for Sarah.
--We cut to Tierra who is doing her makeup in a white robe in the hall and dousing herself with perfume. She's gonna see Sean no matter what! Frozen feet and legs be damned!
--"Everybody watch your back, we have a Tierra-rist on our hands," says Lesley, when T shows up. Lindsay suggests she "run down the stairs, jump in an ice bucket of water and try to be nice."
--Sean pulls Tierra aside while she continues to whine about her injuries. Lindsay interrupts their one-on-one time to make out with Sean.
--Lesley gets the rose, but obviously Tierra thinks she actually deserves it.
"The Hardest Decision" Sean's Ever Made
Sean realizes that he doesn't see a "forever" with Sarah. Because she's so "sweet" (note: stop calling women you're about to dump "sweet") he goes back to the ladies' hotel room and pulls her aside to break up with her. He feels like he's been trying to force it with her, and he doesn't want her to wait around two more days for a rose ceremony. Sarah is genuinely hurt, but predictably keeps it classy. The whole think is actually just sad, and I think this is the worst I've ever felt for a "Bachelor" contestant. (To their credit, the other girls seem genuinely sad to see her go as well.) "I just don't want to be told forever how great I am," she says. Producers! Make this woman the next "Bachelorette"!
Teepees Have Never Been So Romantic
Desiree snags the last one-on-one date of the week and is treated to a beautiful hike ... and then repelling down a 400-foot cliff to a picnic. See everyone? Sean is still "outdoorsy." Des is terrified and hopes she doesn't die but manages to turn the adventure into a well-timed awful metaphor. "Repelling down the mountain was seriously like a relationship," she says. After taking "risks" and "conquering" challenges and "opening her heart," Des makes it to the bottom. They have a picnic and climb a tree and make out in that tree.
Eventually, they move from the tree to a teepee, and Sean has changed into an inexplicable sweater which I can only imagine he purchased for an Ugly Sweater Party. Des opens up and reveals that she grew up without much money and lived in a trailer park, tents and small apartments for much of her childhood. Because of her childhood and her amazing parents, she just wants a house full of love. And Sean totally wants that too! So he gives her the rose! Then Desiree utters the best/worst written-by-producers line of the show: "I opened up about spending some of my life living in a tent and here I am, falling in love in a teepee."
In Case You Weren't Sure, Canada Is Great
The cocktail party is fairly predictable: Tierra is pouting, Selma has the most insane cleavage I've ever seen, Sean is optimistic and Canada is fantastic! Sean says that each rose he gives out means that he could see himself raising a family with the recipient.
--Selma asks her mama to forgive her, brings shame to her family and gives Sean the most chaste kiss in "Bachelor" history.
--Lindsay's baby voice continues to be grating and she insists that she and Sean actually talk for 10 minutes instead of making out. The pair giggles and chats and clearly has chemistry. Sean thinks Lindz is the "total package."
--AshLee tries to "relinquish control" and gives Sean a scarf to blindfold her and "lead" her, in a move that's a little too reminiscent of "Fifty Shades." The blindfold stays on even throughout their intense make-out session. "I moved the mountain and Sean stood on the other side," she says.
--Chris Harrison steals Sean away for some serious decision-making.
Another Three Bite The Dust
SAFE: (Catherine, Lesley, Desiree have roses) Lindsay, AshLee, Tierra
ELIMINATED: Selma, Daniella
It's a little shady that Sean let Selma kiss him and shame her family on national TV and then doesn't even apologize. But I'm pretty sure that Selma will be fine. She seems like she can take care of herself. Daniella is in shock that she got the boot, but no one watching is. Both women hold it together fairly well when they exit.
Sean says he knew his final six were the six for him. So now they're going to the tropical and romantic destination of St. Croix!
Next Week In St. Croix...
St. Croix yelling! Tropics! Dancing! Jumping off boats! Kissing! Lesley's falling in love! So is Tierra! So is AshLee! Tierra isn't fans of the girls! AshLee said something to Sean about Tierra! Tierra is above everyone else! Tierra's not rude! Tierra's not perfect! Tierra fake cries! Everyone's out to get her!
Shirtless Sean Count: 1
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