Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
*finally buys stamps for 5 year old's birth announcements* *sets them on kitchen counter for another 5 years* -nailed it
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 20, 2015
Back to the Future was way off. Instead of a hoverboard and flying car, I get crippling debt and children.
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) October 21, 2015
I decided that for Halloween, I'll go as a toddler and just say no all day long. No. That feels good.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) October 22, 2015
What qualifies one to be a parenting expert? My kids are still alive and can run the microwave so I think I can safely add it to my resume.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) October 20, 2015
Hazmat suits would make a great baby shower gift.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) October 17, 2015
Today's episode of "We're Late!" is brought to you by, "MOM WHERE'S MY STAR WARS SHIRT I LEFT IT RIGHT THERE ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE!"
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) October 19, 2015
Friend: "Your baby looks so much like you." Me: [food all over my face]
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 21, 2015
All these moms in Build-A-Bear keep looking at me like my flask is a bad thing.
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) October 18, 2015
Parents: don't give your child the answers to his homework. He needs to learn on his own that you don't know what you're talking about.
— Now Watch Me Meh Meh (@TheAlexNevil) October 21, 2015
Nothing makes me worry more than the kids saying "Don't worry, we cleaned it up"
— Marl Beans (@Marlebean) October 19, 2015
My kids made their own mocha frappuccinos at home & now I'm out of coffee & they've been awake for five days.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 20, 2015
I have reached that level of parenting where I'm so used to peeing with the door open I have been asked to leave 3 public restrooms.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) October 20, 2015
6yo: Can I have a donut-I don't remember what they taste like Me: You ate one yesterday 6yo: I SERIOUSLY DON'T REMEMBER WHAT THEY TASTE LIKE
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) October 18, 2015
My kids know they can ask me anything, and that usually the answer will be "no."
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) October 19, 2015
"How do you find anything in here?!" -my mugger, giving my purse back
— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) October 21, 2015
Me: Why'd you hit your sister? 5-year-old: Why does anyone do anything? I was going to punish her, but instead I had an existential crisis
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 20, 2015
Eating an avocado & egg white on ciabatta energy sandwich in my car with a trunk full of Target bags like the badass I always knew I'd be.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 20, 2015
"You're no fun anymore. You don't even know what fun looks like." Angry 7-year-olds be angry.
— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) October 22, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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