12/08/2005 12:41 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

'Tis the Season for the Christian Majority

Jesus Christ was just a regular person. He wasn’t the son of God, he wasn’t part of some Trinity, he didn’t turn water into wine and other such magic. Those of you who think he is, and that when you die your faith will be a ticket into heaven, guess what? Ain’t gonna happen!

Oh, does this offend you? Boo hoo hoo! Deal with it!

Think of how I, as a more or less agnostic person of Jewish descent, feel when William Donohoe of the Catholic League says of the White House attempt to wish people of all faiths a happy holiday season, “spare me the diversity lecture,” and that wishing people happy holidays is evidence that someone has “capitulated to the worst elements in our culture.”

Apparently, if people like me prefer that outlets trying to get my business not tell me “Happy Birthday to the One and Only Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,” because we happen to not believe in Jesus, it makes us one of the worst elements in our culture. Gee thanks, Bill.

I particularly like the response of Donald Wildmon, the chairman of something called the American Family Association – a group I can only assume is for abortion and gay marriage and keeping Family Guy on the air. Donald’s reaction to the notion that if I feel alienated because every store and politician ditches the inclusive “Happy Holidays” for “Merry Celebration of the only true God who you must accept to get into heaven or else you will burn eternally in Hell” was, “Tough luck. This is an overwhelmingly Christian country.”

I was planning to write something about loving this time of year, because it’s when we as a nation come together and show generosity and good will towards men no matter what our religious or cultural differences. It’s a theme that plays throughout all the holidays – from Christmas to Kwanzaa to Chanukah to Festivus. But it goes beyond that. Even for those of us with an undefined faith or no faith, you can’t help but be nice, or maybe help out a homeless person by bringing him some food and a hot drink. That’s what “Happy Holidays” is all about. It is not just about tolerance for everyone’s religion or lack of religion, but it is highlighting that no matter what you believe, it is the season of giving.

But apparently if I want to take part in that, or any entity does, by saying “Happy Holidays,” it’s tough luck for us, because ‘tis the season for the Christian Majority.

So, instead of saying Happy Holidays this year, I’m just going to say “Go F**k Yourself!” Screw taking part in the season’s spirit, because apparently I’m not welcome. So enjoy your CHRISTMAS TREES on my public property, and your CHRISTMAS sales at stores that used to try to reach out to me, and CHRISTMAS cards from politicians, and the rest of the season that apparently only belongs to you. Me? As a member of the “worst element” of this “overwhelmingly Christian country,” I’m going to act my part and go kick a homeless person, maybe take candy from a baby, and quite possibly walk an old person into the middle of heavy traffic and leave them there.

Yes, indeed, Go F**k Yourself, All, and to All a Good Night!