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Emmett Rensin
Emmett Rensin is an author based in Chicago, IL. He made his professional debut in 2009 as the author of Twitterature: The World's Greatest Works in Twenty Tweets or Less, a piece of debatable-brow comedy that proved an international bestseller. Since then, he has written in various mediums, most recently as a playwright. He graduated the University of Chicago in 2012.

Entries by Emmett Rensin

Kickstart the Greek Economy

(0) Comments | Posted October 13, 2013 | 3:43 PM

Note: This is part two of a series of middle-brow Kickstarter jokes. Part one can be found here


Years of economic disaster, revolution in the streets, immigrants and transsexuals thrown into open-air prisons, and now a massive...

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Kickstart Me Up

(0) Comments | Posted October 8, 2013 | 8:21 PM


Truth be told, they may be gathering a little moss after all.

While it's been a good year for the Rolling Stones -- a smashing concert at the Glastonbury Festival in England, the 40th birthday of their seminal, triple-platinum LP, Goat's Head Soup, and...

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Citizen Militia Liberates Small Town From Tyrannical Government

(3) Comments | Posted August 8, 2013 | 11:31 AM

A profanity-laced YouTube video. An overcaffeinated armed militia. Neo-Nazis, cries of "Obamanation!" and an unhinged police chief who publicly threatens the lives and safety of those who challenge his gun-loving ways. Say hello to the tiny hamlet of Gilberton, Pennsylvania, which convincingly answers the question: What happens when the Liberty...

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To (All) the Colleges That Accepted Me

(6) Comments | Posted April 12, 2013 | 2:08 PM

Like me (way back in 2008) millions of high-school seniors with little or no serious qualifications are asking themselves this week how they possibly managed to get into the colleges of their dreams. Was there some kind of mistake? Another applicant with a stellar resume and a very similar name?...

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Nirvana in the Supermarket, DOMA on the Line

(2) Comments | Posted March 27, 2013 | 1:20 PM

I'm writing this from a north side branch of the Chicago Public Library. Across from me there's a poster on the wall: two people about to kiss, a padlock chain around them; underneath, a list of famous books banned for having sex in them. 'Read a Banned Book!' the caption...

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Heroes and Victims

(11) Comments | Posted March 4, 2013 | 9:22 PM

A six-month-old story in the British Daily Mail has been popping up all over my Facebook feed lately. It's about a photograph that Julian Assange believes will clear his name of the sexual assault allegations he faces in Sweden.

From the Mail:

It seems an unremarkable image:...
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Pope Admits 'Serious Doubts About This Whole Organized Religion Thing,' Announces Resignation

(2) Comments | Posted February 12, 2013 | 10:47 AM

VATICAN CITY --- After a long night reading the complete works of Christopher Hitchens, binge drinking and googling "proof for God," Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation yesterday, effective February 28th.

The 85-year-old Pontiff, the first to voluntarily resign since 1294 AD, cited health concerns as well a long, difficulty...

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White Girls

(10) Comments | Posted January 31, 2013 | 4:05 PM

In the usual course of American culture, when a new generation begins to reach artistic maturity and makes its first thrusts into the mainstream, the routine goes something like this:

  • [New work] is created by {new generation}.
  • After making its debut, [new work] is quickly denounced by {old generation},...
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A Mirror, Darkly

(10) Comments | Posted January 14, 2013 | 5:42 PM

By now, everybody on the Internet has viewed, re-viewed, re-blogged and gleefully mocked Alex Jones' Karl Rove-dwarfing meltdown on Piers Morgan last week. Everybody on the Internet, as it turns out, includes former FOX News superstar and BlazeTV founder Glenn Beck.

I subscribe to a lot of conservative newsfeeds...

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The Founding Prophets

(1) Comments | Posted January 2, 2013 | 5:15 PM

Well it looks like we're debating The Constitution again.

With the shock, mourning, and unavoidable posturing about video games and rap music finally behind us, the debate around the tragedy at Sandy Hook has taken its inevitable turn toward the second amendment. In the fact of this most recent horror,...

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OK, I Think I'm Ready to Talk About Aurora Now

(4) Comments | Posted December 17, 2012 | 1:06 AM

I'm calm. I've had time to reflect. The victims have been mourned, and nobody could accuse me of jumping to conclusions. The moment has cooled. The election is over. I've even waited an extra two months to make extra-double sure I wasn't politicizing the tragedy. I've let many moments pass...

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'Twitterature': U Chicago Undergrad Duo Inadvertently End Western Civilization With New Book

(6) Comments | Posted January 7, 2010 | 1:26 PM

CHICAGO: January 7, 2010

After more than three thousand years of ceaseless human progress, Western Civilization reportedly died this week from injuries to its most vital of organs: Literature.

According to highly-placed sources in the usual academic and knee-jerk communities, "Twitterature," a just-published book by two 19-year-old U Chicago...

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Hipster Joins Marines, Wins Purple Heart In Ultimate Act Of Irony

(11) Comments | Posted June 1, 2009 | 4:26 PM

NEW YORK -- In a ceremony at Federal Hall today, U.S. Marine Corp. sergeant and Iraq War veteran Joshua Cohen accepted the Purple Heart in what is being hailed as the ultimate act of hipster irony.

Cohen, a 6'1, 175 lb. Brooklyn-based amateur photographer, says he first got the idea...

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God is My Boyfriend

(5) Comments | Posted October 27, 2006 | 8:25 PM

The release of Sam Harris' latest book, Letter to a Christian Nation, and its climb up the bestseller list, continues to feed the national firestorm surrounding our relationships (or lack thereof) with the Lord Almighty. Everyone seems to have a take on the high and low points of our intimacy...

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