The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
GROWN UP MATH: If you set your alarm for 8:30 a.m., but press SNOOZE at a rate of 4 slams per min, how many meetings will you sleep through?
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 27, 2017
*dad calls me at work*
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) March 27, 2017
me: "hi?" *thinks some1 died*
dad: COULD U BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD? COULD U BE? IT'S PLAIN 2 SEE
“Yes, I’m here for my meeting with Mike Pence.” pic.twitter.com/WUF9C1wDN8
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) March 30, 2017
being able to eat as much candy as you want is both the best and worst part of being an adult
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) March 30, 2017
Holding onto the hope that most of 2017 has been an April Fool's joke
— Hollis Miller (@missehollis) March 31, 2017
POTUS. Speaker of the House. Secretary of Education. Secretary of Defense. pic.twitter.com/MoDWBDBmt1
— Amanda (@amandapractica) March 27, 2017
if procrastination is an art, i belong in the god damn MoMA
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) March 25, 2017
desperately trying to pretend that carrots are a snack
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) March 30, 2017
i like you, but i'm not sure if i 62-hours-of-game-of-thrones-catch-up-so-we-can-watch-it-together-when-new-episodes-are-back like you
— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) March 30, 2017
"So, how's y'all lil health care bill going?" pic.twitter.com/nfqyyiKNmp
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) March 24, 2017
I'll be 34 in May and sometime in the last year I hit my lifetime capacity for men's bullshit.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) March 24, 2017
My favorite place to cry is Target it's like yeah I'm feeling my feelings but bitch I gotta buy the essentials
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) March 30, 2017
Crayola announced it is retiring the yellow crayon. The same moment, blue hugs green and whispers, "It's gonna be ok. We'll figure it out."
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) March 31, 2017
When you laying in your coffin at your funeral dead and you don't hear your man crying pic.twitter.com/3npZAyo4AF
— Lovita Alizé Jenkins (@xoxoxMinnie) March 28, 2017
"That's crazy!"- Me, not listening to you.
— Queen of the Damned (@Cpt_Burnout) March 24, 2017
void of despair emoji
— roxane gay (@rgay) March 31, 2017
Twitter has made me Anti-Love and Pro-Fuck off.
— Just Jen (@JustJenBlue) March 31, 2017
nothing threatens the sanctity of marriage more than mike pence calling his wife "mother"
— Ziwe (@ziwe) March 30, 2017
if you're a person clapping for trump's "women's empowerment" speech literally what led you to this moment in your life?
— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) March 29, 2017
I just used "non sequitur" in a sentence, in case you thought you were the one having a good day
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) March 27, 2017
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