Rosie and Kelli Split and Remind Us About the Fight For Gay Divorce

Celebrity gossip is not the first place I go for news, but sometimes the human experience is necessary to help us understand political reality. And what better group of people to watch than those circling the exciting world of Hollywood?

So when the news hit yesterday that Rosie O'Donnell and wife Kelli Carpenter have split, I couldn't help but think about how the fight for gay marriage often ignores the very real rights we haven't got when it comes to gay divorce.

It's one thing to say that a loving committed relationship needs the institutional and social support marriage provides, but when two people split after years together, the law really becomes central to their survival.

If you are a same-sex couple resident in Montana and you take a vacation to Toronto to get married you have a legal piece of paper (though not recognized in your home state) and the affirmation (though not from your own country) of your love and commitment.

But what if you decide, years later, that - like half of the American population - you are no longer in love with each other?

As a resident of Montana, you cannot get a divorce in Toronto. Toronto, like most states with the exception of Nevada and a few others, has a year-long residency requirement for a divorce. In Montana, your relationship was never legally any different from two roommates. And so, you must complete a divorce, with all its entanglements and difficulties, without the assistance of the law.

Things are very different for straight couples.

Family law protects individuals in a lasting relationship from economic exploitation and destitution after a split. When one half of the relationship has not worked, but contributed to the lifestyle of the other half, the law orders spousal support. When one half of the couple has lived in a house owned by the other half for a long period of time, the property is considered a marital home and both individuals may lay claim to it. There are rules about how to deal with the financial burden of children, the shared financial liabilities of the relationship and the shared assets.

Rosie and Kelli are in the midst of a pretty normal problem. It is so normal, entire legal schemes exist to assist with the process of separation. But these legal protections, like so many others, leave LGBT people out.

So, here's to the fight for gay marriage. But let us not also forget the fight for gay divorce. It is when we are at our most vulnerable that we require the protection of law.

Follow Emma Ruby-Sachs on Twitter: www.twitter.com/EmmaRubySachs

Comments

[jecainfl]

pre marrige contracts, I would bet they have one, its not gay or straight, its the times

[livinCalDemtbubble]

I don't notice it in this article, but I believe Rosie and Kelly have children. Divorce is bad for children, that's just the facts. For the sake of the children, they should work things out. Marriage and children are not something to do, they are lifetime committments.

[CydMiller]

I really think its time to take our focus off of the two prominent, yet narrowly scripted GLBT issues: 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' and 'Marriage'. We should be fighting for equal rights for all. GLBT and straight people have the same rights A to Z. Keep it Simple. Now that's something to get excited about and fight for endlessly.

[xenas mom]

Yes!

[ntrepid]

While I can't stand Rosie O'Donnell as a "persona" and saw this as a complete publicity stunt when, at the time, their marriage was not valid anywhere but California. I still hope they can work things out. As others have posted, being Gay brings many more negative issues to one's life. Btw, I'm a married Gay man in California. A Gay marriage also has more external pressures and negative influences than a "str8" marriage. Example, my old school Republican parents were thrilled to attend our wedding. They both adore my husband. They also think it's our right as citizens and nobody else's business if we are married. My "mother-in-law on the other hand... well, she's the stereotypical mother-in-law... only it galls her even more that I am a man. My father-in-law thinks it's great and he's happy for me and his son. Anyway, I hope Rosie and Kelli can work it out. Especially for the kid's sake.
Why can't people just mind their own damn business and leave others alone?

[norepublicanleftbehind]

Bummer. Hope you can work it out.

[9liberal]

I hope they work things out too. This makes me sad.

[stormy7]

I hope Rosie and Kelly work things out. They still love each other but it takes more than love to make it work..
I'm sending positive thoughts their way.

[greymen]

They did have one of the marriages still legal in Cali, so they will be offered normal divorce processes. The Greymen, another of the couples, do appreciate the comments about Montana and other discriminatory states.

[Alex Leo - Huffpost Blogger]

Emma Ruby-Sachs is a national treasure.

[norepublicanleftbehind]

She is pretty cool.

[SonofLiberty1]

Funny, didn't they just get married?


What's so great about gay marriage?

I'm betting diorce rates are higher

[Hajji]

I'm betting you're wrong.

Gay couples who marry go through so much more "trial by fire" from their families, their neighborhoods, their communities and their State's legal institution before they wed. It is my personal experience that gay couples who commit through ceremony or legal contract tend to stay together longer than those from opposite-gender marriages.

[Liberal Angel]

Equality is what's so great about gay marriage. We deserve to be equal citizens in our own damn country.

[maxfax]

Yes you do. That goes for health care, we deserve that from our own damn country too.

[ohmemercylard]

i'm betting they're exactly the same.

[aftershock]

"I'm betting diorce rates are higher"

Uh huh... that's why MA has the lowest divorce rate in the nation while your backwater South states that forbid even civil unions have the highest.

[halfitaliangirl]

If people (citizens and lawmakers) looked at marriage -- regardless of a person's sexuality -- as a civil rather than a religious issue, then everyone would be able to have all the same protections under the law. We'll get there, it will just take some people longer than others.

To Rosie and Kelli, I wish you all the best. I really hope you can make it work.

[betrayed1]

Too bad Obama isn't in his second term. Than he would do what he thought was right, rather than what will get him reelected. It is also too bad Obam takes gay people for granted. As long as he is going to get their votes anyway, why bother paying attention to their concerns. He will certainly say the right things to a targeted audience, but don't expect him to keep his promises with decisive action. Obama is nothing more than a really charming political hack who will do whatever he needs to to get reelected. The fact that there is not more anger at Obam over this just shows how much you don't amtter to him.

[halfitaliangirl]

What the heck does this have to do with Obama? Is that all you think about, how to work Obama into your comments?

[honoursplendor]

I would say, yes.

[PlaceboStudman]

This is a no brainer, and should be to most people. The rules for marriage and divorce eligibility should be identical for same gender couples as they are for opposite gender couples.

The fact that there ARE different rules for same and opposite gender consenting adult couples is completely perplexing to me

[Chlowina]

I am saddened to hear they have split. They were together longer then most couples and have several children together. I pray the "divorce" will be gentle on both of them and the kids.