There is nothing quite as confronting as watching someone you love suffer with cancer. The experience brings up so many profound emotions. To say that processing these emotions is confronting is an understatement.It is an emotional storm with the intensity to shake you to the core.
The speed and intensity at which the emotions hit, doesn’t allow much space to actually get in touch with how you really feel and you tend to operate on automatic pilot.So many highs and so many lows creates one hell of a storm.
Researchers suggest that there are around four basic emotions that are experienced in cultures throughout the world - happiness, sadness, anger and fear. Spending time with my beautiful father who is fighting cancer and is also surrendering to the ravages of age and time has actually made me question that research.
On this journey with dad, I have quite literally experienced hundreds of different emotions hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second and moment by moment.
Raising hope.
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness”.
Often it is hard to find any light when you are immersed in darkness but I can assure you, if you look hard enough you will always find some light. It may be that today is just a little bit brighter than yesterday or for one moment in time you are able to share a memory that will soon be lost by one of you. There is always light.
Anyone can love you when the sun is shining.
It is in our most challenging of times that we often react irrationally rather than respond with clarity and clearness. Emotions are amplified when we are under stress and we can easily become overwhelmed.
It can be challenging to stay grounded when you feel like the ground is quite literally shaking beneath you, but remember, it can be just as difficult for a loved one to watch you struggle.
Sometimes there are no words that can soothe or settle heartache. When you find yourself at a loss for words, hug someone. When a loved one holds you or you cuddle a child or dear friend, your body releases oxytocin. This is known as the “love hormone” because it makes us feel less stressed, more contented and it reduces anxiety and creates feelings of optimism. A beautiful, warm hug will often provide more comfort and support than words.
To establish real connection, hug heart to heart. When you embrace someone, focus on connecting your heart to their heart. Lean in and ensure that you focus on connecting your left shoulders together instead of the right shoulders. This places your hearts in alignment and creates a more connected and endearing hug. It also helps to make our energy stronger and raises our vibration.
When you are struggling to find strength and are feeling stressed, accept support from loved ones. Reach out and let those who truly care help you. If you are alone, there are wonderful support groups available that can offer assistance when you are feeling low.
You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf.
Emotions are a lot like waves. We can’t stop them from rolling in, so we have to ride them and there is absolutely no one right way to ride a wave. I spent many weekends at Scarborough Beach in Western Australia when I was growing up. Scarborough Beach is a great surfing spot.
My friends and I would swim and body surf until we were exhausted. I was never a great swimmer, but I still managed to enjoy the experience as long as I did not lose my rhythm in the sea.
Before I would wade into the warm waters of the Indian Ocean, I would stand at the edge and assess the huge waves rolling in. My friends would just head straight into the surf, but I liked to prepare myself. I would wade in waist-deep and stop in order to get a feel for the current as well as the flow of the waves.
I did not want to end up out of my depth. I would always notice the incredible shift in the tide and the almighty power of the swell building minute by minute. It was amazing. It was incredible to watch everyone in the water prepare and adapt to the waves breaking in their own special and yet unique way. Fear, excitement and joy—all these emotions were associated with the build-up.
When taking on one of these waves, there were many things to consider. The waves were big, and the current was fast. If you didn’t surf a wave in at just the right time, the massive wave forming behind the one you were considering catching would gather you up and then dump you. Being dumped is not a pleasant experience. You are spun around continuously, and you become completely helpless. Think of the spin cycle on your washing machine and imagine being in it.
As you are tumbling, if you open your eyes under the water, all you will see is sand, water and white wash, so it’s best to keep your eyes closed. It feels like you will never surface from beneath the wave and all the while, you are running out of air. You struggle and hope to God that you will see the sun and catch a breath very soon.
I have recently experienced similar in life, but without the sea, the sand or the sunshine.
There are routines and rituals that I practice every single day, no matter what I am faced with. These practices help me from drowning in stress -
Meditation
Mindful breathing
Mindfulness
Prayer
Choosing healthy food and exercising
Practicing optimism
It is never too late to introduce these amazing practices. Even if you are feeling overwhelmed, make the decision to nurture and nourish your mind, body and spirit.
Storms don’t last forever.
Mindfulness is about training yourself to pay attention and be present. When a person is mindful, they-
Focus on the present moment completely.
Let go of the past as well as what might be coming in the future.
Mindfulness is a way of helping us to experience life as it happens -
The good, the bad, the happy and even the sad.
If we are so preoccupied with the past and what is to come in the future, we will actually miss out on the most beautiful of moments that are happening right in front of us. When the storm is over, you will have filled your heart with moments that you will treasure forever.
You will never see a rainbow if you are looking down.
It was just recently that I learnt that the greater the storm, the brighter the rainbow. That even in the most challenging of times, to share life, love, laughter, sadness, fear and heart space with your parents for as long as I have,53 years in fact, this is an honor and a privilege denied to many.
The only way to see a rainbow is to look through the rain. Sending love and light to all those in pain today.