Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
All parents want is to just get through half a cup of coffee before someone starts crying about putting on socks.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 11, 2015
A great cure for obsessive perfectionism: Having 3 children.
— Lady E (@LadyEdotMe) November 9, 2015
I'll give you 5 minutes to yourself, but only 10 seconds at a time. -kids
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) November 12, 2015
VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 11, 2015
I feel like I should create a recording of me saying PLEASE CLEAN THAT UP so I can just hit play 500 times a day.
— Liz Gumbinner (@Mom101) November 12, 2015
Sunday night at 8 PM time for every parent's favorite game: Guess what's due at school tomorrow.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 9, 2015
Potty training is easy. Teaching your kids to not use an entire roll of toilet paper to wipe their butt is the hard part.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) November 9, 2015
My kid just flushed her socks down the toilet because "dirty stuff goes there." Sound logic, questionable execution.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) November 11, 2015
Doing homework with my kids reinforces what they learned in school each day and also that I f*cking hate doing homework.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) November 9, 2015
Please don't talk to me until you can reformulate that thought into one coherent sentence. -me, parenting in the morning
— Vodka n Tots (@Vodkantots) November 11, 2015
Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half. An M&M. In half.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 7, 2015
Not saying my son is spoiled, but he's 12 and he just realized that there are cereals without marshmallows in them.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 10, 2015
Me: "I'm sorry I yelled." 6yo: "I love you anyway. I'll still love you when you're dead." ...is that a threat?
— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) November 9, 2015
Me: Yay! It's a four-day weekend! [after 2 hours of my son talking to me about sports and Minecraft] Me: OH GOD WHY
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) November 13, 2015
(Pulling garbage can back from the road) 4yo: "I'll help you, Daddy!" Me: "Well, thank you!" 4yo: "Yeah, because you have a weak arm." Oh.
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) November 12, 2015
Sorry my kids interrupt business conference calls with super important questions like, "Which of the cat's ears do you like better?"
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) November 9, 2015
When you overhear your kids playing nicely together. pic.twitter.com/qktmHwiek6
— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) November 11, 2015
I just told the 3yo that all our poops are lonely in the septic tank because she insists on using a diaper instead of the toilet. 😥💩
— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) November 13, 2015
My 9yo is studying forensics so now he refers to anyone he doesn't know as a "John Doe".
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) November 9, 2015
5yo: Daddy, what do you want to be when you grow up? Me: *frantically looks around* Why? IS THERE A DEADLINE?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 12, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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