The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
I judge the quality of my weekends by how often I had to wear a bra
— Hollis Miller (@missehollis) May 14, 2017
i don't know that men have what it takes to wear a romper.
— fooler initiative (@metroadlib) May 16, 2017
stripping naked to pee feels like a burden only women are strong enough to bear.
Me: Hey, what's that dude's name? Rinse Prius?
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) May 16, 2017
Him: Reince Priebus.
Me: Prince Rebust.
Him: Reince Priebus.
Me: Risky Prisiness.
Him:
Me:
"I wouldn't consider myself a feminist but I do believe that we all [insert the exact definition of feminism here]" pic.twitter.com/aDqsTnffKa
— kei (@bblackgoldd) May 15, 2017
Damn I signed offline at 4:45 and I've literally missed a month's worth of news.
— Paige Lavender (@paigelav) May 16, 2017
Statistically the lottery is a losing game. And yet, you can't win if you don't play. This is how I feel about keeping up with politics.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 16, 2017
Congrats to James Comey for making memos interesting for the first time in history
— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) May 16, 2017
Me: I HATE MEN SO MUCH GODDAMN WHY DO THEY--
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) January 26, 2017
Literally any man over 6ft who has most of his teeth: :-)
Me: whelp
It's so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 16, 2017
i, for one, am looking forward to the first time someone live-tweets their impeachment
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 18, 2017
we really have no idea what's going to come from day to day anymore, so if I have one bit of summer advice it is to get the lobster roll
— #rachelsyme (@rachsyme) May 16, 2017
me literally everytime I read the news pic.twitter.com/IDLWrG0EN9
— Jenna //\\ Wortham (@jennydeluxe) May 15, 2017
Casual reminder that Beyoncé's entire marketing team is better at managing security/leaks than our current White House administration.
— Arielle Brousse 📌 (@thewordunheard) May 16, 2017
I never ever wanna talk to people but if someone compliments something I'm wearing I sure do love telling them how cheap it was
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) May 19, 2017
For the first 5 years of my life, I thought my name was "For fucks sake".
— Bianca LaVagina (@AnitaHelmet) May 19, 2017
i also say PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED AND TELL NO ONE after most of my jokes
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) May 17, 2017
I'm "Just had to explain to someone who Tom Selleck is" old.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) May 17, 2017
"Boring. This is only your first marriage? I've been married THREE times. Nobody gets married as good as me." - Donald Trump, wedding guest
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 17, 2017
"So, puppy, what do you want to do with our girls' night in?
— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) May 17, 2017
Drink some vodka and stress refresh Twitter?
I was hoping you'd say that!"
2015: Netflix and chill
— Caitlin Kelly (@caitlin__kelly) May 18, 2017
2017: WaPo and freak out
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