Rihanna recently took to Instagram to let the world know her thoughts on her former beaus. Her message read “None of my exs are married or in happy relationships so it’s safe to say that I wasn’t da problem lol.” This sends a clear message that she refuses to be the scapegoat in the failure of her past relationships.
Women are relational by nature and often take on the brunt of the responsibility for the success of their intimate relationships. This often leads to insecurities and a blow to the self-esteem when things do not work out. After each failed relationship comes the “what did I do wrong?” “Why didn’t I see this coming” or the so popular “I need to work on myself.” In my clinical practice I do promote self-reflection and accountability in relationships; however there are times when a woman assumes the blame in totality when there is plenty to go around!
I propose that women need to take a page from Rihanna’s playbook. I do not recommend following anyone’s antics step by step and by no means glorify her relationship path, but you can definitely be inspired by a couple of her moves.
Here are some of the philosophies that she has adopted that should be considered:
1. Stop giving the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. As you can infer from Rihanna’s recent Instagram post, she does not automatically assume responsibility for the deterioration of a relationship. Do not pretend that you have been an angel, but if you have identified issues with your mate be transparent in discussing them during or at the ending of the relationship.
2. Walk away when not being treated the way you deserve. Most people have stayed in a relationship past the expiration date, but there are others that remain in an unhealthy situation for a long period of time. You have to own up to any inappropriate choices you made when selecting a companion, but once you recognize their faults it is time to take action. Either demand to be treated right or hit the road.
3. Identify when you are “too good” for a situation. Sung ever so eloquently by Drake and Rihanna “I am way too good to you.” Sometimes you are bringing more to the table than you are getting in return, and that is never healthy. Relationships are about compromise, so if you are not experiencing a give and take then you need to reevaluate.
Rihanna may not always make the best decisions in relationships, but in the end she seems to figure out how to take care of her. Maybe we can all use a little bit of that…
The opinions expressed here are solely my own as a psychiatrist and public health advocate. I receive no support from any pharmaceutical or device company.
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