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The Surprising Appeal Of Living Alone

Posted: 02/ 3/2012 1:03 pm

More people live alone than at any point in human history. But why?

Today, a surprisingly high number of people are choosing to go solo because it facilitates the pursuit of good things that are otherwise hard to come by: Control of one's own time and space. Freedom to do what one wants, when one wants to do it. Privacy. Anonymity. Autonomy. And, paradoxically, the chance to reconnect with others.

Living alone was once most prevalent in rural areas that attracted migrant workers. Today it's largely an urban phenomenon, because cities make living alone a profoundly social experience.

Although many people assume that living alone is an American phenomenon (well, at least I once did), by international standards the United States is a laggard. Going solo is most common in Europe, particularly in the Scandinavian countries that have a robust market and strong welfare states. In recent years it has grown most quickly in countries with booming economies: China, India, and Brazil.

I've been studying the rise of solo living for nearly a decade. With the help of a small research team, I interviewed more than 300 people who live alone and analyzed the emerging literature on the social lives of singles. My book, "Going Solo," [Penguin Press, $27.95] recounts what I learned, and offers the first comprehensive assessment of this incredible social change.

Here are some of the ways that people I interviewed explain the benefits of living alone.

Living alone is a rite of passage
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In recent decades a growing number of twenty- and thirty-somethings have come to view living alone as a key part of the transition to adulthood. In the large urban areas where it is most common, many young professionals see having one's own home as a mark of success and distinction. It's a way to discover themselves and establish personal security.
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05:55 PM on 02/14/2012
I've been stubbornly trying to save money by renting places with roommates/etc, but it ends up costing me money and stability. I've had living situations fall apart due to unapologetic filth, adultery, expensive space heater/air conditioner use, and most recently, irresponsible/non-disclosure of introducing bedbugs. it just gets more expensive to share housing as time goes on. I can't imagine what would happen with another roommate might bring. identity theft? murder?

On the positive side, I'm speaking with a CFP this week, a realtor next week, and I've raised what I'm putting into savings to 30% of what I net. I don't quite have enough for a solid down payment plus maintaining for emergencies, but I think I could be living alone in less than a year.

Then I can start complaining about my no good neighbors!!
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Jennifer Kley
Sloppy Cubicle Rebel in search of Freedom
10:24 AM on 02/11/2012
Living alone is awesome. But then there are so many benefits to living with someone, at least the right person(s).

http://thecubiclerebel.wordpress.com/
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blacksmithn
Iron, cold iron, is master of them all...
10:29 AM on 02/08/2012
9) Because your vacuum cleaner or your computer won't argue with you when you come home tired after a long day.

