This story originally appeared on: Pucker Mob
The weight of my father’s death is heaviest in June. This Father’s Day will be my second father’s day as a fatherless daughter. The Hallmark store pretty much set up their Father’s Day display on Mother’s Day. My inbox is constantly reminding me that there are amazing unbeatable Father’s Day sales and I still have time to find the perfect gift for Dad. From Mother’s Day until Father’s Day it’s as if I’m walking in a thick fog dazed and confused. I cannot escape the holiday that brings me horrific, gut wrenching debilitating pain.
As time goes on I miss the little things and desperately yearn to hear my Dad’s voice just one more time, to hug him one more time, to tell him “I love you Dad” just one more time. I miss all the things I knew I would miss about him, his kindness, his advice, his unconditional love and his wisdom. But most of all I miss how my father had this unique ability to celebrate life.
Losing a parent is a life changing, painful experience; it is even more gut wrenching if you were close to the parent. When you lose a parent you lose an enormous piece of yourself.
My Dad died after a long, horrific battle with Stage IV base of the tongue cancer. I’m still reeling from being given front row seats to my father’s pain and suffering. No one should ever have to watch a loved one scream in pain. We never invited cancer into our family, but cancer came into our family like a bull in a china shop. Cancer slowly stole pieces of my father until he was unrecognizable and unable to leave the house. It was hell to watch my larger than life father wither away into a frail cancer patient before my eyes. Watching your father die is excruciating, watching your father die when you are a daddy’s girl is torture.
I could sit back and boycott Father’s Day for the rest of my life. I could feel sorry for myself. After all, the star of the show is gone so there is no reason to celebrate.
But I won’t do that.
I’m going to celebrate my father’s legacy. My father may not be here physically but that does not mean I have to stop celebrating the things that made him an incredible father and man.
Below are 10 reasons why I will continue to celebrate my father on Father’s Day:
- As a little girl he told me I could be anything I wanted to be, and he was right.
- When I was a teenager he taught me the importance of respecting others while respecting myself.
- When I was in college he told me he trusted me, and he meant it.
- Throughout my entire duration in college, and then my first marriage he told me if I was miserable I could always come home.
- Throughout my entire life when I was struggling or was lost he had the best advice.
- He taught me to take the “high road” in every situation. I am not as perfect as my father in accomplishing this extraordinary lesson, but I always try.
- He was my protector for my entire life, and even in death he continues to guide me.
- Every single day of my life, every single day, he told me he loved me and he showed me.
- It didn’t matter what I did in life, he was always proud of my accomplishments and bragged nonstop.
- He raised me to be a strong, independent woman.
This Father’s Day I will celebrate the amazing father that he was by listening, laughing, hugging and saying I love you a million times. Father’s Day will now always be a painful day, where my grief is the heaviest, where my memories are now merge with pangs of loss. I will celebrate because it is the precious memories that remind me of how incredibly blessed I am. Thankfully these memories are forever etched in my mind and heart.
My father was a gentleman and a gentle soul, he was admired by all and is forever missed. I cry for my father every single day, I miss my father so much. I would give anything to have just one more Father’ Day with him and to tell him that it’s true father DOES know best.
Lisa & Dad 1977
Happy Father's Day Dad, I miss you!