COMEDY

The 48 Stages Of Your Social Media Life In A President-Elect Trump World

TL;DR: Everything sucks.

11/30/2016 02:27 pm ET
grinvalds via Getty Images

It’s been roughly 22 days since Donald Trump became President-elect Donald Trump. And in that time, regardless of what you did with your vote, we’ve each taken a wide variety of stances, more or less fueled by something we read 10 minutes beforehand.

Social media has eliminated the need to deliberate, as our points of view have an audience the second they bubble up to the top of that gray-matter stew. Our opinions needn’t remain consistent because, well, that post is an hour old and we’ve since had five other things to say.

These are the 48 stages of your social media life in a President-elect Trump world.

 

  1. This sucks.

  2. He sucks.

  3. She sucks.

  4. We suck.

  5. They suck.

  6. Parts of us suck.

  7. Parts of them suck.

  8. I suck.

  9. The media sucks.

  10. Take this quiz to find out how much you suck.

  11. Why everything you know about sucking is wrong.

  12. Actually, everything you know about sucking is right.

  13. It’s not about whether or not we suck, but rather how we evaluate our sucking.

  14. This sucking is reminiscent of another time when we sucked.

  15. Facebook sucks.

  16. Fake Facebook sucks.

  17. Fake Facebook news needs to be kicked off real Facebook.

  18. This was a kick in the balls.

  19. This was the kick in the balls we needed.

  20. We’ve never truly had balls.

  21. We had balls but lost them.

  22. The system won’t allow us balls.

  23. Balls is exactly the problem.

  24. The system sucks.

  25. The system works, despite sucking this time.

  26. Parts of the system suck.

  27. The origin of the system itself sucks, so of course the system sucks.

  28. It’s hard to know what really sucks when you’re in the middle of the sucking.

  29. We need to take a step back and reanalyze our sucking.

  30. Why do we suck?

  31. How did we get to suck so bad?

  32. How did they get to suck so bad?

  33. How did we not predict this sucking?

  34. What does it really mean to “suck”?

  35. There are multiple kinds of sucking.

  36. What is the future of sucking?

  37. Maybe he only conned us into thinking he sucked.

  38. It sucks that those people are fucked.

  39. He’s fucked.

  40. She’s fucked.

  41. Relax, no one’s fucked yet.

  42. Nope, we’re all fucked.

  43. You’re only as fucked as you allow yourself to be.

  44. There will always be someone more fucked than you.

  45. Flat Earth — where’s the curvature?

  46. Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams!

  47. Bohemian Grove.

  48. Illuminati.

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