New Year's resolutions are tricky. The problem is usually in the ambitious wording of your resolution. You have to think like a lawyer. It's all in the language.
"I'm going to be nicer to people." With the Internet, you can be nice from the comfort and safety of your bedroom. And you don't have to mean it. "Your baby's so cute!" See, it's easy!
"I'm going to watch my weight." Whelp, I'm watching it. Still rising.
There it is.
solidcolours via Getty Images
Advertisement
"I'm going to eat healthier." One Big Mac on New Year's day is healthier than the two I ate New Year's Eve. Boom, hello, new me!
"I'm going to spend more time thinking of others." Until they can get in your head and read your thoughts, this resolution is as good as completed.
"I'm gonna look at more art." Art is one of the ultimate lazy person's pastimes. Not only is it simply pointing your eyeballs at something, you're also not required to understand anything. It's all about what you feel, and that includes feeling lazy.
Lazy. And educational, probably!
Ingolf Pompe / LOOK-foto via Getty Images
Advertisement
"I'm going to get more sleep." LOL!
"I'm going to get more involved in my community." Sounds daunting, right? Ever picked up litter? Well, that counts. At the very least, post a photo of the litter on Instagram with a message railing against litterers. People will assume you picked it up. You didn't, of course.
"I'm going to appreciate my significant other more." Do you have a phone? Do you have the number of a florist? Your job is done here.
Aww, so cute. So lazy.
Dynamic Graphics via Getty Images
"I'm going to donate more to charity." Next time you swipe your card at a store and it gives you the option to donate a dollar to a charity, go ahead and hit that button on the touchpad. When it naturally doesn't register, hit it repeatedly, before finally giving up and using that tethered stylus. You're like the Millennial Mother Teresa.
"I'm going to exercise more." This one is perhaps the trickiest. Exercise, by its very nature, is not lazy. But have you heard the saying, "It take more muscles to frown than to smile"? Meaning smiling is easier. But in this case, you're trying to burn calories, so frown constantly, and watch the fat melt off! While you're at it, maybe throw in a few tears and get rid of that excess water weight!
Advertisement
You're ready for beach season!
Andreas Kuehn via Getty Images
Warning: Changes may result in the inability to easily recognize the beautiful, accomplished new you in mirrors, darkened windows, deep ponds or other reflective surfaces. Don't be afraid.
Also on HuffPost:
Gifts For Lazy People
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
