There are more than 1.2 million people in the U.S. living with HIV, and 1 in 8 doesn’t know it. Though rates have steadily declined in the last decade, there were around 40,000 people newly diagnosed in 2015. Which begs the question: When a loved one tests positive for HIV and decides to tell you about it, what’s next?
Those initial weeks after an HIV diagnosis can be stressful and confusing, not only for the patient but their chosen confidantes, too. As a trusted friend, you want to be helpful and supportive ― “being there should be your mission number one,” says Dr. Virginia Cafaro, an HIV specialist in San Francisco. “Hug them, curse with them and remind them it is not the end of the world. HIV is manageable, and the virus does not define them.”
To provide some more insight and advice on caring for recently diagnosed loved ones, we’ve teamed up with Walgreens. Here, four tips from those who’ve been through it.
1.
Deneen Robinson, a Texas health educator who tested positive for HIV almost 16 years ago, knows firsthand what a difference friends can make, especially if they are willing to listen. “It is natural to have questions, but save those for some other time,” she says. “[It’s] not important in the moment.”
She was diagnosed in college, after recently becoming homeless ― domestic violence had forced her and her two very young children out onto the street. “My friends were the best,” she said. “They came to the hospital as a group and all piled in the bed with me. They cried with me and all wanted to get tested and even go to the support group with me to show their support. I was loved.”
2.
Knowledge is power, according to Tim Horn, deputy executive director at the Treatment Action Group, an AIDS research and policy think tank. “Being support doesn’t just come from love and concern,” he says, and instead suggests both the newly diagnosed and those looking to support newly diagnosed loved ones do a bit of HIV research outside of doctor’s’ visits. Horn recommends sites like POZ, TheBody.com, Test Positive Aware Network and Project Inform to stay on top of new research, especially because tracking HIV science can be empowering.
3.
People cope with stress and adversity in different ways, but those who want to pull their covers up over their head and melt away from the world are doing themselves no favors, says blogger and activist Connie Shearer. “[Isolation invites] the silent scream that life with a stigmatized illness like HIV can cause,” she says. If diagnosed loved ones are not yet ready to participate in a support group, explore other ways you can get them engaging with the world around them, whether that means arranging social events or scheduling individualized talk therapy sessions.
4.
Your role is pretty clear on this one: Connect your loved one with other HIV-positive folks. There are several options for those diagnosed with HIV, including both in-person and online support groups, as well as toll-free HIV/AIDS hotlines for each state. But, face-to-face group support might be the most impactful, says longtime HIV advocate Sean Strub. Though in-person support groups have somewhat fallen by the wayside recently for digital meetups that are easier to fit into busy schedules, Strub says they’ve historically been the best way to build a protective support system. “Meeting others with HIV [in person] is where people learned how to disclose, asked questions and started to build a supportive network around themselves.”
Having a strong support system is key for those diagnosed with HIV. In addition to a close network of family and friends, Walgreens is here to provide the professional support your loved ones need.