10) And even if they did, they won't be entitled to half your stuff and alimony when they leave.
05:20 PM on 02/07/2012
Many of the arguments are of the "for lack of better" type. Not very convincing.
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porsche996
an inelastic scattering of photons
04:44 PM on 02/07/2012
Living alone makes unhealthy co-dependency very difficult......but not impossible.
03:32 AM on 02/07/2012
Being a 22 year old college student, living alone is great. I love the freedom and being able to come back and unwind by myself after a day of class/work. It does get lonely sometimes though.
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rivergirl301
My micro-bio is empty
10:52 PM on 02/07/2012
I think it's great that you do enjoy living along. I think it is sad when people don't even enjoy their own company. My daughter, too, is a college senior, so I thought of her when I read your post.
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Over40
06:33 PM on 02/06/2012
One interesting side note to this trend is what it could do for animal welfare, With so many more people having animals as their principal home companions rather than as very secondary household pets, there will be that many more people advocating for them.
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Kellea Tibbs
Woman. Writer. Opinion.
12:05 PM on 02/06/2012
Hello. I just listened to your interview on the Diane Rehm Show on NPR this morning. As a single, 38 year old African American woman with no children, I'm always fascinated with this topic and I'm so glad you wrote about it with this new book, Going Solo. We know there has been lots of recent discussions about the plight of the Single Black Female in America and I'm curious, have you done any research on the uptick of single African American women who live alone and deal with many different societal and career factors than our white female counterparts when it comes to the possibility of dating and making decisions about relationships, if they are available. I believe our circumstances, experiences, and statistics may be skewed especially since it seems that it's becoming somewhat inevitable that many African American women may NEVER get married, especially if we are looking for someone from within our same cultural group. There is also this notion that Black women are "stronger" than others when it comes to dealing with life alone when really we have much to relate to with our white female counterparts. Yes, we have great careers and social lives and, I for one, love living alone with no children, but there is always this tug of wondering what the future holds and how much longer I may have to live in this state and whether it will end up being alone either by choice or by default.
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joncavanaugh
I am, and forever remain, at your service.
11:48 AM on 02/06/2012
I am never less alone then when I am alone.
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TFlint
09:37 AM on 02/06/2012
If I lived alone, the dishes would never get washed.
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Martin Miller
Sona si Latine loqueris
04:45 PM on 02/07/2012
And whos gonna make me a sandwich?
09:28 AM on 02/06/2012
I lived alone for about 10 years, loved it! My life is much louder now, but I still make sure I get my alone time. My mom has been living alone for the past few years and believe me I have never seen her happier. Everyone should experience living by themselves. Its not scary. Its easy if you work and have a social life. The best part of living solo? Those days off, wake up late, eat whatever, curl on the couch and do nothing. You don't even have to answer the phone. Peaceful!
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npw350
There is no time or distance.
08:37 AM on 02/06/2012
I spent the whole of Saturday in bed finishing Christopher Hitchen's Autobiography Hitch 22. I had breakfast, and lunch there and only left to walk the dog. My apartment was deliciously silent, and I looked up from the pages for a moment and wondered what all of those people do who have significant others pulling on them to go somewhere. I have great friends, a great dog, great books and all of the silence I want to drink. I'm not sure I really live alone, but rather live with solitude: It's the best roommate I can imagine.
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itproinct
the fighting democrat
09:30 AM on 02/06/2012
f and f # 82 - Beautifully written - I feel exactly the same.

I too had a wonderful, lazy, and peaceful weekend hanging around the homestead relaxing with my dog, my 60 inch high-def tv pumping out sports and movies, my kindle, and my pc. A couple brief phone calls, but other than that - pure solitude and peace.
01:14 PM on 02/06/2012
Ole!
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be practical
Vote for a Democratic Congress
06:20 AM on 02/06/2012
I left home at 18 and lived alone, lived with a roommate, and lived with roommates before I got married and eventually raised our kids. I've known many people that went from mommy and daddy right into a marriage. 2 things I now believe. I am meant to live alone. And everybody should live on their own before settling into a long term realtionship, at least for a while. Living alone forces a person to become responsible for themselves and their decisions. I believe it is the fast track to maturity.
03:54 AM on 02/06/2012
I had 2 failed marriages, one in my 20's and one in my 30's. I am now 66 and have lived alone for 30 years. During this time, I have never taken for granted the pure luxury of having complete independence in every aspect of my life. I cherish time with my friends and family but I love living alone. Simple things mean a lot. If I want to eat cereal for dinner and meat loaf for breakfast, I can. If I want to spend the entire day in bed reading, I can. If I want to travel on the spur of the moment, I can just back a bag and waltz out the door. I have 5 grandkids to love, cuddle and spoil and I am owned by a fat tabby cat and 2 little dogs. They are all I need to satiate my desire to nurture anything. I treasure my solitude!
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Sepulchre
A neutron walks into a bar...
02:31 AM on 02/06/2012
I absolutely love living alone. I will never let anyone live with me again, no matter what.
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victorianism
Theultrathinnothingnesshasabeautifulendforusall.
10:51 AM on 02/06/2012
Have been hit hard by what?
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Sepulchre
A neutron walks into a bar...
11:40 AM on 02/06/2012
You're question literally makes not sense at all.